Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Catching up....

Life has been feeling a little 'full' lately so I haven't blogged for a while. Fathers Day has come and gone. I wanted to mention on here what great Dad I have. He has had his challenges and we sometimes have challenges with him but he truly is a GREAT Dad. He never left us. He never sexually abused us. He always provided for us. There were many rough times but he got us through (with the help of a wonderful wife). He picked up a few belongings and drove our family to Oregon. He left behind him Mom and all his siblings to come to a state where he only knew his brother in-law and sister in-law. It appears to have been a wonderful decision. Gave us kids more opportunity. He did a full turn around a couple of years ago when he had a health scare and it was wonderful to see the change. He started going to church. He started being loving and kind to my mom and though some of the ol' Ed comes through he is still a better person. God saw to that. He has fallen in love with my two youngest daughters. Loving them and treating them like I have never seen him love or treat anyone. Many times I have stood aside and said "who's that? What the heck? Who took my dad and left this one in his place." truly remarkable...truly a God thing. My dad suffered the loss of his dad at a young age, married my mom when it was the 'right thing to do,' coached little league, played baseball, helped to build a church, worked to care for us, gardened with a passion, helped with repairs to houses and cars, worked many years in garment factories and in lumber mills, survived the loss of a son, outlived all his siblings, just recently had a hip replaced and yet takes walks everyday. He gathers his neighbors newspapers to recycle at the church (to help the church earn money), he takes their recycle and garbage tubs up for them, and plays with and loves on this precious (precocious) foster baby of ours. He hasn't always been the most loving or kind person but he has given us life. He is my Dad and I am thankful to God for him!
Today is my Sister Angie's birthday. She is 55. She is the oldest girl in my family and the one who helped my mom to raise me. She was at the age of being able to love on me, play with me, and appreciate me when I came into this world. She was 11yrs old when I was born. She has always been so dear to me. She is one of the most wonderful people in this world. She loves and cares for people without judgment or condemnation. Ok...well she may say a few comments behind your back but usually only to be funny. Speaking of funny. She is the one in our family who makes everyone laugh. She is not slap stick funny...she is sarcastic or self condemning funny. Hard to explain... but she cracks her family up. She has always given 150% of herself to her family. We may differ on our religious beliefs but we love each other deeply. I am so thankful for her. She is a part of my heart. Happy Birthday dear sister. I LOVE YOU

My sister Angie, second from the left

Friday, June 19, 2009

"This is where I have you"

Some weeks...some days I feel so weary. Tired of cleaning the house, tired of fighting, crying kids, tired of dreaming up meals, tired of preparing school lessons and church lessons, tired of coordinating state appointments, tired of being a wife, tired of thinking. BUT then I stop and I talk to my God and I ask Him if this is what he would have me do...all these tasks, all these ministry's and in my heart I hear "this is where I have you." This is where my Father has me. He has me waking up several times a night to care for the foster baby. He has here to care for the recuperating husband, to feed the children, to clean up their messes and to LOVE them. He has given me the opportunity to prepare Home school lessons for kids whom I am blessed to be able to home school. He has given me opportunity to have ALL these kids. He has blessed me with so much and during those weeks or on those 'days' when I tire of it....I just have to take a moment and talk to the one who blesses and he reminds me "this is where I have you" and then my heart lightens and it refreshes me and gives me purpose. My purpose for being in this moment.
I am blessed to have a house to clean. I am blessed to have kids. I am blessed to have food to feed my kids. I am blessed to be able to home school. I am blessed to be able to be a stay at home mom and care for my bio kids and my foster kids. I am blessed to be able to worship my creator openly and freely. I am blessed to have a broken fallen man who I can pray for constantly and love him through his spiritual journey. I am blessed to be a child/woman of God. This is where my father has me and I am thankful! Ok, laundry....here I come!

Monday, June 15, 2009

P.S. to the 'A Sisters Birthday'

When I went to post about my sisters birthday I couldn't locate a current, clear picture of her. I located one today (On her daughters FB...lol). This is a picture I took at the coast a few years ago when we took our mom to the coast for Mothers Day. It was a trip of a lifetime for us. It was an amazing weekend we were blessed with safe travels, perfect weather, great food, an excellent room and tons of laughter!
In the picture above, from left to right, my sister Debbie, my sister Angie, my Mom, and my sister Jeannette...the birthday girl. I have also included an updated pictures of Jeannette with her two girls, then her daughter Sonia's family and her daughter Jennifers family. Beautiful!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

A sisters birthday

Today is my Sister Jeannette's birthday...Flag Day! We always joked that America celebrated Jet's birthday by hanging out their flags in her honor. She is my sister who is closest to me in age (me being the youngest of the brood). What I remember of her is her being quiet. She read a lot and she got A's and B's in school. She learned two foreign language classes, French and Spanish. She was always skinny (How I missed that gene isn't fair at all) and she was the one that had the most red in her hair. She is a good hearted person though we kid her about being the 'scary' one. She loves horror flicks and Sci Fi. She is a brilliant woman. The knowledge she has in her head is staggering (another gene that seemed to stop before me). She has the knowledge of God but I am not sure if she has a relationship with Jesus. She knows about him and she probably has more knowledge of the his history than I, but as for a relationship...that's between her and him. I pray she does.
She is dear to my heart. We have been close a couple of times in my adult life and life then separates us, but know she loves her family. She gave us two beautiful girls who have in turn given us two more darling girls and one precious little boy. Jeannette is a rare soul. I love her dearly and I am proud she is my sister!
Happy Birthday Jeannette!
In the picture she is sitting in her 'Granny' chair. She wanted it big enough to sit together with her grandkids.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Why worry

