Thursday, March 19, 2009

Whence Cometh my Help?

Just like that...you write a post about peace and strength and joy and wham.....you wake up the next morning and it doesn't take long to realize you want to crawl back into bed. Where is that peace? Where did it go? I need help!

First mistake was staying up too late with the hubby to watch a movie. Kids had no school today BUT I know we still have a baby in the house that doesn't stay asleep all night most nights and she also likes to get up before the birds. She didn't let us down. Up 4 times between the hours of 1 and 6 and then she was up starting her day.
> late for a conference
> spent and hour and 15 minutes at the doctor with a tired cranky baby just for an ear recheck
> Foster kids did not get picked up for their visit. They sat with L for an hour (while I was the doctors office) with their jackets on waiting.
> After 5 phone calls we figure out the kids won't be picked up until 1:15. Nice since L and I have an appointment at 1. Another 2 phone calls to arrange care and make sure everyone knows what is going on.
> My blood pressure is up...my stress level is topping, I have not had any time to eat yet, and we head out the door to go to and meet with someone who we care alot about but have to discuss some difficult topics. As we are loading up, L asks "want me to drive?" I say "na...that's ok, I don't mind." We start to back out and he starts talking about needing to rent a log splitter (again) and my mind goes crazy thinking about the money we would need for that and what we have spent and "Bam!" I hit something. I ran into my hubby's truck...the one parked behind me and only sticking out a 1/4 of the way onto our driveway. I knew it's there...it always is. I knew I needed to swing out around it, I do quite often, but because my brain was on overload...I forgot. I didn't even look. We get out to survey the damage and my poor old van (that is paid for and slowly falling apart) has a nice deep dent in the hatch and near the tail light. His bumper has a small dent and a face plate has come off. That topped me off. I got back in the van and cried as silently as possible. My hubby didn't freak....but I could tell he was bummed. We then dropped kiddos and went to our meeting......

So....how do you pull yourself out of a day like that? Where does help come from? I wanted to crawl into a ball and pull the blankets over my head...but as usual, life goes on. It doesn't stop and allow you to remove yourself from it, not when there are others counting on you. On the way to the meeting I am thinking "now i have to try and share my feelings, try to make sense, try to have a heart felt discussion without losing it?!?! Maybe we should reschedule. Maybe we should go eat instead. Maybe I could crawl into a ball in the back seat of my van and just let L go to the meeting." We head in together. After our 2 hour meeting I leave the meeting feeling excited, rejuvenated, relieved, and ..... well I just I feel better! God answers in funny ways. The spiritual battle is tough and when you are distracted it hits without you thinking about it. God turned it around. This is the verse that keeps coming to mind.....I will admit I don't understand all of the passage....but maybe not all of it's for me...maybe it's for YOU....but I do know parts of it speak to me.

Psalm 121
1I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
3He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
I read and study out of an NIV but sometimes.....the word sounds so beautiful in KJV. Help comes...Help comes from the Lord. He preserves our soul. MY HELP COMES FROM THE LORD.

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