Friday, April 23, 2010

Black, White, Tan

In 1998 I was pregnant with my youngest (my 4th) and I became a single Mom. It was one of the toughest years of my life. I had no idea how I was going to survive. I was left with a car payment, a mortgage, a credit card bill, a job making $8.50 an hour, 3 kids with one on the way. It was pretty dismal. But God showed up, in a matter of speaking. He was always there but he was put on the back burner so I could 'run' my life. So when I hit bottom, what did I do? I looked up. I asked Him for help. At first I just survived. I would rely on him and then fall back into old habits of relying on myself. But he never let me fall far. I had a healthy beautiful daughter join our family. A daughter who's name means beloved, and that she was! She filled a hurting heart. I then transferred into a different position with a great increase in pay, found a wonderful daycare provider (who is now a dear friend), paid off the credit card with a hefty tax return, met some new friends and grew a deeper relationship with my niece who would hang out or let me hang out with her and all my kids. It was a dark time that lightened in no time at all.

Over the course of 7 1/2 years I, with God's mercy, became a stable God loving person. I had known him since I was 8, gave him my heart. In 1988 I gave him my soul but never fully gave him my life. In 2003 I had given him my life. My 4 kids and I were happy and I was making a living for us. BUT...this heart of a woman felt something missing. That deep seeded feeling of not feeling complete. I would lay out my desires to God. The Desire to share this life with a God loving spouse yet always completing that request with "thy will be done." I wanted what God wanted for my life. I would also qualify it by saying "But if you choose to give me a life partner, this is how I would ask I meet him...just so that I would know he is from you." lol...I know, sound quirky but it was my heart. I had made so many bad mistakes I wasn't going to risk this strong will independent woman making another stupid heart related mistake!

In 2004, I was a member of a very large Portland Area church. I was participating in the music ministry. At this time I was part of the Christmas program, a vocalist in the choir. It was grueling. A lot of music to learn and hours and hours of practice. But it was glorious. I loved it. We had a Friday night service, 2 on Saturday and there would be 2 on Sunday. The first service of the morning went great and I was expecting my best friend Amy to be there. After the service I went looking for her. I was in a hurry for we had 1 more service to finish out the season. As I was coming to the end of the hallway and had given up finding her in the multitude of people I became aware there was someone in front of me and coming towards me, not moving out of the way. I then look up and there was the huge smile. A big man with a bald shiny head and a big smile. He struck up a conversation with me about the music. Before I knew it I was taking his email address (to send him some church info) and just before we parted he asked if he could meet me for coffee. It totally floored me. One I had never been 'asked out' before and second this was what I had asked of my Lord. That if he had planned a spouse for me, I would meet him at church! Well...to be honest I wasn't actually flattered, irritated is more the word. I was there focusing on the worship and here was this guy trying to set a date! But I was cordial. It took me almost 4 weeks before I emailed him. I didn't want to step out of Gods will. I wanted to be sure I wasn't opening a door that God didn't want open and would be difficult to close.

His side of the story is this, when Larry was watching the choir sing he was looking at each member to see who he recognized and that's when he saw me. He said he couldn't take his off of me. "You were glowing..." he said. Then a soft voice in his head told him, "she's the one." He said, "she's the one what?!?!" "The voice said, "she's the one" but he just let it go. After the service he went to leave, he looked up and there I was coming towards him. Out of the 1,000's of people there, what were the odds of me coming towards him? He knew he was suppose to talk to me and that's why he didn't step out of the way.

We did eventually meet for coffee, then later we met for lunch and then we were together as much as possible. We dated a year and then married. We joined our lives and the lives of my 4 kids and his son. After 7 1/2 years of being single, God married me to Larry on January 16, 2005.

It has NOT been all peaches and rainbows...but we are where God has us. We are learning and we are changing. Old dogs can be taught new tricks! We can learn to live Gods way and not our way.

God now has me at home raising our kids, caring for our house, and taking care of business. We have lost two kids to adulthood (while gaining their spouses and grandkids) and added 3 kids to our well blended family, three foster kids. We are in the process of adopting one of them. God had his plan in motion and we have been willing pawns. "Move us Lord where you choose. Keep us in the game until there is a check mate!" If in 1998 if someone had told me where I would be today....I wouldn't have believed them. It's a God story!
Our blended family and our two best friends!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Yep...

Yep...I'm having a hard time blogging these days. Between going crazy with appointments, reading for state required training, caring for the kids and house I just can't seem to find the time to write. Actually it's more that I can't seem to keep a thought and put it in writing. Scattered thoughts all the time. I even have a hard time reading. My mind flits from one thought to the other. The house is always a mess it seems so it beckons to me constantly.

