Friday, October 30, 2009

Fun never ends....

The saga with the adult daughter has finally leveled for the moment. This is the one who is unwed and pregnant. We had an issue with the midwife she was seeing, neither one of us cared for her. She never acted like she had met my daughter before. She never would answer our questions. She never addressed the concerns my daughter had in regards to her back. So KR asked to be transferred to an OB. They said we had to meet with the midwife again to state your concerns...we didn't feel we needed to have another visit with said midwife but the "policy" was to meet with the provider and discuss the issues. Due to work schedules, we did not feel we should have have to waste our time and money on another appointment. Soooo, they made a decision to close her file and asked her to leave the clinic...per "policy." WOW...I had never heard of that before. So, it has been over a month since she had any prenatal check ups. Drama with finding a doctor who accepts her insurance. Drama in getting the 'old' clinic to fax her chart. BUT finally...we did it. I took a leap and suggested she go and see my Gynecologist. I have not seen him in almost two years (yes, a confession) and yet he walked in from lunch while we were in the waiting area and he recognized and greeted me. The nurse recognized me also....before we left KR had received two hugs from strangers. One from the nurse and one from the Doctor. Made her feel much better. wasn't like that before. You went to the midwives for the tender and personal care. But I am sure it's like everything in this day and time, corrupt. Some have melded with the medical world due to liability and convenience. Enough said about that. I am sure there are still some great ones out there.
The peace I felt waiting for the doctor while sitting in the exam room was wonderful and unexpected. I didn't really give it that much thought, but it came and flooded my soul. Gods plan...I truly feel God closed 'that' door and opened this one. This doctor is a Christian and he makes it known. This doctor loves his family and talks about them at every appointment. So why didn't I have her go to him in the first place? Distance, time, and knowing my daughter wanted a female doc....BUT God prevailed and placed us where HE wants my girl and my grandson.
The update: The father of the baby is now in Great Lakes Ill. in basic training. He went there the first part of October. So my daughter is alone. She only has one good friend who is either at work or hanging with her boyfriend. She has no cable tv and she has no computer for internet service. My heart aches for my girl. I know she chose her path, I know she will survive but I hate that she is alone. I hate that she is going through the most beautiful adventure of her life...without the father of the baby participating. Not even sure he can make it for the birth....I know her heart wants him here. So I will continue to pray that God will keep speaking to her heart. God will continue to open and close doors for her. God will bring her around to surrender her life to Him...and if it takes loneliness....if it takes her Mom staying out of the way....then I will. Because I want God to be the center of her life so she can make it in the days to come.
I know God blessed with me with this girl baby...because that was my prayer so many years ago. Thinking she would be my last and so desired a girl baby. He chose to bless me in that way. I have continued to be blessed by her. And though this chapter in her life is giving more grey hairs then I would choose to have....I do not regret those endless prayers requesting that she be given to me. She is beautiful, kind, loving, and perfect! I am so thankful for her.

So, once again I will say....parenting the adult kids is much more stressful than parenting the little ones....but oh how thankful I am to share in their lives.

We will be having a LA Dodgers baby shower....we have ordered the to work out the details.....the work...I mean fun....never ends! Praise God!

My beautiful girl...8mths pregnant with my Grandson

Monday, October 26, 2009

Friday, October 23, 2009

Feel the need...

Just feel the need to talk. Nothing much on my mind...or maybe there is TOO much on my mind. Good opportunity to just ramble and to also share some of my pictures.

Had a review hearing for two of our kiddos. It was a referee and not a judge and I must say I was very impressed with her. She seemed genuinely concerned for the children. I must of stood up about 5 times to answer questions and share about the kids. Usually with our other little one, I get about 30 seconds air time. Tell them how wonderful they are doing and then that's it. No questions. So it was refreshing to see the concern. Neither parent attended the hearing....not sure why they didn't, but everyone in attendance was surprised they were not there. Nothing new came of the hearing which can be a good thing. We will just continue doing what we are doing. Pray Gods will be done, take each day as it comes, and loving on the kids always.
On another topic:
I hate Halloween. I never have liked it really. I have always enjoyed dressing up but I can do that any time of year. So, every year I can not wait for October to be over. The entire month I have to endure all the demonic decorations, tv shows, and movies. I also have to endure the endless questions from my kids as to why we don't celebrate it. I always feel so relieved when November 1st is here. BUT I do enjoy fall and everything it brings. It brings an array of color. It brings beautiful pumpkins and gourds. I love bales of straw and now you can sometimes find small cute is that. So this weekend we are planning a trip to a local farm and scour their pumpkin patch. I enjoy simply going and looking for pumpkins, drinking hot apple cider and looking at Indian corn and such...but now most pumpkin patches are like a county fair. Pay as you ride. Pay to ride a wagon. Pay to slide a slide....and oh my goodness one year there were helicopter rides. So, it isn't quite the same and we haven't gone for a few years. We usually go to a small patch down the road. It's just pumpkins, veggies, and flowers. Way lower key but we usually have fun. BUT this year we will venture into the wilds or marketing strategies and three ring circuses. Why? Because the kids will have fun and as much as I hate the overabundance of it I do know they are local farmers and I like supporting the farmers. I am so thankful the weather forecast is for cloudy skies because it hasn't stopped raining once.

