Saturday, October 16, 2010

She is OUR daughter

We made it, she is our girl. The judge signed the papers. We were surrounded by family and friends. It was beautiful. It was hectic, chaotic, surreal and yet beautiful.

My family and I met my parents, a family friend, and one of my sisters at a 'MAX' stop (that is our rail transit) and we headed to downtown Portland. At one point my husband told me what time it was and my heart fell. I knew in that instant we were going to be late. LATE? To our daughters adoption ceremony? I couldn't believe. I have not felt that sick to my stomach in so long. Once off the MAX me, my daughter in-law and two of my girls walked (pushing strollers) as fast as we could to the courthouse. When we got there the line going through security was L-O-N-G. The jurors were coming back from lunch. Oh how I wanted them to realize how much more important our business in that court house was! (lol) so we took our turn. Both my daughter in law and I beeped...ugh! I had to remove my shoes...she had to remove her belt. We got through, took the elevator to the second floor and flew down the hallway to the courtroom. We go flying in and my pastor greets us...says, "they haven't asked for you guys yet." whew!!! To my surprise....there were so many of our church family there! WOW! Also in attendance was our caseworker and one of our favorites SSA's (the person who transported BG to visits). It was breath taking and touching. The judge comes and asks for me to come forward...but I had to inform her not everyone was there. Yikes! That is unsettling..she moved onto some cases. Then the rest of us straggled in. My husband with his boots untied, sweat on his head and his belt in his hand. If I had not be so over the top flipped out...it would have been funny at the time.

Finally, my husband and I were called forward, the judge signed, the judge stated BG's full new name and everyone cheered and clapped...pictures were taken. The judge handed BG a stuffed animal and me a box of cookies and napkins. Less than 5 minutes and it was over. We headed to the hall where there were laughs and more pictures. My kids were all so happy and excited. Later BG kept saying in her 2yr old voice "Mama and Papa adopt me." we would say, "Yes baby...Mama and Papa adopted you!" Sweet baby.

The following Sunday we dedicated her to our Almighty God in front of our church family. It was sweet and special and she cried through the WHOLE thing. Lovely! She is two after all. We had a lovely happy reception afterwards. The events of that week were glorious. I can't explain (those who have been through it know) how it felt to have that finalized. She is Gods first and ours second! But let me talk no more...let me introduce our baby to you...
Phoenix Marie Porter
(she will still be referred to as BG)


p.s. We only changed her last name.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A couple of others....

Yes I have other kids...I know I usually post pics of the baby...so I thought I would take this time to post pics of the others....















October?

Seriously? October? How..when did that happen? I just can't believe it. Sometimes this whole 'time' thing is really hard to wrap the brain around. Life goes by so quickly. Most days I wish it didn't, but there are those days when I am glad it does.


There hasn't been too many exciting events in the Porter house, aside from camps, school starting, stomach flu, and things like that. Just 'run of the mill' stuff. We had 2 monumental birthdays this summer. A 16th and a 13th. Yikes! There is exciting events in our very near future though. The adoption is only but a day away. Our entire family is over the top excited about that. Will be glad when the document is signed. Then I can take a deep breath. Today my baby has a final state conducted visit. There has been no indication of possibility of bio mom taking flight with BG, but yet my heart feels cautious. There will be 2 case workers present so that does give me some comfort. I am not worrying, but I am praying. Will be glad when she is back home to me and in my arms. Then the visits will be quarterly and bio mom will have to make initial contact. I am praying for bio moms heart. I pray she will come to know Jesus as her savior. I am praying her heart will not be crushed to where she can not see the light. I pray she will have comfort in knowing her daughter is in a loving home. A home that adores her. A home that prays for both of them. It's an emotional week, tinges of sadness but oh so rich with joy.
The other event soon in coming is Christmas. It will be marvelous Christmas. One where our 'new' daughter will be celebrating as a Porter. Also, my eldest daughter K will be coming home and bringing my precious grandson with her. They will be here for Christmas and WA first birthday. He is just too precious for words and oh how my heart aches for him. To learn that my daughter, his Mommy, is expecting a baby again made me a little sad at first. Sad that my girl will have so much work to do. Sad her poor back would go through this again so soon. I am happy she is ok with it. I am happy that she doesn't have to work and she has her own home. I know she is happy to be with her husband, as well she should be. He will hopefully be there for the duration of this pregnancy. I will try to be there for the delivery, but those darn babies have minds of their own.


