Thursday, July 30, 2009

Staying focused

I attended a State meeting yesterday in regards to our youngest foster daughter and let me tell you, I was exhausted from it. It is a huge emotional roller coaster. Through the first part of the meeting my hands were shaking so bad. When I get upset and want to talk about what is on my mind and know I can not....I shake. Holding all those emotions in makes me shake.

What was so emotionally upsetting?....Well as you can probably guess (and I am sorry) I am not able to share any details. It's confidential (blah)! But I can hedge around it. The bio is attempting to get back on track again after being derailed for a bit. One thing she has done is gained employment. It's the type of employment she has gained that blind sided me and I believe, if I am reading her face correctly, blind sided the caseworker also. Then to add salt to the wound two of the paternal (yes the bio dads) family was there and totally supported bio mom in her employment as did bios attorney. For anyone who knows me at all, knows I am not one to hold my tongue. I have gained much self control over the years of walking with the Lord but I still voice my opinions if I feel they are based on obvious truths. BUT ....at this meeting I kept my lips closed. How I wish I could share the details so you could see the insanity the state works with as well as the foster parents. I would also like you to see what extreme we have swung to in order to give some 'special rights.' There were several other statements made during this meeting that assaulted my heart.....because in this heart lives a baby who is an innocent pawn in this world. I want to do nothing but protect her and yet all of it is out of my hands.
I can however stay focused on the creator. The one who made this little girl. The one who knew her before the beginning of time. The one who died on the cross for her. So every day I will pray for her and every day I will stay focused on my heavenly father. Because this entire situation is out of my hands.
This is the scripture I speak on her and this situation.
Romans 8:28
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Wedding Dresses

There is a blog I read occasionally called Kelly's Korner. On Fridays she has different entry's from guest bloggers. Such as people sharing different rooms in their homes. I have enjoyed viewing but never felt compelled to participate. Even now I am starting to chicken out but I am going to try and make myself. Why you might ask...it's for those who are not 20 something and getting married, for those who are getting REmarried, those who are older when they get married, and for those who are full figured and wearing a wedding dress and lastly for those who don't have $1,000's to spend on a 'day.' I was a single mother of 4 for 7 1/2 years when I married my Huz. We married January 15...um no that would be 16th 2005. That is a story...for another day.

When my husband and I decided to marry he wanted a wedding. I did not. I just wanted a ceremony. He wanted to have the caboodle. I wanted it nice and quiet. I agreed to a church wedding as a way of testimony but I was very uncomfortable standing before my family and friends and exchanging vows....again. I had never had a real wedding. I wore my prom dress to the justice of the peace for my first wedding. However being a mother of 4 kids, I was not sold on wearing a wedding dress, especially not a white dress. I had my mind set for a simple formal. Little did I know God had different plans.

A few months prior to our wedding we started attending a bible study with a couple I had only met once or twice at church. As we talked about our plans to marry the hostess asked me what I would be wearing. When I told her, she said 'No,' that I needed to wear a wedding dress. She took me by the hand and led me upstairs where she pulled out her wedding dress from 2 years prior. She made me try it on and it fit perfect. What were the chances?!?! So I took that as a sign that I was indeed to wear a wedding dress and a white one at that. I could go on and about the details of planning the wedding because it was truly God designed, but I won't at this time.

So, on my wedding day I was 41 years old, I had 4 children and I married the man God brought into my life. The wedding day is a story all it in it's own...it has something to do with freezing rain, and a city being shut down....but that too is for another day.

So here is a picture of my borrowed dress. I am also adding a pic of my parents wedding and my oldest sons wedding.
My mom is also wearing a borrowed dress. That was almost 60 years ago. They are still married today. Enjoy the photos. I LOVE my daughter inlaw and my kids looked spectacular on their wedding day.







