Porters Portals

The state called today...another baby needing placed. It is such a bag of mixed emotions for me. I don't know if everyone goes through this or it's just me or it's just because I am still relatively new at this compared to others. Since my first placements all stayed. BUT...how I feel is nervous as all get out. I also feel a little excited and I also feel very sad. Nervous because I have no idea what is coming. Will the baby be cranky?Will the baby be overwhelmed with what just happened. Will the baby be needy? Alot of questions. I feel a little excited because I just love babies and I especially love baby girls. Getting to get them all dressed up and pretty. Then there is the feeling of sadness...know that a broken person just created a broken family. Especially in this case...knowing that as I am typing, the state is on their way to remove the baby from custody. So very very sad. So, I can't be all just one emotion. I can't be all nervous. I can't be all excit...

The state came and took 'the baby' today to take her to her new, possibly temporary home. I am honest and will say I was a little sad when they called yesterday to tell me. I felt like she would stay...but I guess it was just wishful thinking. It is out of my hands and I don't know her future or what she truly needs. Only one does and that is the Almighty Living God. This is the door he opened for her so, I prayed her through it. All week I have prayed for her and her situation. I have prayed alone in silence, prayed alone out loud and even prayed at 'Worship' practice with some of my brothers and sisters. That tiny baby girl is covered!!! If anything evil tries to come against her, it will not break through the barrier of Gods mighty angels. His hand is over her. So thankful I have Him to put my trust in. So, she is gone...the crib is empty. Forgot one of her bottles sitting on my kitchen counter drying...that tugged my heart a little. I know this ministry isn...

We have a foster baby with us right now. She is almost 3 weeks old. Oh my goodness she is tiny and so precious. It is so bitter sweet. I know this is Gods ministry, I know we are in this to help keep children loved, blessed, and safe until they can return to their healthy parents...but oh how this will be a challenge for me. Letting her go. Better sooner than later...but already my kids are madly in love with her and each day I can feel my heart absorbing her more and more. A woman I really appreciate and she is founder of 'Project Hopeful' always says..."it's not about me" or "remember...it's not about you!" I totally agree...it isn't about me. It's about my God and it's about this baby who needed a safe haven until God allows her to go where ever she needs to go...but my heart ....is me. That part is me and that part of me can feel the sadness creeping in. It's the lack of faith, because I worry about where will she go...to whom is ...

Oh goodness...what a great time we had. My girl was so excited....and so was I! We met some friends at the church where the concert was being held. We met them at 5, ate some dinner and had great fellowship. At 6 we were able to enter the building. We stood in line to get our girls t-shirts. My friends 3 girls each got 'The Afters' t-shirts and my girl got a 'Casting Crowns' t-shirt. The concert started right at 7. We were in our seats and ready at 7. The first performer was Lindsay McCaul. She was amazing. We both LOVED her voice. We bought her CD. The next group was 'The Afters,' my girl fell in love with them! The next group was 'Sanctus Real.' THENNNN...Casting Crowns came out and sang the new song (and movie) Courageous! They were fantastic. During intermission Mark Hall invites youth leaders to attend a meeting...I knew this was coming so I grabbed my girls hand and led the way. All the while she is saying...where are we going, whats going on. I ...

I am thrilled to be taking my 8th grader, AR to see Casting Crowns tonight in concert. I just love that group. Love their music and their ministry. Good people! I won tickets a few weeks ago (which is amazing...I never win things) and I could only choose 1 other person to go with me. Well my AR girl likes Crowns music too so she gets to go as well...but I have been trying to win more tickets...not success yet. I still have one more try though Mark Hall himself. He gives away Meet and Greet Tickets the day of the concerts. If I was to win those, I would take my other 2 girls. I would love for them to experience great worship music. Hope to get some fun pictures and post them on here. What a refreshing thing to look forward to and it's great to see my girl so excited for something. Now I gotta figure out what to wear!!!!  lol

I just don't know why I can't seem to blog anymore. I think about it often and many times I sit down and have plans to and then I get to reading other blogs and before I know it...I'm out of time and am needed as a mommy or wife. I like to think it's because I have "so many kids," but I know there are some blogs I read and they have the double the kids I do and manage to stay current. Oh well...that's just the way it is.... Our summer FLEW by..................way too fast!!!! I was not ready to see it end. I am not ready for the short days, early sunsets. I like the sunshine. I am not a fan of the heat, but I do like the sunshine. However...the clouds are back and so is the rain. It was pouring rain out today when church let out. We were drenched before we reached our van. None of us had jackets because it was still pretty warm out....we will need to get in the habit again. Some changes for us...all the adoption paperwork has been submitted, now it...

