Monday, October 17, 2011

The heart of this foster mom

The state called today...another baby needing placed. It is such a bag of mixed emotions for me. I don't know if everyone goes through this or it's just me or it's just because I am still relatively new at this compared to others. Since my first placements all stayed. I feel is nervous as all get out. I also feel a little excited and I also feel very sad. Nervous because I have no idea what is coming. Will the baby be cranky?Will the baby be overwhelmed with what just happened. Will the baby be needy? Alot of questions. I feel a little excited because I just love babies and I especially love baby girls. Getting to get them all dressed up and pretty. Then there is the feeling of sadness...know that a broken person just created a broken family. Especially in this case...knowing that as I am typing, the state is on their way to remove the baby from custody. So very very sad. So, I can't be all just one emotion. I can't be all nervous. I can't be all excited. I can't be all nervous. BUT I can't be this one thing...faithful. I can rest all that I am into the great 'I Am.' He knows all about this little one. He knew she would be coming our way. He knows what she needs, what her mama needs, and all her family. He is the only one who can do anything about it. I will be the tool to care for and love on this little one until....until....until whatever happens happens. I do appreciate the opportunity to pray for all of them...all the family involved. I pray with all my heart the little one is not scared when she gets here. That will be heart wrenching. I pray...I mean PRAY and ask God to bless her with peace as soon as she comes through our door. That her heart and mind will feel at ease. He will do this...I believe He will.  To be continued......

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I didn't look back

The state came and took 'the baby' today to take her to her new, possibly temporary home. I am honest and will say I was a little sad when they called yesterday to tell me. I felt like she would stay...but I guess it was just wishful thinking. It is out of my hands and I don't know her future or what she truly needs. Only one does and that is the Almighty Living God. This is the door he opened for her so, I prayed her through it. All week I have prayed for her and her situation. I have prayed alone in silence, prayed alone out loud and even prayed at 'Worship' practice with some of my brothers and sisters. That tiny baby girl is covered!!! If anything evil tries to come against her, it will not break through the barrier of Gods mighty angels. His hand is over her. So thankful I have Him to put my trust in.

So, she is gone...the crib is empty. Forgot one of her bottles sitting on my kitchen counter drying...that tugged my heart a little. I know this ministry isn't about me...because 'me' wouldn't have let her go. This ministry is about God's business and I am a tool...and....that's a great thing! "Oil me up Lord and use me!"

So put the baby into the car, kissed her, talked to her, shut the door and walked away. I didn't look back...just have to keep looking ahead because God's got more in store.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Not about me!

We have a foster baby with us right now. She is almost 3 weeks old. Oh my goodness she is tiny and so precious. It is so bitter sweet. I know this is Gods ministry, I know we are in this to help keep children loved, blessed, and safe until they can return to their healthy parents...but oh how this will be a challenge for me. Letting her go. Better sooner than later...but already my kids are madly in love with her and each day I can feel my heart absorbing her more and more. A woman I really appreciate and she is founder of 'Project Hopeful' always says..."it's not about me" or "'s not about you!" I totally isn't about me. It's about my God and it's about this baby who needed a safe haven until God allows her to go where ever she needs to go...but my heart me. That part is me and that part of me can feel the sadness creeping in. It's the lack of faith, because I worry about where will she whom is she going. She is not being returned to bio mom...but they are digging deep to find a family member for her to go to. That's the part that is tough for me. If it was mom...not as painful...digging in the woodwork to fine someone,.....anyone related that she can go to...that doesn't set well with my spirit...but it is what it is. I am doing what God has called me to do. I will love on her, pray over her, and feed her and keep her safe, warm and clean. God will help me through the hump....feels more like a mountain though!

Post Coooonnnnncerrrrrt!

Oh goodness...what a great time we had. My girl was so excited....and so was I! We met some friends at the church where the concert was being held. We met them at 5, ate some dinner and had great fellowship. At 6 we were able to enter the building. We stood in line to get our girls t-shirts. My friends 3 girls each got 'The Afters' t-shirts and my girl got a 'Casting Crowns' t-shirt. The concert started right at 7.

We were in our seats and ready at 7. The first performer was Lindsay McCaul. She was amazing. We both LOVED her voice. We bought her CD. The next group was 'The Afters,' my girl fell in love with them! The next group was 'Sanctus Real.' THENNNN...Casting Crowns came out and sang the new song (and movie) Courageous! They were fantastic. During intermission Mark Hall invites youth leaders to attend a meeting...I knew this was coming so I grabbed my girls hand and led the way. All the while she is saying...where are we going, whats going on. I said trust me. We got to the room, listened to an assistant talk about 'Global Youth MInistry' and then Mark Hall comes walking out. We were just steps away from girl was so star struck! I loved it. He had great things to say about leading and ministering to our youth...and do you think I can remember any of it? NOPE!!! I hate that. He said something so great...I loved it...wanted to write it down...didn' can't remember what it was. ugh!
All evening I kept looking for Marks wife...have always wanted to meet her. She seems to be a pretty amazing woman. She is mom to 4, the youngest is adopted and has some health issues. She home schools her kids and she is CC's road manager. Wow! Would loved to talk to her. Never saw wasn't until until about 2 days later I saw a past Tweet she had posted and it was a picture of Mark Hall talking to US! She was standing back behind us and I didn't even know she was there! DANG! Wouldn't have had the nerve to walk up to her and talk to her...but would have been cool just to see her.

Pre Concert

My girl with 'The Afters'

Casting Crowns unplugged

All the performers up singing 'Until the Whole World Hears' Yeh...I rocked this song!

Picture Taken by Mark Halls wife Melanie, you can see the back of my girl and I . We are in front and she has her hand on my back.

We are ready to rock!

Waiting in our seats

Mark Hall, pic not taken by me

Our friends

Listening to Mark Hall speak about Youth ministry

With Lindsay McCaul, and Josh from 'The Afters jumping into the shot' LoL

My beautiful girl with my Favorite Christian Rock band!
LOVE this pic
So we went back to our seats, part 2 started....CC is amazing. AMAZING. I love their hearts for our creator. I love their hearts for missions. I love their hearts for service. I love their hearts (and great talents) for music. Oh and Mark Hall is funny too...that's an added bonus! They reconfirmed why I love this group so much. I now have a great liking for 'The Afters' and I really like Lyndsay McCaul. She was phenomenal!
GREAT GREAT evening....provided by GOD! 
We were ready to leave and saw we could get autographs from The Afters and we did that. Then we heard CC would be coming up to give autographs! We were thrilled...I Was amazed at how God was blessing us. I have met them before but oh how I wanted my girl to get a chance to meet them...and she did. We left that building at was worth every drop of sweat and achy feet. God is so good! What an amazing blessing! I pray groups like we saw that night never ever lose sight of what a gift they have been given to be able to live their hearts desire and share with others the glory and beauty of praise and worship music. That was not the road chose for me...but I sure can dream...and Mark Hall has no idea what amazing harmony I did with him that night!!!  :-)
p.s. just realized I posted a video as a picture...sorry!