So, I have a son...no a step son....well actually a nephew who I consider a son. In 1983, just a week or two after graduation I became an instant mom to 3. A young girl who never even had to clean her room, didn't really know how to cook, but here I was a Mom! The youngest was a beautiful blonde haired boy...9mths of age. The situation wasn't right, or was it righteous, but it was what it was. Sadly we can't change the past. It wasn't the easiest of times but they were beautiful times. The baby was beautiful and stole my heart. His name was/is Daniel. He was such a good baby. He was however pretty sickly. He had the worse sinus problems and I knew NOTHING, I did my best to care for him. He would wake up every night miserable. I would hold him until he could go back to sleep. I taught him to walk, to potty, to talk, to tie his shoes and so on. He was such a sweetheart. Always so good. As a young boy he really got into being a cowboy. He loved to wear his cowboy hat, help us on the farm and that boy was such a good worker. He would work hard and work for hours. He showed pigs at the county fair...one year taking best in show and best in showmanship. It was a good year. He made over $300 that year.
Then the ugly side of life happened. His parents made bad choices. His mom (being me), got too self centered and gave up on marriage. It was a dark time. When I went my way I took my 2 biological kids and wanted to take Daniel...but I wasn't allowed. I tried so hard but hurt and anger took a selfish stance and wouldn't allow it. So, now not only had Daniel lost his first mom..he lost his second one too. To make a long story short, Daniel took a nose dive and there was nothing I could do to help. My hands had been tied. My hands are still tied. This is the condensed version.
After many years of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and living life on the edge...Daniel the sweet cowboy, turned broken man, landed in prison. Oh how my heart broke. Many days and years I have cried over that boy, unable to do anything...but pray...and now the ugly consequence to those choices. State prison. I would lay in bed and cry and cry over him. Sad and scared of what would happen to him there. Sad over my choices that started this ugly snowball. So I have prayed and continue to cry.... but I hold hope. Hope for him and his future. I pray with all that I am that God has spoken so loudly to Daniels heart that his heart has changed, I beg God that Daniels broken heart is healed.
Why do I write about this today? Because today is Daniel's release date! He gets out early. Praise God. I am so thankful and yet nervous. I feel so desperate for him. I so hope this road is one that he will experience true freedom. Freedom from hurt, anger, and rejection. A road He has chosen or will choose to walk the Almighty God and it will be full of joy and peace and freedom.
I am not a part of his life still...that has not been allowed by his jealous and selfish bio's. But I have written him letters. I sent him pics and told him how much I love him. So I will be happy he is out. I will be hopeful for his future. I will continue to pray. I will continue to love him with all my heart. I will watch him from the sidelines and know that he was my first born....he was born of my heart!
Pray for him....Pray he gets the start he needs. Pray he gets a job. Pray he keeps housing. Pray his heart has heard or will hear God and pray his life will be lived for his savior. Pray for that little cowboy turned handsome renewed man. Pray for Daniel.
Pictures to come later
p.s. as I was writing the list post....I received a pix message...Daniel is out. Praise God