Homeschooling is challenging. Last year we went to a virtual school through our local school district. I was told by a parent that the kids are pretty self reliant. They can just cruise at their own pace. Well....we joined late last year and I didn't get a whole feel for it. I needed something that would free me up. Something they could work on for themselves. I feel we have just be given 500lbs of bricks. My girls are not able to do their work on their own. They need so much assistance. I thought it was just my girls, but the advisor told me yesterday the curriculum is difficult. The majority of kids need constant assistance. sigh. We will manage. I feel I have no choice. I won't send them back to public school, private school is not an option, and we can't afford Christian curriculum so we will stick it out.


So much on my mind anymore but never time to write it all down....well write it down and make sense of it.


Tomorrow...will be a great day! Adoption day. So far it sounds like many friends and loved ones will be attending. Watch out Multnomah County Courthouse...you are being invaded by many who love BG!!!! GOD ROCKS!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Adoption Court Date

YES...we have a date. The adoption of our precious BG will be on October 5th downtown Portland. We are having an 'adoption ceremony.' I have no idea what to expect but don't even care. Just want to be there and see it made official. This judge has known BGs bio mom for several years. I am glad it will be her signing the official document.
Please never think I am being cold and callous in regards to bio mom, because I am not. She is a constant thought in my mind. I feel sad for her. My heart has broken many times over her....but right now and in the next month it will be all about my baby girl. Because God has chosen us to raise this amazing child. God has placed her in our family and though I am sad about the bio's life choices or her history I am choosing to rejoice and celebrate the gift God has given us.
This little girl is amazing and I know I have done nothing in my life to deserve something so amazing. I am thankful and grateful that for whatever reason or reasons God placed her with us and as of October 5th, she will become a Porter!

'Thank you Father, the Almighty God!'

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I Returned

We made it to Hawaii and I have returned...alone. I had never been to Hawaii so it was exciting to see it and get to see a few historical landmarks and some traditional Hawaiian spots, such as Waikiki...BUT just as I thought my heart was weighed down the entire time. It didn't help that my little guy had a bad rash on his bottom that made him very uncomfortable and cranky and that my daughters monthly friend returned the day after we arrived there. Then the day I was to leave she developed a bladder infection. Yeh...all that really helped me want to leave...not! I needed to stay to care for them. But I did my duty and I loaded my bags, made my way through security with tears streaming down my face and then got around the corner and had a cry fest. I wanted to sob...but I at least controlled that. I only cried a few tears as my plane left the island and I left my precious kids behind. It's been hard to shake the sadness...I hope it passes. I do...I want to be happy for them and about them. I truly do.
It was an interesting and exhausting trip. I did enjoy being the Nana Nanny. My little guy slept with me the first two nights and then slept in his portacrib my last night. I rocked him to sleep each night and fed him breakfast each morning. I sat in the back seat of the rental car when we would go places and oh how I love that little face. He has a way about him...he is very contemplative. He stares into your eyes and he has the sweetest eyes ever. I love that little man...I miss him so much.
So, I am waiting on the Lord. Waiting to see what the lesson is. Man...the trials I have been going through are exhausting. Many of which I don't share with anyone. But let me tell you...I feel like an empty vessel most days. That is not the way to live and I waiting...waiting for wisdom, waiting for change. Waiting on the Lord. That is the best I can do.



Wednesday, August 25, 2010

No big deal

So, I did finally find out what the 'call' was about and it wasn't that big of deal. Something a 'loving' family member accused me of years ago and decided to resurrect it when I started fostering. The state didn't take it too seriously but had to follow up on it. I explained everything and they were satisfied. I won't go into details, just know I am ok and even more important...the kiddos are ok. All is well. The 'dark one' tried to stop what God set into motion but it didn't work. God was victorious again...like duh! Of course He was! He IS the Alpha and the Omega...the creator, the savior, the everlasting Almighty God!
I am glad though that little bump in the road is done...for now! The liers and the backstabbers REALLY need to move on and get a life!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

My girl is leaving...

