Thursday, July 30, 2009

Staying focused

I attended a State meeting yesterday in regards to our youngest foster daughter and let me tell you, I was exhausted from it. It is a huge emotional roller coaster. Through the first part of the meeting my hands were shaking so bad. When I get upset and want to talk about what is on my mind and know I can not....I shake. Holding all those emotions in makes me shake.

What was so emotionally upsetting?....Well as you can probably guess (and I am sorry) I am not able to share any details. It's confidential (blah)! But I can hedge around it. The bio is attempting to get back on track again after being derailed for a bit. One thing she has done is gained employment. It's the type of employment she has gained that blind sided me and I believe, if I am reading her face correctly, blind sided the caseworker also. Then to add salt to the wound two of the paternal (yes the bio dads) family was there and totally supported bio mom in her employment as did bios attorney. For anyone who knows me at all, knows I am not one to hold my tongue. I have gained much self control over the years of walking with the Lord but I still voice my opinions if I feel they are based on obvious truths. BUT ....at this meeting I kept my lips closed. How I wish I could share the details so you could see the insanity the state works with as well as the foster parents. I would also like you to see what extreme we have swung to in order to give some 'special rights.' There were several other statements made during this meeting that assaulted my heart.....because in this heart lives a baby who is an innocent pawn in this world. I want to do nothing but protect her and yet all of it is out of my hands.
I can however stay focused on the creator. The one who made this little girl. The one who knew her before the beginning of time. The one who died on the cross for her. So every day I will pray for her and every day I will stay focused on my heavenly father. Because this entire situation is out of my hands.
This is the scripture I speak on her and this situation.
Romans 8:28
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

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