I am happy for the 'dad.' Really I am. I know this is what he was wanting and was so disappointed it took so long to get in. So he is thrilled and quite proud....as well he should be. His family does not back him in his decision. So, I am happy for him....but right now...this is my blog, my heart, my venting.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
This stuff is rough.....
So I am sharing my heart here. I know God's truth and I have faith but right at this moment this is my mommy heart.....
My oldest daughter is 21, pregnant and not married. That was one hill to manage...and we did. The daddy now lives with said daughter. No I do not agree this is what is best, but it's their choice and I still love her. THEN said daddy who applied for the Navy months ago NOW has an entry date. October 7th. NOW...my heart struggles painfully. This Mommy's mind is whirling. I had dealt with the fact my baby girl would travel this world with this sailor...but when I considered that, I did not consider the fact my baby girl would indeed have her own baby when traveling. Now the thought of her leaving is breaking my heart. The thought of her figuring out this motherhood business on her own makes me sad. The fact she will be where there are no friends, only her boyfriend/fiancee/husband (whatever he will be) makes me want to cry. I know she will survive...I KNOW I should not worry....I KNOW kids grow up...but truth is...this sucks! This is not how her life should be. You know...those young mom dreams/fantasies you have for your kids. She should have met a man who was educated, established in a career and engaged, married, and started a family. Was that too much to ask? So I will keep the smile on my face for her. I will encourage her. I will LOVE her with all my heart and try not to cry too often in front of her. Then when and IF the day comes that she too ships out....I will retreat to my bedroom, cry til I can't cry anymore and then text her non stop for the next several years. oh how I wish my kids were little again. Life was so much easier when all you had to deal with was poopy diapers, snotty noses and the occasional vomit. I would take that back ANY day! This adult kid stuff is rough!
So, she will spend the last of pregnancy alone in her apartment (I will be with her all I can) and we will pray the 'dad' will be able to come home for the birth...but? I am thankful she will be near for that....she will be near for the first 1 or 2 months...and then...who knows...time will tell. The flip side...is if she is with him then she can be a stay at home mom, which is what she desires!
If I could live to be an old women who lives on a huge piece of property with all her children living in their own home on the same property....I would then die a happy happy woman!
So, now that has been shared....I will end in saying God will see us through and I can not add one hour to my life with worrying about all this. Plus You never know....God may have the government place a naval base in Portland Oregon afterall.....Nothing is impossible with God! This adult kid stuff......is......rough!!!