Whew...yep, I'm here

I wrote this before Thanksgiving, threw it into drafts because I was nervous to share my frailty...today I just reread it and decided to go ahead and post it....

Life in the Porter household is going...well...it's going...and it's going quickly. It seems the time flies faster than a greyhound on a race track. The days go oh so quickly and I don't seem to accomplish much. It's frustrating. I know some of it is my fault (going to keep it real). I am not always a good steward of my time. I spend too much time on the computer and on returning text messages. I work on curriculum for the kids group I direct at my church and I also spend time trying to figure out how to help my girls with their homeschool/virtual lessons. Three hours of their lessons and I am spent. It's not fun. It's not exciting and some days I have had to repent because of my anger directed towards my girls for not doing their part. Education sucks anymore. Finances suck. People suck and well pretty much...you would think my version of life sucks...BUT it doesn't. I have beautiful healthy kids and grandkids. God is good all the time, even when we are not. He is gracious and loving. Though I may not hold up well all the time...ok, most of them time....I do know I am blessed. I do know God has a purpose for me and I do what I can to fulfill that purpose.
We have had a few bouts of this and that. From stomach flu, to respiratory virus to allergic reaction to earrings. Otherwise, we have been pretty darn good. I have elected this year to get everyone a flu shot...well most everyone. I didn't get the baby one. They have to have two separate shots...and to be honest...I can't do that to her. My huz hasn't had one yet and doesn't appear to be wanting...he is now getting over a nasty respiratory illness. I like to think that 'my' flu shot kept me from getting it. I am hoping these darn shots will helps us to keep from getting so sick this year. The schools are full of so many bugs and the come flying home to us. Here's to flu shots...cheers!

Sometimes I feel pretty trapped in life...like a prisoner. It's not that I don't like my job.."wife, mother, superhero." It's the poor finances, it's the lack of energy, the lack of self control over food, and it's the lack of knowledge. All of that makes me feel like a prisoner. A prisoner to this flesh that I can't seem to conquer. I feel pretty pathetic the other day when I watched an Oprah episode I had recorded on my DVR. It has Ingrid Betancourt (look her up online...incredible women with an incredible experience) She has a new book out called, "Even Silence Has an End"

On the Oprah show she made statement...I tried to get it all down..it went like this..."A letter from Paul to the Romans, he was talking about a vision he had. He was suffering alot, and he hears Jesus say "my grace is sufficient for your needs." He doesn't need anything else to overcome his pain than the grace of Jesus. The more fragile he was the more stronger he was." That struck my heart. I know what passage she is referring to... I have read it and heard it many many times...but that night...it struck me. God spoke it into my heart. God knew where I would be at this point in my life. He knew what condition mentally, physically, spiritually I would be in. He also knew what part he wanted me to play in His kingdom on earth. It is through my weaknesses he shows his grace...he shows his mercy...he shows his power! His grace is all I need. I may want more. I want an easy fix for finances...after all it didn't take a lot of work or time to get them this messed up. His grace is sufficient daily. I want to be thinner and healthier. I want self control. I will continue to work on it...until my die most likely. So for now I remember...HIS grace is sufficient. As I let go and give myself over to him....I can and will be a witness unto Him. I may not have it all figured out... I may still be overweight, tired, broke before payday, and so on....in my weakness' God will use me. I'm not hiding my shortcomings in the name of Jesus..I am laying them at His feet. He knew what I was and what I was capable of before He chose me. So in spite of my frail flesh...He will bless others in spite of me. Praise God. He will bless whom HE chooses...HE will bless how HE chooses. I love my creator. Praise be to HIS name!!!


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