Met with our certifier yesterday and was told we should be getting a call from the State office regarding the adoption of our 2 foster kiddos. Today, the State called. We were approved for some adoption assistance which is great news and we will be receiving the paperwork in the next day or two to fill out for the "vendor" attorney. So, I am thinking the adoption should be final within the next month. In this case, it still always feels bittersweet. The bio mom now attends church with us and it appears she cares for us and trusts us, so to be happy with finalizing the adoption feels .....odd. The bio mom wasn't too thrilled with us hyphenating our name with the kids' last name...but she didn't create too much fuss and said she understood our reasoning. What's seems funny (lack of a better term) about that, is their last name isn't her last name. She still carries her maiden name. She does state though she is thankful she gets visits at all. She will get a ...

Man...the heaviness that lays on my heart for the children of this world. It's crazy how they suffer. They suffer because those who should be responsible are not. Those who should be loving and selfless are not. Every country has them. Kids abandoned because of birth defects or disabilities or parents hooked on drugs or because the child is such an inconvenience for them, making their life feel so pathetic that they take it out on the innocent by beating them. The list goes on...so many...too many. The heaviness in my heart at times feels too great. I pray, I give money when I can, I share with others but the one thing I desire to do is give them a home...yet...I can not. It takes two...and in this case only one is on the 'ban wagon.' So...I continue to pray. I continue to share. I continue to cry. So many faces. So much beauty. Such treasures. Look over this website and let your heart be broken. Let your feet be moved. Let your life give life. Save Teri Lyn...and others ...

"Yeehaw" Our beautiful and precious gift from God turned 3. I can't believe it, as usual, how time flies. We had a great celebration, even included the bio mom with our family and church family. BG had a great time. I am so thankful for the joy and beauty she brings to our life. BG loves Jessie from Toy Story so that is the theme she picked out about 2 months ago and has talked about it ever since. So...that is what she got. A Jessie birthday. This little one has to be one of the prettiest little cowgirls I have ever seen. 'May the Lord Bless you and keep you, our precious baby girl, this day and for always'

July 4, 2011

I do love the 4th of July. It has always held such precious memories for me. I am originally from Oklahoma. Was born there in 65 and we took the Oregon Trail in 71. We landed in our new hometown on July 4th, 1971. As we were driving into town we were stopped in a small line of cars...a parade was passing through. When the parade finished we drove down the street and my parents saw my aunt heading to her car. That is the aunt we lived with for a while. Lived with her until we found our own  home. Every year after that we would get awaken in the morning by a person driving through town, calling out on a loud speaker to wake up and come to the pancake breakfast. Later in the morning we would head downtown to watch the parade. One of the highlights was a company would drive a log truck with the biggest tree on it I had ever seen. It was probably a normal sized old growth tree...but it was ginormous to me. Kids I would go to school with would be in the parade because their parents would...

My oldest sister just celebrated her 40th wedding anniversary. I have a few memories of that day. One of those memories is thinking "she looks so beautiful." I have always adored my sister. Today...my sister is still so beautiful. She gave my parents their first grandchild, my nephew. She then went on to have two more children...the youngest was a girl. That girl stole my heart. Oh how I adored her...maybe it was because I loved her mama so much. I idolized my brother in law. He was a dairyman, which meant he was around animals. How cool was that. Because of him I got to be around dogs, cats, cows, chickens, and horses. It was until many years into my adult years I discovered he never actually liked me...isn't the ignorance of children bliss!?!?! Though coming to that realization, that didn't erase the fond memories I had/have. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. This couple meant the world to me, for so many years. Though we don't get together much ...

Finding time or mental focus to write these days just isn't happening. I don't know how some of those other moms do it. So I have decided to post random pics in those times I am not up to writing. Now that summer break is here..maybe...just maybe I will actually be able to focus and get my thoughts out on paper (screen). My first random pic is ......ok...picS! My DAD! In honor of Fathers Day My dad married my mom when he was 19 years old...this August he turns 78 years old. Hard to believe. In my mind, I always remember him as the man with the dark hair and black rimmed glasses. Sitting on our front porch smoking a cigarette. He was grumpy, he was a hard man, he was judgmental, he was hard on my older siblings (me being the youngest), and he wasn't always the best husband, but I will say...he was a good dad. He always provided for us, he never left our mom, and he didn't beat us or molest us. In this day and age...that makes for a great dad. I am thankful for him. The...