It has been quite a couple of weeks. The husband ended up having surgery on his knee just this past Wednesday. It has made for a very long week. Today has been better so far for which I am so thankful.
As of Tuesday night I now have a High School Freshman again. He is so very excited. We were very proud of him at his graduation. He received two awards, one choir award and one athletic award. The awesome part of the choir award is he gets 10 weeks of voice lessons. That is great. I always wanted voice lessons so I am very happy for him.
Our Foster Girl MK had a great award ceremony last week also. She received 5 different awards. Attendance, Personal Success for reading, Most Improved, 'Perseverance,' and another reading award. How fantastic is that. This for a little lady who missed over 50% of school last year and came into her 2nd grade class reading at a Kindergarten level. She is now up to a 2nd grade level. She has worked so hard and has been so proud of herself. What a transformation. God Bless Her.
As for my home schoolers we will continue schooling since we have had many interruptions and probably will throughout summer break. The girls didn't complain because they understood. It will be a little more challenging since we will have MK home and the neighborhood kids home coming over and calling for my girls to come out to play but we will work it out. If we continue to get our studies done in the mornings then we can hopefully get them done before the phone calls start.
The foster kids are back to getting visits. BG will start in a week with one visit a week at first and maybe move into two visits depending on availability of an SSA. The other two....well it's up in the air. It depends on the bio mom calling in and then showing up. I pray she does. At the visit they had with her this week she gave them some pics of themselves with her when they small. They were so excited and happy to show us. They are such dolls and their mom is just beautiful. I so pray for her mind and her heart. As for BG...not sure what is ahead in the next few weeks. I am sure it won't be in my favor but this isn't about me, though I am 200% involved.

God is caring for us I know and yet my mind gets in the way and starts to feel down and overwhelmed. With the hubby off work (for 6 more weeks) my mind does not know how we will pay our bills but my heart knows God already had a plan in place. I am just hopeful part of that plan doesn't involve losing my home but then again, HIS will be done. For He is perfect and thus His plans are perfect!
Matthew 6:25
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body what you will wear. Isn't life more important than food and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Dealing with Anger

I was preparing for bed and just felt overwhelmed with emotions. I have a sick daughter today. VERY sick and so my mind has ran wild with thoughts of serious diseases and such. It's crazy. I have never been an over reactive Mom but lately with all the deadly stuff that goes around it can be scary. It's also been a week and a half of stress with the state. Though we did only have 1 parental visit last week, this weeks was cancelled one hour before they picked up LB. ONE hour. It was a break down in communication. I was so frustrated because 1, Bio Mom can not keep her mind off herself and keep her focus on these kids. So, she is not longer in a stable environment for visits. Grrrrr!!! The same day I find out that the foster baby has to go and visit her bio mom in jail. That one angers me to no end. It is not about the baby, it's not even about the mom really. It's about the attorney's making people jump through legal hoops because???....because they can! It's all about making appearances. This one visit for this one month is not going to make any difference in that childs life. If anything it will stress her being with someone she does not know, taken somewhere she doesn't know and then passed off to a weeping overly emotional woman she does not know. Where is the childs rights? Where does the 'best interest of the child' come in?!?! It isn't about the child in this situation or in many situations. So where do I place this anger? At the feet of my savior. Place it there and leave it. There is nothing I can do about the situation. I can only pray. I pray for the kids. This mess of a life causes them stress and sorrow. I am thankful they are here. I am thankful we are able to be in a situation where we can love them. We are not perfect, by far, but we do have a safe and stable home and we do love them.
So I will go to bed and pray God would heal my heart and my mind in my sleep and help me to NOT pick up the anger and carry it back to my realm again.
Pray for ALL the hurting kids in the world.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Heat in May?

I have a difficult time blogging or even being on the PC when it's hot and in the opinion of this 'raised' western Oregonian it has been hot!!!
Today was much cooler and so here I am sitting at the computer. The husband is still bummed but on the mend. He will go back to work just in time for school to be out. So much for catching up the homeschool kids.
We received news the other day our foster baby's mom will not be having visits for a while. Sad for the mama but happy for me to have a break from all the visits. The other two kids are down to one visit a week. So, I was looking forward to some extra home school time and focusing on the those students when last Monday hit and the husband was home. That threw a wrench into everything and when he goes back to work the two public school kids will be out of school. Yes, I am feeling irritated and sorry for myself. Just seems ya can't catch a break. Just some self centering's leaking in.
So now that, that is out there i will try to accept it and move on. The good news we received is the state asked if we would consider being a permanent resource for BG. Of course!!! So, a long road ahead. Lot's of unknowns, but that is what life is all about. The unknown future, but moving forward in faith. So, our family unit may change this year. Time will tell.
Something that will change beginning this summer is ministries. God has once again opened the door to a women's ministry in our church. Last year I lead a bible study on 'women of the bible.' This year he pressed upon my heart to have a 'reconnection' time. A time where we women come together, for prayer, praise, fellowship, scripture, and dessert! Good times. The other ministry is pretty common but yet something different for our church body. I will have to share details of that later. But I do know this. The enemy has hit hard. Whispering in my ear how I am not qualified to organize or lead this ministry. Whispers of "you will fail...you are a failure!" And though I know the voice some days it's hard not to listen. I am nervous. There is a lot to do plan and do. Keeping the balance of family first, outside ministry second....a little scary. We will see how it plays out. I just know this, it is of the Lord...no question there.
God lays the plans, opens the doors, and already wrote the ending!