Don't pumpkin patches allow for the best pictures ever though? I always get the best pictures of my kids at a pumpkin patch. Is it the colors? Is it the fact the kids are having a great time and have sheer joy seeping out their eyes? Doesn't matter the reason just that it is true! So, this weekend we will go and find the perfect pumpkins, make a huge mess at home with them and then the best ending of it all....roasted pumpkin seeds. Oh yeh...that's the other reason I go!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Brave and the Strong....

Here we are in October. The big occasion in our family for October is My parents anniversary. This is last years ANNIVERSARY history and such. Well this year, my parents celebrated their 57th. How fantastic is that?!? The day of their anniversary was Sunday and a special Sunday at that. It was recital day for my two girls and for my MOM! My Mom is so brave. She is 71 years old and taking piano lessons for the first time in her life. Our piano teacher is also the organ player at she arranged for my mom to play her recital piece during offering. My Mom was over the top nervous. She did lose her spot one time but otherwise she did just fine. As she finished and was coming down the steps towards the pews my husband, my kids, and my dad met her there with a beautiful arrangement of lavender roses and red roses. Surprising her greatly. It was sweet! That afternoon my parents took each other out to lunch. That evening was recital time and I was so proud of my Mom and my girls. They did fantastic. My Mom is a strong woman. Enduring so much in her life and she never gave up. Never gave up on her marriage, never gave up on her kids, and never gave up on her dreams. We have sang together several times at church and oh how this blesses my heart. My MOM blesses my heart. She does so much to help me (and my siblings). I truly do not know how I would manage without her. She not only loves and adores us but she has also embraced the foster kids fully. She loves and adores them too. She commented before how she never knew how you could love kids so much that did not come from your own she knows. She can and does love them just as much. They ARE her grand kids...she is THEIR grandma....100%

It was a blessed day. I thank God for the parents who gave me life. I thank God for the Mom who laid the foundation of faith so I would come to know Jesus as my savior and have life eternal.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Made a dent...

No I didn't back into my husbands truck again...oh wait, I don't think i have confessed that one on here before. I have, however, made a dent in the 'stuff' that has accumulated in my home. I have family coming over in a little while to help haul it off. It will be nice to get it out of here. I still have a BUNCH of stuff to go through...but it's a start and I won't let the serpent (you know how much I HATE snakes) take away the joy I have for getting a good start. I'm not looking ahead...I am focused on today...and today I have a BUNCH of 'stuff' going out the door!The load on my shoulders has lifted a bit.
I spoke with a dear sister in the Lord yesterday and mentioned how I am 'spring cleaning,' trying to get my house in order and she shared something with me. She said collecting stuff (hoarding, stock piling, and etc) is a generational which she suffers from and she decided the other day, after working on her Dad's house (he passed away a few weeks ago) she wants the curse to broken now...with her. At first I just listened but think much about it but then to my mind came images of my Mom renting a storage unit just to store Christmas stuff and such. Then my went to my Grandmas house. Her house was not filthy like the hoarders you see on T.V. but boy let me tell ya....she had the stuff. What-nots, knick-knacks every where. Even 'pretty's on the floor. I think most everything was a gift...she doesn't from my memory seem like a shopper but boy there were things everywhere. So...I think my friend is right. It is generational. What makes it a curse is because we are always desiring things we don't NEED. We buy, keep, gather, store things that are not needed...they are only wanted. Things that take up space, gather dust, and use up living least in my case. I am horribly sentimental. I use to keep everything....I am much better now, but boy let me tell is quite emotional to go through things that have sentimental value. A couple of years ago I went through some clothing...this clothing was gross. It was mildewed and rotten basically (from poor storage) I almost kept was some of my son's baby clothes and my maternity shirt. They were not usable and I know me...I would not have done anything crafty with them and I have a few other things stored and in good shape. So I parted with the nasty stuff. So, mildewed, rotten, useless worthless... BUT oh so hard to part with. That's a curse! It was exhausting. Even this week I am having trouble getting rid of some of the toys my younger girls had when they were smaller. No one plays with them...they take up space and get filthy dirty! They HAVE to go....and I am praying they go fast because I can feel my heart strings being pulled every time I pass by them!