Not sure why life seems to be on an endless treadmill of trials, but it is. I remember years ago when the 'low tide' seemed to last for months before the next 'high tide' would come in...now...it seems I may get a day or two sometimes even a week, but that's stretching it. Let me lay it out: January Car wreck, totalling my van and wrecking my nerves February My sister in law has a stroke and is diagnosised with diabetes March Japan has an earthquake, sets off a Tsunami, my pregnant daughter and 15mth old grandson are on the Island of Honolulu...ALONE...at night with warning sirens going off. She has no idea what to do or where to go. She finally connected with another Navy wife and they comforted each other and kept each company all night. What a sickening, helpless feeling for me as a Mama. April My foster daughter fell and cut her arm badly on a chain link fence. When I heard her screaming and coming to the house, my heart felt like it stopped. ...

Yesterday we bought our two boys a bunk bed. Oh what excitement filled the air. The younger of the two thrilled he would now have a 'top' bunk and the older of the two was thrilled because the lower bunk is a full size. It was getting late when the husband and son returned home with the bunk bed and we still needed to eat dinner. I wanted to wait to set up the bed but seeing the excitement in the face of my boys I decided to let them go ahead and set them up. I won't call it a mistake but I will say it is a challenge. Kids went to bed late, youngest boy slept on the couch and now my living room looks like a room from a 'hoarders' house. ugh! The problem is, we ran out of time last night to finish. I could finish it today but last Saturday I took a fall and fell on my hip onto a a wooden doll cradle. Very hard to lift and bend. So...I am handicapped at the moment. So so frustrating. I would love to just get it done. This is, however, a sign of what is to come. We wil...

I said what a week but actually it all started on Saturday and a trip to the E.R. My little MK had an encounter with a chain link fence and she lost. The sound of one of your little ones screaming makes your heart stop. The first thing that happened was I heard something that didn't sound right...the kind of sound you stop and listen and you hear it, but really you don't...I think it is the heart that hears it and not the ears. So I stopped what I was doing and listened with my ears all the while heading towards our front door. Then I could hear a blood curdling scream as I got closer to our front door. My mind started to whir at this point. Before I could get to the door my little girl MK came flying in screaming that she got hurt. On her forearm was a hideous gouge/cut that ran width of her arm and just as deep. A trip to urgent care and then a trip the Emergency Room and 5 1/2 hours later my poor girl had endured serious pain of people checking the wound, an i.v., a wound wa...

So the 'Ultimate Blog Party' stuff wasn't for me. Too complicated, too time consuming. I just don't have enough time or energy to give it that much thought. I am not e-savvy so it takes too much time to figure that stuff out especially when you have made the decision not to pay anymore into this 'stuff.' I stay with my 'free' blog page....limited as it is...it works! An Amazing MOTHER'S DAY From one of my favorite blogs, Kelly's Korner , it's the infamous 'Show Us Your Life.' The topic this time is Mother's Day/Father's Day ideas. We don't make huge deals out of these holidays, usually just having a mild, quieter day is gift enough. We do sometimes give each other our favorite meal. This year for Mother's Day it will be different and I am excited. Our worship team has picked 3 hymns (plus our call to worship and 'new' song we always do). The 3 hymns are comprised of 3 people on our worship team who have sha...

Ultimate Blog Party 11 Just in Case you are new to my 'world' (blog) I would like to say "WELCOME." A little about me and my blog. We are nothing incredibly exciting or feat defying. We are a Jesus follower, a Mom, a wife, a kids church leader, advocate for loving and raising kids of all kinds from all places in all means. I share my everyday life. I share my regular ol'thoughts. Either about facts or about feelings. I am not trendy and I don't have time to stay up on or figure out new gadgets. I have in the last year been striving to minimize aspects of my life and focus on God, Love, Family, and basics. Not to be caught up in the fast moving flow of worldly 'stuff.' Not that I am against it, it's just not for me these days. I worked many years and now have the opportunity to stay home and work here. I work to care for my home and my family. Putting God first. You will see glimpses of my life and you will meet all honesty with me. So, that's m...

