The last few writings I have posted have been kinda trivial...probably just because I wanted to just focus on simpler stuff, but it's not because there isn't heavy 'stuff' on my mind and heart.
Daily I 'work' at keeping my focus Godly. The waves just keep crashing in...pounding. Then there comes the rogue waves. They can be killers but fortunately I have my life vest on. Jesus keeps me afloat. Doesn't mean I don't get big ol' doses of salt water in my face but He keeps me from sinking.
What has been hard this week, and it's not the first time, is the weariness of treading . Oh how I want to be free....free falling! Just floating through the air knowing that I have 100% confidence in the one who gave His life for me. The one who suffered unbelievable torture and pain. The trials I suffer are NOTHING compared to what others suffer....NOTHING! My kids are not starving, my kids are not ill and dying. My kids drink clean, clear water. We are not living on the street or in a homeless shelter. We are not being woken at night with bombs exploding. We are free to worship our God openly....and yet I allow the trials I suffer to rock me to the core. I have faith, I speak faith, and yet in my inner most being I can not always REST in this faith.
BUT each day I hold onto the one who created me...that each day, each year the faith I have fills me fuller and reaches deeper and deeper inside of me. Someday I know I will attain that level of faith I desire....that day will be the day I then breath my last breath and then come into the presence of my savior. The 'race' will be finished.
Just this morning this is the Scripture the Lord brought me to:
James 1: "Consider it pure joy, my brother, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
The testing of faith is what develops perseverance. I want to be mature...in Jesus. I want to lack nothing. Full peace. Full freedom.
So as I wrap this up...what appeared to me as my shortcomings are actually my immaturity in my faith. That each time I find my self splashing around in a trial and feeling like I should be stronger..., it is then I am persevering through and gaining strength...I am gaining maturity. What I see is I am not expected to be perfect out of the gate, I am to take each trial and allow it to build me up "consider it pure joy." The joy is not the trial but the next rung we take in getting through that trial by our faith. Faith in the Father, Faith in the Savior, Faith in the Holy Spirit. The faith that we are saved by GRACE!
Ephesians 2:8 "For it is by Grace you have been saved, through faith and not from yourselves it is the GIFT of God, not by works so that no one can boast."
A gift...it is through the Grace of God we have been saved eternally. The faith we have in that...in HIM is what gets us through. Persevere through the trial with Joy because we know God has saved us...what more do we need aside from eternal life? Nothing!
NOW...... Now I need to meditate on this truth day and night....before during and after the 'trial.' Meditating on it until it reaches my core and replaces my insecurities. Reaches my fears.........until it fills me up and overflows!
"I've got the Joy Joy Joy down in my heart.......to stay"