My daughter K will be leaving for Hawaii tomorrow and will be taking my precious grandson also. I do have the blessing of going along with her, but oh how my heart is heavy and will even say that it is broken. I will miss her so much but my grieving is over my grandson. The thought of missing him grow and change is so hard. The thought of not kissing and snuggling him at least once twice a week is heart breaking. He will be a different little boy when I see him next. God willing that will be December...when he is one. Then I won't see him til next summer. It's just so much for my heart. I hope to enjoy our time there...but I already know that my heart will be so heavy.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

What If's

Yesterday I got up early to 'spiff' the house up in preparation of a visitor...a visitor of legal sorts. The Legal Assistant to an attorney for one of my kiddos. So I am 'spiffing' the house and get over to my desk where I see I have a message on my phone. Weird...I didn't even know I had missed a call on Monday or Tuesday. So I listen and suddenly what, if any bliss I had while cleaning pretty much came crashing down. It was our state certifier (now I share this story as not a way to air dirty laundry but to allow you the opportunity to share in this experience and to learn along with me) and she said she had received a report she needs to discuss with me. Nothing extremely serious but needed to be addressed. There are probably some out there that would hit delete and let it go. Oh no, not me. I have a weakness (well several...but this is the one being addressed), I worry. She didn't give me any clue as to what the 'report' was so I can't even tell you how many scenarios have gone through my mind. Thinking...what if I have yelled one too many times at the kids? What if I did not make them keep their rooms clean enough. Is my room too dirty? What if I don't make them bathe often enough...is not every 2 or 3 days enough? What if MK was mad at Papa Larry because she got in trouble for talking back...did she tell them he was "mean?" What if it's because I have late bills? What if the kids told a lie (I doubt it)? What if it's because the day Papa L babysat he didn't feed them lunch before going of on a visit? When I asked him why, he said "they never said they were hungry." Ugh!.....So, yeh. I pretty much obsess over things. I DON'T like surprises so I try to think of every possibility. Sadly, the certifier only works Mondays and Tuesday....I will have to wait a week for the 'results'...I mean the phone call.
We are not bad people. I don't abuse or neglect my kids so why would something like this tap into my 'dark' side...that worry section!
It's still nagging at me...but I am going to try and let go of it. Focus on the kids today. I have plans to take them to some of our local waterfalls. It's free, it's close, and it's beautiful.
So today, Lord, help me to live Matthew 6:34 'Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." AMEN!!!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Ahhh...that's why....

So all along I have been blaming myself for the blogging slumber. Thinking I was in a funk...a foul mood. Nothing good to write about. Can't keep a thought and so on and so on....
Could this possibly be the reason I have trouble blogging?

Monday, July 26, 2010

A Decision

I have contemplated for quite a while opening our home to more kids. Is it the Holy Spirit nudging? I kept telling myself we can't because we don't have a large enough van. I also knew we couldn't fit more bodies around the dining room table. Well...we found a table. It extends to 8' long. So...I continued to think...well we still don't have a van or money to buy one. Then one Sunday I thought (again...was it the HS) turn the family room into a bedroom. So now I am wondering is God testing me? Because I have held onto that family room. It's actually a larger bedroom we turned into a family room. I like it so. It's where the t.v. is. It's where the toys are. It's where all the family pictures are hung. I really like that room. So, is God testing me? Is he waiting for me to step out in faith before he opens the door to blessings? I don't know really. I want to know this is from him. I have so far turned our entry area into a dining room, to accommodate the new dining table. I turned the small dining room into our computer area. I will say it's worked out ok. I not terribly fond of it...but it works. So, I am waiting for direction. If we turned the family room into a bedroom and then by some miracle we get a bigger rig we could take in 2 more kids. TWO more kiddos...two more lives to have love and stability. It makes sense to move forward...but man it's going to be alot of work...and money. We have to have the cable guy come out AGAIN...at a tune of $76...again!!! I would have to consolidate stuff and part with things...which is a little hard but totally doable and wouldn't stop me. So, I am just putting 'it' out there. Pray for direction. Pray for my heart. Pray for Gods Holy Spirit to direct. Pray I don't listen to the Negative Nelly's and let them get me down. I wan to walk in Gods direction.