Monday, July 20, 2009

Birthday Party













We had BG's birthday party on Saturday the 18th. She had a GREAT time though she was nap deprived. She loved the hub-bub of it all. She LOVED the birthday song. Here is the precious one.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Happy 1st Birthday

Our precious baby BG turned one today. She had a rough start but she is great now. She is full of life. She is strong willed, stubborn, independent, and precious. I am so thankful to God for choosing us to love and care for her.
Last year when we were finally certified to foster, we had two children placed. 2 months later I suddenly felt the urge to rearrange my daughters room to fit a small crib (with the blessing of my daughter of course). The next day our certifier was due to arrive and conduct a final inspection. I showed her the crib and told her I would be willing to take a baby. She said great but to be prepared because they hadn't received many babies in the last few months. I said that's fine, just as long as you know the offer is there. Not more than 2 hours after her visit she called and said "Malissa, you won't believe this but we have a baby needing placement." wow...my head just swirled. "She said she is 2 mths old and is in the office right now." God once again showed me his power. He knew this baby, he knew when this baby was going to need a new home and he placed it on my heart to prepare for her. Little did I know what a perfect fit this child would be for our family. We went to the office and picked her up and what a doll. I will post the only pic I have of her I took with my phone the day we picked her up. It makes my heart to think of what a hard day that must have been for her.
Once she arrived it was one of the most difficult times in my life. Waking at night several times, her having melt downs in the evenings. Her first few months with us is somewhat of a blurr because of lack of sleep. BUT...it was so worth it. She is a beautiful and precious doll. My entire family has fallen in love with her. She looks similar to my oldest daughter when she was a baby and her personality is just like my middle daughter. We know she is not ours and we also know she may not always be with us but we still know we could not or would not stop that love from growing inside our hearts for her. She is a gift. We do desire to spend the rest of our lives with her but more than that we pray God's will be done in her life. He has plans for her and he will orchestrate those plans. I pray for her mom as well. I do have sympathy for her. My heart hurts for what she has been through and I pray that someday she will be well but for now, my heart desires for this baby girl to stay where she is safe, loved, provided for, and adored. She has brought a beautiful spark into our lives.

Today is her first birthday but we will be celebrating her birthday tomorrow, but I wanted to post a pic of her today.

Pray for her and her family. Pray for Gods direction and Gods healing. May God bless her and keep and make his face to shine upon her and give her peace.....all the days of her beautiful life!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

1 year anniversary

I meant to get this posted yesterday but ran out of time. Yesterday marks the one year anniversary of two of our foster kiddos. We sure have come a long way in that time frame. They are great kids and have been great kids from the start but they were sad, nervous, not sure about anything when they came. We were their second placement due to a BAD placement the first time so that made their anxiety even higher. But they have blended into our family. They have so many that love them. The oldest, MK, has even began to show me affection. I was pretty much last on her list to that. I understand though, she didn't want to appear to be a traitor to her Mom. They love their parents and their parents love them. Now that they have a stable home to be and they have regular visits there is a peace that has just settled within them. I am so happy for them. I am so thankful God chose us for them to come and live with. It doesn't seem it has been a year...we all have learned so much. Continue to pray for them. They still have some hoops to go through. Right now we just take each day as it comes. I love them so much and I am so thankful for them!
LB and MK now