The weather is getting nicer and I have not worked outside on the other nice days we had until yesterday. I finally worked outside for a couple of hours on Monday. It felt so good. Aside for interruptions, kids asking for snacks or playing with friends and whatever, I was alone outside. Just me and my little messy sanctuary. The birds, the breeze, the train. I enjoyed it. I needed it. It is far from how I would like it to look but it is ours and I enjoy being out there. I miss having a farm. I miss the sounds of cows, chickens, horses, and peacocks. Yes...I had peacocks on my farm. I miss the sounds of pheasants. I loved this time of year. Flowers blooming, baby animals being born, eggs being laid. Farms are exciting in the spring. A drastic contrast to the work that goes into them in the winter. So, yesterday I enjoyed my little spot on this earth. My little back yard. Cleaning off the winter yuck. Praying to God the snacks had not decided to come to visit quite yet. When I got up this morning I had to look out back just to see what it looked like and it looked so much better. A small feeling of accomplishment. But back inside today...computer work and housekeeping.

I miss reading blogs, I miss being able to share whats on my mind or heart by writing on my blog. But I am thankful for my home. Thankful for my family. Thankful that I have ALL I need.
Yep....God is good!

A current picture of my newest Grandson. What a sweetie. So far his eyes are still blue...though both parents have brown eyes. No sign of changing either. That's an exciting treat.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Easter Saturday and Resurrection Sunday


I am participating in a Blog Hop with 'Where Laughter Lives.' We are sharing pictures from Easter. We had a great Holiday. My adult kiddos, my two grandsons (though the 3 mth stayed asleep in his stroller the whole time...what a good boy)and all my at home kiddos had a great time on the Easter Egg Vacuuming. It's not really a 'hunt' it's always more like a giant kid vacuum. Then Resurrection Sunday each kid woke to a basket partially full of yummy stuff. We had one sick one during the night Saturday night so I stayed home from church with her. Poor baby. So sad she couldn't go to church to wear her new dress. Then hubby came home and watched sick girl while I went to a nursing home with a few of my church family to have church service with the residents. I then went on to my parents house where I met my other kiddos and we had a nice easter dinner. The weather over the weekend was pretty nasty...but nothing too unusual for the Pacific Northwest. Being with my family, my beautiful kids and grandkids is always an honor and blessing.








MckLinky Blog Hop

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Resurrection Sunday

I am one of many to proclaim on Resurrection Sunday 'He is Risen' or 'Christ the Lord is Risen Today' in order to share the truth of my King, my savior. He does not die every year for Easter, He does not lay in the grave. No....I know the truth....Jesus Died once, was buried for three days once, and then rose from the dead ONCE. He took MY sins upon HIM ONCE! I accepted HIM into my heart once....NOW I praise His name daily over and over. I serve others because of Him over and over. I will share about him every opportunity I get. I will share the love of Jesus to all I meet. I will use Resurrection Sunday aka 'Easter' as another way to proclaim HIS truth in every venue possible...because hearts are open. I believe every day of the year...not just on Easter. I believe in the one God sent. I believe The Creator is also our Savior.
Thank you Jesus for loving me/us to give your all. Thank you for saving. Thank you for conquering. Thank you for living. Thank you for loving us still today. Jesus you are Lord. Lord of the Heavens and the Earth. You are Lord of my heart and I THANK YOU!
I believe this every day! I believe! I will sing praises to you on Easter. I will sing praises to you EVERYDAY....because..."I Love You Lord!"

Thursday, April 1, 2010

New Homeschooling

Starting this week we are schooling with a 'Virtual' school. We signed up last fall for a school called 'Clackamas Web Academy,' but the school was full. They had a few openings and asked if I was still interested. YES! I thought it would start this coming fall but no, they started this week. It is totally free, it is based local, they have teachers, and they give each student a lap top. They have labs they can attend and they also have field trips and celebrations together.
My girls love the program so far and they are excited about the get togethers with the other kids. I am excited I won't be knocking myself out to work up lessons, correct work, and walk around feeling like a failure because I didn't work up a lesson or I didn't correct their work. I also don't have to spend 100's of dollars on curriculum (what a rip off...personal note).
It is not Christian based and I know there are those who would have issue with that....and that's ok. I have issue with Christian based companies ripping off Christians with their curriculum. Ok...so anyways. At least they are still at home with me. I can filter what they learn by explaining our side or point of view. They are still home for me to have daily devotionals and bible studies with them. They are still home for me to love them and build them up. I know my God opened the door to this...just at the perfect time. I am very thankful. Now I am praying they are up to the level they need to be....just my insecurity shining through again. I want them to learn all they can and enjoy doing so. I want all my kids to see learning is a joy and not a drudgery. I am not raising my girls to be future wives...I am raising them to be strong, intelligent, secure women of God. That will make them a great wife...if that is what God has planned in their future. Whether they are a Vet, a Doctor, teacher, nurse, cashier, missionary, or mother, they will be loving, gentle, kind, serving, and faithful followers of the Most High God.