Thanks for your prayers.

A day at the beach

We were actually able to escape for a day this week. It was nice. One of my favorite places on earth...the Oregon coast. Lincoln City to be exact. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing which made it quite chilly and the little one didn't like walking on the sand. She is funny about things. So she sat quite a while...which is very much unlike her. Then she rolled around the blanket some and then later she sat in my beach chair. Funny duck. The other two (we only took 3...the other 3 were scatter amongst family) had a great time. They were freezing half the time but would warm up quickly and go off again. The beach we go to has a small river that feeds into the ocean. It's called a river but looks like a small creek. Just perfect for Little ones to play in. We found our beach treasures, got a few sunburns (me) then after a few hours went to dinner at my favorite coastal restaurant....Mo's. The kids ate great. Little MK had clam chowder for the first time and loved it. She also had shrimp but we knew she already loved that. All of them ate well. We then checked out a Pier in a small town called 'Taft.' The kids got to see wind surfers and clam diggers. Lot's of new stuff for them. Headed home and they crashed out. Slept 3/4 of the way home. A nice quiet drive.
It was a good day. Hope to get some more of that action in the next week or two. I need it!!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Summmmer break.....

I want to write, I want to share, I want to get on here and spill my heart....but it seems my mind is always a jumbled mass of much! This jumbled mass seems to have difficulty forming a sentence. Difficulty just forming coherent thoughts. Nothing is wrong mind you...I can think but it seems with so much going on, the thinking is on overload and it tends to 'spark' inside this skull.

I enjoy reading other blogs and yet seem to have a hard time doing that even. Facebook....maybe it's facebooks fault. Short little tidbits. Teency bits of information here and there...it seems to fit my mental lifestyle....or has it trained me to find comfort in those teency bits of information? Nah...it's just me.

We have had our bouts with illness'. From strep throat, to colds, to stomach flu. Good times! not!

We are in the middle of the adoption for our youngest. She is legally free...I guess you could say she is an orphan now. Sad that it came to that. Sad her bio Mom wasn't able to straighten things out in her life. Thankful God chose us to raise this baby. Hopefully, and God willing, she will be the newest Porter this summer. I will be glad when it's legal and she is officially ours.

Speaking of summer. Oh how happy I was to think about summer. Couldn't wait for the break. Then it hit and oh how hectic it is. One set of obligations stops for summer and a whole new set starts. I am still enjoying the summer break though. A break from my kids schooling. A break from...well just several things.

I have done some outside work. Some flower planting, blackberry cutting, weeding and I planted 4 tomato plants. This week my husband has vacation and since we don't have the funds to go anywhere we will stay home and put energy into home projects. Yesterday and today we started a carport/storage shed cleaning and reorganization. We have purchased some new (to us) shelving to use out there. Hope to plug up some holes and make it a little more difficult for the pesky rodents to get in. They have ruin enough stuff. I would rather be on a vacation but I am thankful we have a home to spend time at. Very thankful.

Looks at though I will be taking the dreaded trip to Hawaii. Don't get me wrong...Hawaii has been been my dream trip for most of my life. I did a report on Hawaii when I was in grade school and have wanted to go ever since. I have dreamed and dreamed of going there...BUT...now I go for a different purpose. I have been 'enlisted' to go and help my daughter move there. I will be escorting my daughter (the one given to me by God with much prayer) and my precious grandson. I will only be there 3 nights. Most of that will be babysitting while my daughter and son inlaw spend 'time' together. It's a sad journey for me...one that I will spend my return flight fighting back tears. We will be going to Honolulu/Pearl Harbor. I am trying to focus on the good. Focusing on the fact my kids are not in a foreign country. The fact I am only leaving them until we can see each other again at Christmas. I am not losing them to death..MUCH to be thankful for. It is what my daughter wants. All of that should make me feel better...and it does. My heart is broke but at least it's not devastated beyond repair. So I will enjoy the long flight where I can hold, kiss, hug, and wrestle my grandson whom I adore. It will be a time my girl and I can have a few hours to focus on each other. Once there...maybe my little man and I can venture to a sandy beach and enjoy the palm trees and sand and water. Him and I can get a coconut drink and soak up some sun...yeh...that's the ticket!!!
So far this month we had a baby girl turn 13 (sad...very sad! lol) and a baby girl turn 2! Whew...big milestones. I am still always perplexed at how quickly time passes.

