Porters Portals

The state called today...another baby needing placed. It is such a bag of mixed emotions for me. I don't know if everyone goes through this or it's just me or it's just because I am still relatively new at this compared to others. Since my first placements all stayed. BUT...how I feel is nervous as all get out. I also feel a little excited and I also feel very sad. Nervous because I have no idea what is coming. Will the baby be cranky?Will the baby be overwhelmed with what just happened. Will the baby be needy? Alot of questions. I feel a little excited because I just love babies and I especially love baby girls. Getting to get them all dressed up and pretty. Then there is the feeling of sadness...know that a broken person just created a broken family. Especially in this case...knowing that as I am typing, the state is on their way to remove the baby from custody. So very very sad. So, I can't be all just one emotion. I can't be all nervous. I can't be all excit...

The state came and took 'the baby' today to take her to her new, possibly temporary home. I am honest and will say I was a little sad when they called yesterday to tell me. I felt like she would stay...but I guess it was just wishful thinking. It is out of my hands and I don't know her future or what she truly needs. Only one does and that is the Almighty Living God. This is the door he opened for her so, I prayed her through it. All week I have prayed for her and her situation. I have prayed alone in silence, prayed alone out loud and even prayed at 'Worship' practice with some of my brothers and sisters. That tiny baby girl is covered!!! If anything evil tries to come against her, it will not break through the barrier of Gods mighty angels. His hand is over her. So thankful I have Him to put my trust in. So, she is gone...the crib is empty. Forgot one of her bottles sitting on my kitchen counter drying...that tugged my heart a little. I know this ministry isn...

We have a foster baby with us right now. She is almost 3 weeks old. Oh my goodness she is tiny and so precious. It is so bitter sweet. I know this is Gods ministry, I know we are in this to help keep children loved, blessed, and safe until they can return to their healthy parents...but oh how this will be a challenge for me. Letting her go. Better sooner than later...but already my kids are madly in love with her and each day I can feel my heart absorbing her more and more. A woman I really appreciate and she is founder of 'Project Hopeful' always says..."it's not about me" or "remember...it's not about you!" I totally agree...it isn't about me. It's about my God and it's about this baby who needed a safe haven until God allows her to go where ever she needs to go...but my heart ....is me. That part is me and that part of me can feel the sadness creeping in. It's the lack of faith, because I worry about where will she go...to whom is ...

Oh goodness...what a great time we had. My girl was so excited....and so was I! We met some friends at the church where the concert was being held. We met them at 5, ate some dinner and had great fellowship. At 6 we were able to enter the building. We stood in line to get our girls t-shirts. My friends 3 girls each got 'The Afters' t-shirts and my girl got a 'Casting Crowns' t-shirt. The concert started right at 7. We were in our seats and ready at 7. The first performer was Lindsay McCaul. She was amazing. We both LOVED her voice. We bought her CD. The next group was 'The Afters,' my girl fell in love with them! The next group was 'Sanctus Real.' THENNNN...Casting Crowns came out and sang the new song (and movie) Courageous! They were fantastic. During intermission Mark Hall invites youth leaders to attend a meeting...I knew this was coming so I grabbed my girls hand and led the way. All the while she is saying...where are we going, whats going on. I ...

I am thrilled to be taking my 8th grader, AR to see Casting Crowns tonight in concert. I just love that group. Love their music and their ministry. Good people! I won tickets a few weeks ago (which is amazing...I never win things) and I could only choose 1 other person to go with me. Well my AR girl likes Crowns music too so she gets to go as well...but I have been trying to win more tickets...not success yet. I still have one more try though Mark Hall himself. He gives away Meet and Greet Tickets the day of the concerts. If I was to win those, I would take my other 2 girls. I would love for them to experience great worship music. Hope to get some fun pictures and post them on here. What a refreshing thing to look forward to and it's great to see my girl so excited for something. Now I gotta figure out what to wear!!!!  lol

I just don't know why I can't seem to blog anymore. I think about it often and many times I sit down and have plans to and then I get to reading other blogs and before I know it...I'm out of time and am needed as a mommy or wife. I like to think it's because I have "so many kids," but I know there are some blogs I read and they have the double the kids I do and manage to stay current. Oh well...that's just the way it is.... Our summer FLEW by..................way too fast!!!! I was not ready to see it end. I am not ready for the short days, early sunsets. I like the sunshine. I am not a fan of the heat, but I do like the sunshine. However...the clouds are back and so is the rain. It was pouring rain out today when church let out. We were drenched before we reached our van. None of us had jackets because it was still pretty warm out....we will need to get in the habit again. Some changes for us...all the adoption paperwork has been submitted, now it...

Met with our certifier yesterday and was told we should be getting a call from the State office regarding the adoption of our 2 foster kiddos. Today, the State called. We were approved for some adoption assistance which is great news and we will be receiving the paperwork in the next day or two to fill out for the "vendor" attorney. So, I am thinking the adoption should be final within the next month. In this case, it still always feels bittersweet. The bio mom now attends church with us and it appears she cares for us and trusts us, so to be happy with finalizing the adoption feels .....odd. The bio mom wasn't too thrilled with us hyphenating our name with the kids' last name...but she didn't create too much fuss and said she understood our reasoning. What's seems funny (lack of a better term) about that, is their last name isn't her last name. She still carries her maiden name. She does state though she is thankful she gets visits at all. She will get a ...