We must fall on our knees and faces and lift up our prayers to the Living God, the Creator. Intercede for this little beauty and for his family. His God created his family and the darkness of this world is trying to interfere. The heart of the 'judge' can be changed. This battle can be won. Please read No Greater Joy God is listening, He hears our prayers and He knows our hearts...now show him our actions. Live your faith.

My niece and nephew (he happens to be the 'Captain') have been part of a band of pirates here in the Portland Oregon area for a few years now....and, well I won't waste your time with words...enjoy the video and spread the word. Pirates

We, as a family, had a huge step in the right direction this past Sunday. The bio mom of our two (pre) adopted kiddos came to church. It was fantastic. I could see how happy she was to be there and I think it proved to her the trust she can have in us to 'foster' a relationship between her, us, and the kids. There are certain people in my family that didn't think we should be that open. That we should give her the least possible, the every 3 months visit, but God says we are to love. Giving her the least amount of time with the kids possible is not showing her love. Giving her all the time possible with the kids and with us and loving on HER is showing HER love...showing her Gods love. So, she came to church service and the kids were thrilled. It went great. She now has my cell number too which I gave to her willingly. Now we have an open line of communication. That thrilled her beyond words. God is the creator of ALL things. He loves all of us equally and for that I am th...

It is a lovely morning here in Oregon. The sunshine greeted me this morning which was great. It made want to throw open the blinds and welcome it in. Don't get me wrong...I love rain, I really do...but boy that sunshine sure picks up the heart. It's a little cloudy again but at least the wind isn't blowing horribly. Lot's to do today. I gave 3 haircuts this morning, waited to do my house chores until the showers were done, then in a bit a run to Target, then later we are attending a wedding. The kids are very excited about that...well the girls are that is. It should be a nice time of fellowship. The groom is Cuban and I hear there will be 'Cuban' food there so I am interested in trying that. The husband will be happy there is food there...he won't care what kind. So everyone should enjoy that part of it. My girl in Hawaii still doesn't have a laptop and that does not make me happy. I miss seeing her and my grandsons face and talking with them. I love to...

We have had some changes come about in the last few months and I know more are on the horizon. The biggest change is that of the status of our 2 remaining foster kiddos. Their parents made loving difficult decisions to leave the kids with us. Believing it was what was best for them. I was stunned. It is such a bittersweet change. My heart breaking for their parents and for the kids and yet happy and blessed that God chose us to raise them. What an honor. They are amazing kids. Beautiful on the inside and the outside. They will, of course, stay in contact with their parents. I know in my heart their parents are their parents and always will be. I am not replacing them. I will now foster a relati onship with them to keep them all connected. They all love each other very much and I know that will continue. The kids accepted the news pretty well. I think it was a little bit of a surprise especially for MK because she has looked to the day when she would return, but yet she also received it...

I still have a hard time these days organizing my thoughts enough to write something coherent. But I push myself to write because I for one enjoy reading blogs and get tired of opening someones blog seeing the same post for days, weeks, months. So I will attempt to write something somewhat sensible. Events of late have been mentally and emotionally 'whelming.' From marriages within our family breaking up, long term employments being terminated, dear friends and family with serious health problems...then the 'Over' whelming part...that mere moment in time when core of your being is jolted...the earthquake in JAPAN. It took me several hours before I began to worry about Japan and the people there because one, I didn't see any of it on the news and two, because my pregnant daughter and my grandson were on alert in Hawaii for a tsunami. She was all alone because her naval husband was 'underway' and it was dark outside and she didn't know what to do. My heart...

We finally had some winter weather. It didn't last long, but it was sweet while it was here. Yesterday we had a snow day. We got 3 to 4 inches of snow....enough to cancel school and go outside and roll around. I love Western Oregon for this reason. We usually don't have ongoing inclement weather. I remember once we had a bad freezing rain storm and we were without electricity for 3 days...but the worse I remember. I lived in Eastern Oregon for 4 years and the first winter there was horrible. It was the worse and longest winter they had, had in years. Lucky me! Oc tober came and the snow started to fall. It was exciting and awesome at first...but when January and then February and then March came around and we still had a bunch of snow on the ground...I was done. Not only was I new to that weather but we had moved onto a farm. The fences were in disrepair as the cows soon found out. I had to feed them everyday and break the ice off the water. It took us a while to get tank h...