Lots on my mind and heart but not much I want to spew out on this blog right now. Trying to keep it light. Life is not light so we can choose to keep all that is heavy and difficult at the forefront or put it aside and move on. Focus on what is good. Not always easy but I have found it does help.

Philippians 4:8
'Finally brothers whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is true, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -think about such things.'

Thursday, July 8, 2010

4th of July Pictures






















































Geesh...

I really dislike going so long between posts because I never know where to start....what to share...a little 'writerswhelmed.' .
I will start with facts:
Summer is in full swing. We have bug bites to prove it. Mosquito's are horrible this year. We have gone through 2 cans of bug spray in 2 weeks. I can't imagine those who live this daily.
A few have been to our lovely and local Multnomah falls once so far. Took my youngest kiddo and my youngest grandson. Their first time being there. We had lunch, which my eldest daughter paid for, and then we went and had icecream. A great day.

We had a family bbq at my nieces house of the 3rd of July...my middle daughters birthday. Nice seeing family and getting to hug on my brother. He brought newly acquired pictures of my nephew and some oldies of my siblings. As for my daughters birthday...she turned 13...TEEN. sigh...these kids...they grow up way too fast. She, for one, has been acting like a teen since she was 2 or 3...so there are no surprises. It's just sad that she looks like such a young lady now. She has gotten taller than me....not that it's difficult to do...but still! When she was born, I had her by C'section so we spent the 4th of July in the hospital watching, from the 3rd floor windows people lighting off fireworks. She is so dear to me. She is such a beauty inside and out.
Then we get to 4th of July. It was a little odd since it fell on a Sunday. We had to rise early because every year our church moves the time of our Sunday service one hour. Instead of starting at 11 we start at 10. So that meant we had to get up even earlier, be at church for worship team practice at 9, have church, then kill a couple of hours between church and the service we conduct at the neighboring nursing home. We finished at 2:30 and headed home to spruce up the house, prepare the grill, get the patio area ready and wait for our company to arrive. So, it all turned out great. The weather was cloudy and cool, the mosquito's were lousy but the fellowship with family was sweet. I am blessed to have a great daughter in law...one who happens to have great parents so it is nice when they join us as well.
From our house we can see professional fireworks pretty good that are set off over one of our neighboring lakes. Then my son and his helpers set off our store bought ones. In Oregon any fireworks that fly are illegal, but our neighbors like to purchase the illegal ones in Washington...so we get to see those as well. Quite pretty some of them. I was glad the day was done and we picked up the mess and the family members went home. My husband and I then sat out our patio area and enjoyed a nice backyard fire and the glow of the tiki torches and the few fireworks still going off. Nice relaxing end to a very busy day!
Happy Belated Birthday America. I am so thankful God as blessed us greatly and pray He continues to do so.
I will post 4th of July pics in the next post...easier and faster that way!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

A loss

We had some shocking news in our family the other day. My nephew, the only child to my oldest brother, passed away suddenly. His wife found him on Thursday. He lived in Carson City Nevada. He was only 33.
I am sad at the loss of life. I am sad that the namesake to my dad and my brother is gone. I am sad that the only red headed boy of my parents 16 grandchildren has left us. My greatest sadness is that my brother, my only surviving brother, has lost his baby! His one and only child. The one he was so thrilled and proud to bring into this world. The one he showered with love and gifts. The one who held his heart. It has brought a huge sadness over our family.
My brother and him had been estranged for a few a years and just last month 'friended' each other on Facebook. I was so happy that they had taken this step to healing their relationship...then this happened. It doesn't make sense to me, but I know God knew this was coming. God, I believe, allowed the door to reconciliation to be opened. Though in my mind I think why couldn't they have been allowed time to mend it, to see each other again...while on the other hand I am thankful my brother was given that time to at least connect.
Now my prayers will be for the health of my brother, his emotional and spiritual health. I am praying with all that I am my brothers heart will turn to the Savior. I pray the void that is in his broken heart will be filled with the true and living King.
My nephew, Edward Lee Morris III. Our hearts are broken over you. What a great impact you made on this family when you were born and now an even greater impact with your leaving.

