Sunday, March 29, 2009

The KOA Kids


Random Camping Pics
















We had a great time and we were blessed with great weather.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Roasting Marshmallows!

This week is spring break, a break from public school that is. We will still home school two of the 5 days and I will still have the state knocking at my door to whisk kids away to visits but at least we don't have to be up and out the door early in the morning. I like that break. I will be having portraits taken of the 3 foster kids as gifts for their 'family.' That is Monday morning (what was I thinking?!?!) so hopefully that will go well. I think it will. On Wednesday afternoon we are heading out of town...well only 45 minutes out of town. We are going camping...my kind of camping. If I could I would own and RV but until that day comes I will camp in cabins and yurts. The problem with cabins and yurts is living in a large city, anything within a 3 hr drive is booked months ahead. The Oregon state parks that is. I did stumble upon a KOA website a couple of weeks and what a God send. They now have cabins also and they actually had 2 (the size of our family requires we have two cabins now) during spring break. Yahoo! The 3 foster kids have never been camping so we are excited to expose them. It may not be tents but it will still be out in the 'wild' amongst the trees, vermin, fire pits, and with NO tv. We can't wait. We are also taking Grandma which is a treat. My parents instilled the love of camping in me....not sure where they went wrong about the tent vs cabin but I guess I can't actually blame them for all my shortcomings. We will probably have rain so this is my prayer...in this order. I pray we have no rain or we have scattered showers. At least we can then get a break and let kids run around outside. I'm not a big board game fan and my hubby is not a fan (though he wouldn't admit it out loud) to have children in small quarters for several hours. It will be fun no matter what. I will be glad for the break though the preparation and the clean up upon return home is always exhausting....being away from, PC, phone and T.V. will be wonderful. I love roasting marshmallows....I can't wait!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Whence Cometh my Help?

Just like that...you write a post about peace and strength and joy and wham.....you wake up the next morning and it doesn't take long to realize you want to crawl back into bed. Where is that peace? Where did it go? I need help!

First mistake was staying up too late with the hubby to watch a movie. Kids had no school today BUT I know we still have a baby in the house that doesn't stay asleep all night most nights and she also likes to get up before the birds. She didn't let us down. Up 4 times between the hours of 1 and 6 and then she was up starting her day.
> late for a conference
> spent and hour and 15 minutes at the doctor with a tired cranky baby just for an ear recheck
> Foster kids did not get picked up for their visit. They sat with L for an hour (while I was the doctors office) with their jackets on waiting.
> After 5 phone calls we figure out the kids won't be picked up until 1:15. Nice since L and I have an appointment at 1. Another 2 phone calls to arrange care and make sure everyone knows what is going on.
> My blood pressure is up...my stress level is topping, I have not had any time to eat yet, and we head out the door to go to and meet with someone who we care alot about but have to discuss some difficult topics. As we are loading up, L asks "want me to drive?" I say "na...that's ok, I don't mind." We start to back out and he starts talking about needing to rent a log splitter (again) and my mind goes crazy thinking about the money we would need for that and what we have spent and "Bam!" I hit something. I ran into my hubby's truck...the one parked behind me and only sticking out a 1/4 of the way onto our driveway. I knew it's there...it always is. I knew I needed to swing out around it, I do quite often, but because my brain was on overload...I forgot. I didn't even look. We get out to survey the damage and my poor old van (that is paid for and slowly falling apart) has a nice deep dent in the hatch and near the tail light. His bumper has a small dent and a face plate has come off. That topped me off. I got back in the van and cried as silently as possible. My hubby didn't freak....but I could tell he was bummed. We then dropped kiddos and went to our meeting......

So....how do you pull yourself out of a day like that? Where does help come from? I wanted to crawl into a ball and pull the blankets over my head...but as usual, life goes on. It doesn't stop and allow you to remove yourself from it, not when there are others counting on you. On the way to the meeting I am thinking "now i have to try and share my feelings, try to make sense, try to have a heart felt discussion without losing it?!?! Maybe we should reschedule. Maybe we should go eat instead. Maybe I could crawl into a ball in the back seat of my van and just let L go to the meeting." We head in together. After our 2 hour meeting I leave the meeting feeling excited, rejuvenated, relieved, and ..... well I just I feel better! God answers in funny ways. The spiritual battle is tough and when you are distracted it hits without you thinking about it. God turned it around. This is the verse that keeps coming to mind.....I will admit I don't understand all of the passage....but maybe not all of it's for me...maybe it's for YOU....but I do know parts of it speak to me.

Psalm 121
1I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
3He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
I read and study out of an NIV but sometimes.....the word sounds so beautiful in KJV. Help comes...Help comes from the Lord. He preserves our soul. MY HELP COMES FROM THE LORD.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy St. Patricks Day

CJ says " Nana...you have got to be kidding?!?" BG says "Dude, these are so cool!"