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Mt. St. Helens

One of the attractions in the Pacific Northwest created worldwide news almost 30 years ago. Mt. St. Helens erupted. It was a major event in our area for weeks and weeks prior to May 18th 1980. When it exploded 57 people were killed, 250 homes, 47 bridges, 15 miles of railway, and 185 miles of highway were destroyed. The side of the mountain exploded out at speeds over 300 miles an hour. Blowing debris and hot gases towards everything in it's path. A column of ash (looking similar to an atomic bomb blast) shot out of the mountain and then drifted East. Darkened the sky and ash covered Washington, parts of Oregon and then slowly made it's way around the world. Though the devastation happened within minutes, the entire eruption lasted 9hours.
At the time of the eruption I lived in Milwaukie Oregon and and attended Milwaukie Middle School. I remember the ash. I remember scooping some off our deck and keeping it. I remember helping my sister to wash it off her driveway. I remember being consumed with the event, so much so I bought a book and even (lol) a '45' of corny song written about the old man who wouldn't leave his home by Spirit Lake, Harry Truman. All these years (I lived in other areas for a while) and I have never been up to the the ol'girl....until this last Tuesday. We packed up the family and headed up there. The kids were thrilled and so was I. This mountain, being a part of my history and I was finally going to see her....AND it was amazing. I can not even explain the feeling you have when you are there. There is a sullen sense that fills you. Not the feeling when you see beautiful landscape or an ocean scene and you stand in awe of the beauty....it's an awe with a touch of sadness. It is beautiful and it is sad. It is always a great reminder of the part we play on this earth. We are so very tiny, so very powerless
when it comes to Gods creation. We humans think we have everything in the bag. Knowledge, insight, control, power...when actually we have none of those things.....apart from GOD!!! We really are but a tiny grain of sand....but Thanks be to God that HE loves us. He created all this for us.
So we enjoyed the views, talked about the past, watched a 20 minute movie about the explosion, and heard a ranger give a talk about it's current state. The kids enjoyed that part and had a lot of questions for her. We ended our day at Johnston Ridge Observatory, named after Volcanologist David Johnston who radioed these words the day of the eruption "Vancouver, Vancouver, This is it." His body was never found.


So, here are few pictures of our day. There was quite a cloud cover so we didn't get the full view of the Mountain...but it was still an amazing scene and it's always a good day when it's spent with family.




Monday, July 6, 2009

Ahhhh I LOVE America


















The 4th of July was great. Thanks to Walmart all my family had matching shirts ($3 bucks a piece...what a deal). We had family and friends! We barbecued chicken, hotdogs (Costco hotdogs at that mmmm!), and hamburgers. We had 3 different size pools set up (it was a HOT day) and fun was had by all. Here are some random pics from our day. Happy Birthday America. I pray God's blessings on this Nation. I pray that God's chosen will be faithful to Him and tell others to turn towards him so that we would continue to be blessed.

God Bless America

Friday, July 3, 2009



"She's my yankee doodle sweetheart, she's my yankee doodle girl. A_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ came to town a ridin on a pony, she is my yankee doodle girl!!!" She wasn't born on the fourth of July, but just a few hours shy of it....BUT she is my firecracker...that's for sure. I adore my middle girl. She has such a good heart. She is loving and kind. She is imaginative, helpful, creative, talented, funny, and beautiful. The meaning of her 'real' name (she goes by a nickname) means 'Like Spring' and she is. She is new and fresh and bright and beautiful. I am so thankful for her. So today she became an official tween. Though she is young, she is much taller than me. She is also taller than her older sister. I took her, her sister, and her best friend to the Mall at Jantzen Beach yesterday for a birthday surprise. The surprise was actually a Manicure and Pedicure. She was soooo excited and enjoyed every minute. She was just glowing. She was able to shop a little and her, and her friend rode the beautiful 1904 Carousel inside the mall. We then went to lunch. Later after arriving home, we had a special cake delivered. My girl is into the 'beach' stuff and her favorite creature is a sea turtle. The cake turned out so cute. It was made by the sister of her best friend. Nice to have talented friends.
The day she was born was a looooooooong grueling day. My water broke at noon on the 2nd, was in the hospital all afternoon, all night, and didn't have until 7ish p.m. on the 3rd...by 'c' section. The pitocin was killing me so I was ready to make the madness stop. She was by far the most challenging pregnancy and difficult labor. She was born with long silvery blonde hair. Weighing in at 7lbs 14ozs. What doll she was. The second night in the hospital we spent it alone, standing at the window watching the fireworks go off all around the neighborhoods. I didn't mind at all. I missed my other two kids and was sorry I couldn't be there for them to help celebrate the 4th but it was a special time with my newest babe. A dimly lit room, the beauty (and quiet) of admiring fireworks from afar and holding my precious new daughter. Having her all to myself. As she grows and matures and moved farther away from me emotionally, I will hang on to that memory of that tiny little being who was at one time....only mine and I was only hers! I love you S, you are precious and dear and special to me! Happy Birthday.