Monday, June 7, 2010

A little down

I have been a little down, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Hence the lack of posts. I miss posting but mostly I miss reading blogs. It was always uplifting to sit with a cup of coffee and read thoughts and feeling from different women in the U.S. Being down has affected that some along with the interruptions of the little one and the endless lists of appointments and house chores needing to be done.
I really dislike when blogs I get accustom to reading suddenly stop writing (not as much as when they put a password block on it without warning their readers) but never less....I understand when people have lack of time or energy to write...but as a reader I miss it. So I apologize to the few who read (or use to read) mine.
I am hoping in the next few months life within the Porters home will be calm or organized enough to where I can have a routine of reading blogs again.
As for me and my house, we are well. Busy, crazy, noisy and well. Thank you God!
Hope all is well with you.

Gods blessings!
MP

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Names in The Lambs Book of Life

I don't mean to be so neglectful with blogging as of late but it seems so little time and energy. I did have time to catch up on blog reading and once again...Kellys Korner had a 'Show us Your Life' I wanted to participate in....
Your Kids Names....

I have a formal name, Malissa, but my family and friends always called me Missy. So I decided that was what I would do with my kids. Give them formal names with a good nickname.
James Allen - Waaaay back in 85 I had my first child. My first love! I named him James Allen and usually call him Jamie or Jake. He was named after my Grandfather who passed away when my dad was 12. I gave him the middle name of Allen, after my husbands best friend.
Karina Rose - In 1988 I was blessed with a daughter. I was going to name her Alissa...but it just never set right with me. Maybe because it didn't have a nickname I liked. My sister and I sat around the table one day talking about it and she liked the name Carrie. So we played around with spelling and formal names and such and we came up with the perfect name Karina, nickname of Kari. I gave her the middle name of Rose, my Mom's middle name. Love it!
Anastasia Rae - Then several years later I was pregnant with my 3rd child, a daughter. I chose the name Anastasia, yes after the Russian Tsar daughter. As a child I was very fascinated by the story and by the beauty of Anastasia and at the time it was a very unique name. A month after she was born the Disney movie Anastasia came out. Not so unique now, but we could buy things with her name on it. We call her Staci which fits her perfectly. I gave the middle name, Rae....my middle name.
Amelia Renae - Then very soon after and while on birth control I became pregnant with my 4th. I was not happy to be pregnant again but accepted it was what it was. About 5-6 months into my pregnancy my husband left me. I was devastated at the prospect of having a baby and 3 children and working full time. I could not see how I would manage. Some encouraged me to adopt the 4 baby out. But deep in my heart, that was not an option for me. Another name I always loved as a child was Amy. Don't know where I heard it but I named my baby dolls Amy. I then had to decide on the 'formal' name. The one I liked was Amelia. When she was born, she was the cuddliest most affectionate baby I had ever had. She filled a void in my heart...and the name Amy fit perfectly...the meaning is 'Beloved.' Her middle name is Renae. I have a sister and a niece whom I dearly love with the middle name of Rene...so I used that and changed it some.
Phoenix Marie - we are in the midst of adopting our youngest. When she was placed with us I never liked her name. We only called her Baby girl. Now when we say it, it sounds more like a name than a term of endearment. Once it became clear we would be adopting her I started thinking about changing her name. I was excited...spent weeks praying and thinking about it. I wanted God to speak to me about her name. Afterall she ultimately belongs to him. Nothing came...one night I was flipping through a magazine when my niece texted me and one of the things she asked was if I would be changing BGs name. I told her, I think I had come to the conclusion her name would stay the same. About 2 minutes after that declaration I turned a page in the magazine and a full page ad for Phoenix college was there. It said "I am Phoenix!" whoa! hmmmm....could it? Would it? I will take that as a yes. So her name stays Phoenix. Now it's not final and maybe God is testing my faith and he will give me something different at the end...but I am pretty certain this is the name decided for her. As for middle name. She named after her Bio mama and its the same name of my best friends, one who has passed and one who is still living. It's a good name and it keeps her connection with her birth parent. So I am good with that. Phoenix seems to fit her now. When people ask her name it's usually the younger generation who like it....so that's good. She's beautiful and perfect no matter what her name.