Yep...I would say it's a curse....but one I know I can overcome! WITH my Fathers help. He will get me through this. Now when I go through 'things' I ask him to give me eyes to see the truth, a heart to be strong, and wisdom to know what to do. I am not storing for the future (not talking about food...just stuff) kids or grandkids. If we have more kiddos come along God will provide. If my grandkids need something...God WILL provide.
So...a long road lays ahead....but today I accomplished one block and God willing...I will finish this marathon a free woman. Free from a bondage of 'Stuff.'

Isaiah 40:31
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

As for the eating healthy part...not so much. Not as bad as normal...but not great either! This bondage must be broken also. Pray hard dear ones! Pray hard!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Starting off....

So, today is Monday and I have decided to start fresh. These are my goals for the rest of the year and into next. I am going to give some effort to getting some of this weight off. Honestly (and I am being transparent about this) and I am not in the mood to focus on eating healthy and losing some weight. It is a great stress to do this. I know I's suppose to help a person feel better and I am sure it would in the long run but in the LONG RUN...I have been on this road more than I can count. I have been a failure at this more than I can count is stressful. It causes great stress in my life to focus on planning, buying, cooking, and eating healthy meals. I won't even go into the exercise realm of it righ now. Ugh! BUT I have to do something. So i am sharing it here. I hope maybe whoever reads this would pray for me and my family as I give this a attempt. I did get on the scale for the first time in months. Good news is I am still the same weight I have been for the last 2 much you might ask let's say....A LOT!!!
The other goal is to get this home organized. I feel more hopeful about that than I do the weight 'thing' but still it's a mountain in front of me (or all around me!). We have so much stuff and we have so many bodies in this house and due to physical problems and having a very needy 1 year old the house has fall into a pit of despair (ok....a little over the top dramatic?) This is my job, this is my ministry, this is my home and I need it to represent God. I need it to be an outward reflection of a God Loved and redeemed woman. So....I MUST get it cleaned up, organized, and free flowing.
I need to organize my time. It's time for me to get somewhat scheduled. I need to gain some control of my time. I need to quit focusing on 'time wasters.' So, I have to tell family and friends I must turn off my cell for periods of time. I must turn off the pc for periods of time. Both of these are time wasters! With God leading me I know I can get handle on this.
So, that's my heart today. I want to use this blog to share and to record progress, failures, frustration. Feel free at any moment to pray for me. I know I can not succeed under my own power. I know I have a loving father who will provide for all my needs and he will give me the wisdom I need. we go!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sunny Fall day

Here it is a beautiful fall day in Oregon. The sun is shining and the air is cool and leaves are changing color. I think this is the first time since I graduated from school that I am not ready for summer to end. I do not enjoy the heat but I do love the sunshine and I love making plans for activities which include being outside. I'm not ready but it's going to happen no matter what.

Two of the foster kids had a great day the other day. They were able to have two visits. One with their dad and one with their mom. The visits went great and they so enjoyed it. I am so happy for them. As much as we love them and would love for them to stay with us....I am so thankful they have parents who love them and show them that love. The system is draining to work with but having the opportunity to share a life with these kiddos is a most excellent blessing. I am so thankful. They have brought so much to our lives. I do continue to pray for healing of their parents....if not for the sake of the parents at least for the sake of the little ones.

My life the last few months has felt overwhelming (and I don't use that word very often). It has felt disorganized, cluttered, rocky, and heavy. So, I am putting my chin up, taking a deep breath and laying it all out...all out to God! I NEED him to lift this burden. I NEED him to show me and lead me. I NEED him to show me how to gain control of my life. How to organize it. How to declutter it. How to make it glorifying of HIM. I know he will be I just have to stick to it. I need not bow down to the strain and give in. I have to continue in diligent prayer. Not letting up. I am allowing too many factors to come in and throw me off track. Allowing factors to distract me from God. So it's time....time to love Him and return ALL of my life to HIM.

I pray you are walking this life with Him in the lead. I pray you have given Him your all. That each day you wake and He is the first thought and he is leading your thoughts and actions through out the day. I pray He is the last thought at night. If not.....join with me in turning our lives back over to him. Not just our church life, but all aspects of our life. Financial, decision making, recreational....all of it.

Glory to God.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Random pics

Top to bottom: My Son with his Son, my grandson-future soccer star?, BG following her shadow, Two sleeping baby's, My step grandson Ky, the kids at Oaks Park, the family at the zoo in front of an exhibit being remodeled.

Why is it....

Why is it there are times when journaling, e-mailing, Facebooking, Blogging seem to go to the wayside. I know there are times of busy-ness....but sometimes it seems more that there doesn't seem to be anything to share. Events happen daily...there is always something I 'could' write about but can't seem to organize my thoughts enough to write. Sometimes 'things' just don't seem worthy...worthy to bother others with. Though I love reading others Blogs. I love reading about their 'regular' days or their not so good days. But lately....say for the last two months I get on my Blog, read my favorites, consider writing....and then....don't! I sit...with so much I could write about, just can't seem to organize my thoughts to write about anything. So, I choose to give the 'lowdown' on the family.
Oldest to youngest.....