Monday, March 9, 2009

Peace

I am still here. Still trying to get myself and the family well. Too tired to type most days and some days too tired to think much. I am on auto pilot. Probably not just the flu but the world around us in general. I try not to worry and basically I don't think I am (don't have time) but there are worrisome things. My son is unemployed...has been since November. Not only do I have that situation on my mind, that situation can affect us greatly. Not only does he have a wife and my grandson to care for, they live in our old home and they pay the mortgage payments. The payments are small but if we have to make those payments because they can not, it can greatly affect our already maxed out budget. So, though I don't sit and worry about, it is a worrisome.
My eldest daughter (who lives on her own) has no transportation at times for her to get to work or home again. It would mean her walking alone at 6:30 a.m. (no bus at that time) or walking home at night at 9 p.m. (no bus in her area at that time either). So, I don't stress about it but it does cause one to worry some. I transport when I can, and when she does ask, but can't always and don't always. I can not live with the thought of her walking alone at night and if anything were to happen to her I would not be able to live with myself. I pray that somehow she is able to get herself a vehicle though even with that comes a different set of concerns. So I don't sit and worry about her, but the situation is worrisome.
Not being filled with your place of fellowship is a worrisome thing also. I don't worry about it, but it is heavy on my mind. So many aspects to consider in changing fellowships, the greatest of all is ensuring it is of the Lord. Trying to be open minded and hearted to the Lord so that direction can come. Constantly checking and rechecking what seems to be the leading of the Holy Spirit can at times be tiresome also. Want to do what is right in Gods eyes, do what is right for your family, and knowing there will be those who you leave behind. It's worrisome.

Struggling daily in a difficult marriage is worrisome...though I don't sit and worry, it is worrisome. It takes most of your emotional strength....leaving little behind for others. What a waste of time. It is worrisome to give so much and to have so little left to do what is important, important for the kingdom of God. The difficulties shouldn't be there, in the marriage that is. Focusing on Christ instead of self would give freedom. Then freedom would lead to ministry. It's tiring...it's worrisome.

Homeschooling is great but it is worrisome. I consider daily 'will we be successful?' "Am I walking in Gods leading?" "Am I doing the best I can?" "Will I help my daughters or hinder?" "Am I giving them enough?" "Will this affect their future in a positive way or negative?" I feel solid in our decision to home school but still those thoughts creep in. So, truly I don't sit and worry but your child's education and future are a worrisome thing.

This little being I have been entrusted with to care for until the possibility of return to her parent is a worrisome thing. I have fallen so madly in love with her and yet she is not mine and may never be. The 'never be' part maybe wouldn't be so difficult to handle if her 'parent' was someone who saw what a great treasure this little one is, not just something 'neat.' If this parent would do all she could to grow and mature and ensure she was emotionally sound to care for this baby. But all that said, it is my opinion this parent is not. So daily I look into those gorgeous big blue eyes and see what kind of stability we can offer, all the while knowing that she could possibly be given back to the bio parent in the very near future and then live daily with only God knows what. Now I try not to worry about this situation, but it I do worry. I worry about her, I worry about my family if we lose her, and I worry about my mind and heart. I worry if i will have the strength to continue this ministry. THEN I remember...it's not MY ministry, it is Jehovah's ministry.
I am weak but HE is strong.
With all this said, the one reason that I can refocus constantly to keep from 'worrying' is because of my creator. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, he holds me and my loved ones in his hand. He may allow trials for the purpose of refining us, but I know he will not allow more than we can handle. I know I have given him not only my soul, but I have given him my life. I live for him. He has blessed me with 'much' and i so want to return 'much' to him. I want my life to reflect him and honor him. He knew before the beginning of time who I would be, where I would be, and what I would be doing and yet HE chose me to care for these kids (the adult ones and the little ones). He chose me to love this man called husband. He chose me to fall in love with the brothers and sisters at our current fellowship. ALL of this HE chose and prepared....so I know He has already prepared the road yet to be traveled. He knows the outcome, he says....

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I LOVE HIM, I have been called according to HIS purpose so I can rest assured he will work all things for the good. I must daily, hourly, every minute keep my focus on HIM.


Our Savior tells us....

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" John 16:33


Peace in Him. In all this turmoil we can have peace because our life, our eternal life is secure. This world has nothing to offer us but fake happiness and security. This world is preparing us, changing us, refining us for our eternal future. We don't have to worry or fret. We have what we need, let's pray for each other to live in it.....live in that peace. The peace that must dwell in our hearts and in our minds.

Praise and worship the Prince of Peace. JESUS

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Whats with this flu?

I heard people talking about the flu that was going around. I heard that so many people were calling in sick to work. Many kids missing at school but as time went by I thought...whew, we missed....and then it hit. It hit the oldest two girls first. They were down a couple of days but bounced back pretty good. Then the two older foster kids were hit. MK had a harder day than normal and then was fine (she has a great immune system) and then our little guy was hoarse and tired for a couple of days. Then it hit the baby. It has been a rough ride let me tell you. She would appear to be getting better and then go downhill again. Last Wednesday when I was holding her and she just laid there and whined I knew she was hurting. I got her in and she had infections in both ears and possible strep. She is now on a 10 day round of antibiotics. I too started with a headache and scratchy throat. Then it seemed to start going away and then wham. This weekend has been miserable. The sinus headaches are terrible. My eyes water so much I can barely see and everything from my throat up hurts. Even my teeth. So if I still feel down Monday morning I will go see the doc and see if I can get some antibiotics. I am praying we are on the road to recovery. This has been one long haul. Now the hubby is complaining about a scratchy throat. I pray he can miss the bad stuff. He usually does.
I am thankful for my husband and kids. They really pulled through today and let me rest. I had no choice I couldn't keep my eyes open. But they did great. The guilt was horrible. I don't like 'using' my kids to take care my responsibilities but today was so difficult and they did a great job. Such a wonderful family.