Some names I LOVE and would love to have children or grandchildren named;
Alivia and Nathaniel. I could not get anyone to agree to Nathaniel. Nathan..it's a great name and one you don't hear often. Maybe one day....just maybe.
I do believe there may be an Alexis out there for our family.....but that's another story.

As for my adult kids, these are the names they have used for my grandsons and future grandkids. We have a Carter James and a William Arnold. The names they have picked out for future kids....Karson Daniel, Natalie Dawn, Evelyn Fae and Daniele Rose. Good names!

The best thing of all...is for all these names to be written in the Lambs book of life......GLORY!!!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Black, White, Tan

In 1998 I was pregnant with my youngest (my 4th) and I became a single Mom. It was one of the toughest years of my life. I had no idea how I was going to survive. I was left with a car payment, a mortgage, a credit card bill, a job making $8.50 an hour, 3 kids with one on the way. It was pretty dismal. But God showed up, in a matter of speaking. He was always there but he was put on the back burner so I could 'run' my life. So when I hit bottom, what did I do? I looked up. I asked Him for help. At first I just survived. I would rely on him and then fall back into old habits of relying on myself. But he never let me fall far. I had a healthy beautiful daughter join our family. A daughter who's name means beloved, and that she was! She filled a hurting heart. I then transferred into a different position with a great increase in pay, found a wonderful daycare provider (who is now a dear friend), paid off the credit card with a hefty tax return, met some new friends and grew a deeper relationship with my niece who would hang out or let me hang out with her and all my kids. It was a dark time that lightened in no time at all.

Over the course of 7 1/2 years I, with God's mercy, became a stable God loving person. I had known him since I was 8, gave him my heart. In 1988 I gave him my soul but never fully gave him my life. In 2003 I had given him my life. My 4 kids and I were happy and I was making a living for us. BUT...this heart of a woman felt something missing. That deep seeded feeling of not feeling complete. I would lay out my desires to God. The Desire to share this life with a God loving spouse yet always completing that request with "thy will be done." I wanted what God wanted for my life. I would also qualify it by saying "But if you choose to give me a life partner, this is how I would ask I meet him...just so that I would know he is from you." lol...I know, sound quirky but it was my heart. I had made so many bad mistakes I wasn't going to risk this strong will independent woman making another stupid heart related mistake!

In 2004, I was a member of a very large Portland Area church. I was participating in the music ministry. At this time I was part of the Christmas program, a vocalist in the choir. It was grueling. A lot of music to learn and hours and hours of practice. But it was glorious. I loved it. We had a Friday night service, 2 on Saturday and there would be 2 on Sunday. The first service of the morning went great and I was expecting my best friend Amy to be there. After the service I went looking for her. I was in a hurry for we had 1 more service to finish out the season. As I was coming to the end of the hallway and had given up finding her in the multitude of people I became aware there was someone in front of me and coming towards me, not moving out of the way. I then look up and there was the huge smile. A big man with a bald shiny head and a big smile. He struck up a conversation with me about the music. Before I knew it I was taking his email address (to send him some church info) and just before we parted he asked if he could meet me for coffee. It totally floored me. One I had never been 'asked out' before and second this was what I had asked of my Lord. That if he had planned a spouse for me, I would meet him at church! Well...to be honest I wasn't actually flattered, irritated is more the word. I was there focusing on the worship and here was this guy trying to set a date! But I was cordial. It took me almost 4 weeks before I emailed him. I didn't want to step out of Gods will. I wanted to be sure I wasn't opening a door that God didn't want open and would be difficult to close.