The huzb...he is back to working full time since his knee surgery. We had a little 'bump' with finances while that was all going on but I believe we are over it now. I am thankful he is healing and I pray he continues to heal and heals well. He is co-leading a men's study group at our 'Family Night Live' gathering at our church on Tuesdays. I am happy about that. He has great potential to be a good teacher. He needs experience to help him learn to stay focused, learn to organize and study.This is good in MANY aspects for him.

The Adult Son, his wife, and my GRANDSON...they are doing great. They are happy, healthy, and they are participating in their first real ministry. My son is helping me to lead a children's group at our church called Kidz Klub. It has been great fun working with him.

The Adult Daughter...she is now in her 7th month of pregnancy and struggling greatly. Due to her back surgery when she was 13 (a 14 hour surgery) the weight of the pregnancy has caused her great pain with her job. She still does not have a license and must walk to the bus or Max and that causes back pain. Her BF was able to drive her often but as of today he is in the Navy. He left today for boot camp. Soooo, my heart is heavy for my girl. Oh how I want to drive over to her apartment, gather her things and move her back into my home where I can feed her, care for her and hug her when I want. BUT...I can not. I am feeling in my heart there maybe times when she will be here and I will pretend it doesn't thrill me to pieces....but I will for sure worry all the more for her now. She is due December 27th....some come December or possibly January I will have a new grandson to love and adore! Pray for my girl.

My boy A, he is loving High School even though he is a Freshman. He is in football right and loving it. He is doing great at keeping up his homework and his attitude has been wonderful.

My girl SR, she doing wonderful in piano she quite a gift, especially for reading if I can only get her to like and enjoy it! She Loves being at her grandmas more than being home but that is nothing new. Though she struggles with reading and writing, she excels in Science. She also loves to sing so I need to incorporate more music into Homeschooling. She started Volleyball this week.

My girl AR, she is my love bug. She loves to love on me and I take ALL she can give. She too is great at piano. Unlike Staci though...Amy prefers to learn it by memory and play it her way. She enjoys it a little more than her elder sister but not much. I know one day they will appreciate it! She does very well in reading and writing but struggles some with Science. Neither girl does well in Math (why God why?!?!?! my least favorite subject). She is a great singer and loves to sing. Quite an ear for music since she was very little. Just wish she had the courage like her older sib. I can however get them to sing together and we have started working on harmony! She too started Volleyball this week...I had the girls placed on the same team. Makes my life easier.

My girl MK, She wasn't ready for school to start but she has been loving it and enjoying it. She has a great teacher (one my girl SR had before) and she really likes him. She has really settled well into our family. She has become increasingly affectionate. A few months ago she began to cuddle with me occasionally and giving me hugs without me initiating them. Then just the other night she kissed me goodnight...on my lips. I was quite surprised. She loves her parents but seems to be happy and comfortable here. I am glad she gets to see her parents often, that helps her a lot. I am thankful for her.

My boy LB, what a doll. He started Kindergarten this year and oh how thrilled he was. He even gets to ride the bus!!! He loves it. I hate the fact it's half day so I spend my morning watching the clock, get him fed, on the bus and before I know....they are home. But he is happy and he is learning. Now that he is in school I have seen some change in his always happens. The influence of other kids. He has gotten a little more defiant and a little more ornery. So that has been fun! not! He is still very affectionate and cuddly and oh how he loves the baby in our family! He fits so well into our family, it's great. He too loves his mom and dad very much but seems to be happy and comfortable here. I am thankful for him.

My baby girl, she is a living doll. Ornery as all get out...stubborn, willful, beautiful and so very loved but ALL the family. She has so many people in our family wrapped around her fingers she has no fingers left. She is so full of life. She will not be going back to her bio mom, so now we are praying she will get to stay with us. Oh how we pray that!!! We will for sure keep in contact with mom and any bio family who desires to have a relationship with her. She recognizes her mom as someone she knows, but she for sure sees me, her papa L, and her kids as her family! I am thankful for her.

As for me...I am praying for God's deliverance in areas of my life I need healing and restructure. I am praying constantly for God to fill our home with joy, peace, and laughter. Big changes have happened and big changes are on the horizon so I want my Heavenly Father to always be in the lead. For Him I can trust, For I know he loves me/us and wants what is best for me/us!
He has blessed us so amazingly!
So, that's that for now! Pray for our family....I pray for you, though I don't know who is reading this.......i still pray for you!

God's blessings