Could I really be at a loss for words? No...not really. Just at a loss of time and energy to have organized thoughts that I can put down into words.
The week last week was oh so busy and not just usual busy. Some big stuff such a lawyer making a home visit, certifier coming to inspect our home, court hearing....and such. So I was pretty taxed this weekend. But today...today is a huge day. Today we go before a committee to see if they would agree we are a good placement for our foster baby. I know this is in God's hands. I know God already knows the outcome. I know God knows what is best for this precious baby girl and knowing ALL that I am still nervous. Things come to my mind such as...will they think we are too old. Will they think we are too unhealthy because we are overweight. Will they think we couldn't handle another child financially. What if God doesn't think we are the best for this little girl. All those thoughts just wretch my heart. She is a part of this family through and through. She is a part of my heart just like the other kids. The thought of not being a part of her life anymore seems to be more than I could stand. BUT again...I know God is in control so I must release it to Him...I must. I trust in Him and I have NO control or power over the situation.
So this afternoon, my husband and I meet with 3 committee members, the caseworker, the certifier, and I don't know who else. It will be nerve wracking being put on the spot with questions...so I ask God for wisdom and peace. Today will be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives..one way or another. I am praying God would grant us this gift. I pray his mercy on us but above all things, desires, or thoughts I pray GOD'S will be done!UPDATE:
We met at the office and was informed due to a "technical problem" the 3rd committee member was not there. That was the "technical problem." so we had to reschedule. Though disappointed...I trust that God had other plans for whatever reason. Maybe the first person who was scheduled to be on the committee wasn't the 'right' person...who knows, but God and He is all I care about! It's His baby...we are His children...and this is His plan. So we will meet on Friday morning....God Willing!