His side of the story is this, when Larry was watching the choir sing he was looking at each member to see who he recognized and that's when he saw me. He said he couldn't take his off of me. "You were glowing..." he said. Then a soft voice in his head told him, "she's the one." He said, "she's the one what?!?!" "The voice said, "she's the one" but he just let it go. After the service he went to leave, he looked up and there I was coming towards him. Out of the 1,000's of people there, what were the odds of me coming towards him? He knew he was suppose to talk to me and that's why he didn't step out of the way.

We did eventually meet for coffee, then later we met for lunch and then we were together as much as possible. We dated a year and then married. We joined our lives and the lives of my 4 kids and his son. After 7 1/2 years of being single, God married me to Larry on January 16, 2005.

It has NOT been all peaches and rainbows...but we are where God has us. We are learning and we are changing. Old dogs can be taught new tricks! We can learn to live Gods way and not our way.

God now has me at home raising our kids, caring for our house, and taking care of business. We have lost two kids to adulthood (while gaining their spouses and grandkids) and added 3 kids to our well blended family, three foster kids. We are in the process of adopting one of them. God had his plan in motion and we have been willing pawns. "Move us Lord where you choose. Keep us in the game until there is a check mate!" If in 1998 if someone had told me where I would be today....I wouldn't have believed them. It's a God story!
Our blended family and our two best friends!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Yep...

Yep...I'm having a hard time blogging these days. Between going crazy with appointments, reading for state required training, caring for the kids and house I just can't seem to find the time to write. Actually it's more that I can't seem to keep a thought and put it in writing. Scattered thoughts all the time. I even have a hard time reading. My mind flits from one thought to the other. The house is always a mess it seems so it beckons to me constantly.

The weather is getting nicer and I have not worked outside on the other nice days we had until yesterday. I finally worked outside for a couple of hours on Monday. It felt so good. Aside for interruptions, kids asking for snacks or playing with friends and whatever, I was alone outside. Just me and my little messy sanctuary. The birds, the breeze, the train. I enjoyed it. I needed it. It is far from how I would like it to look but it is ours and I enjoy being out there. I miss having a farm. I miss the sounds of cows, chickens, horses, and peacocks. Yes...I had peacocks on my farm. I miss the sounds of pheasants. I loved this time of year. Flowers blooming, baby animals being born, eggs being laid. Farms are exciting in the spring. A drastic contrast to the work that goes into them in the winter. So, yesterday I enjoyed my little spot on this earth. My little back yard. Cleaning off the winter yuck. Praying to God the snacks had not decided to come to visit quite yet. When I got up this morning I had to look out back just to see what it looked like and it looked so much better. A small feeling of accomplishment. But back inside today...computer work and housekeeping.

I miss reading blogs, I miss being able to share whats on my mind or heart by writing on my blog. But I am thankful for my home. Thankful for my family. Thankful that I have ALL I need.
Yep....God is good!

A current picture of my newest Grandson. What a sweetie. So far his eyes are still blue...though both parents have brown eyes. No sign of changing either. That's an exciting treat.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Easter Saturday and Resurrection Sunday


I am participating in a Blog Hop with 'Where Laughter Lives.' We are sharing pictures from Easter. We had a great Holiday. My adult kiddos, my two grandsons (though the 3 mth stayed asleep in his stroller the whole time...what a good boy)and all my at home kiddos had a great time on the Easter Egg Vacuuming. It's not really a 'hunt' it's always more like a giant kid vacuum. Then Resurrection Sunday each kid woke to a basket partially full of yummy stuff. We had one sick one during the night Saturday night so I stayed home from church with her. Poor baby. So sad she couldn't go to church to wear her new dress. Then hubby came home and watched sick girl while I went to a nursing home with a few of my church family to have church service with the residents. I then went on to my parents house where I met my other kiddos and we had a nice easter dinner. The weather over the weekend was pretty nasty...but nothing too unusual for the Pacific Northwest. Being with my family, my beautiful kids and grandkids is always an honor and blessing.








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