Friday, August 30, 2013

Mixed bag of emotions

Just as I entered the joy and comfort of summer...the state began calling. Two cases and three kids later we had 8 kids in our home. It quickly became rough. Almost overwhelming at times and that's not even the kids. It's everything involved in having kiddos placed. The priority is getting the kids, who are scared and overwhelmed settled in. Then the next step (before you can blink an eye) is the phone calls start. All the people who are wanting this and that from you and the kids. It felt pretty much non stop. Phones calls in and out. Appointments and parental visits. I had reached my limits...at least I felt I did. The kids were 5 (with delays and speech impediment),1 yr old needy baby, and also a 3 year old girl from another family. I won't go into details of all the requirements and requests, but it's taxing...especially when you already have a marriage and 5 kids, 3 dogs, cat and home you are managing. Not to mention other emotionally draining events happening with adult kids, family, and friends. I raised a white flag, humbled myself and had to call the state a month later and declare it was too much. I had to have the sibling set transferred. It was gut wrenching...something I will never forget. It was completely bitter sweet! The relief was great, but the baggage left behind of me feeling like I failed them was heavy. My family sighed a big sigh though. Three weeks later and it appears the "long term" placement we had will be transferred soon. That is bitter sweet as well. She was a huge challenge with emotional outbursts and a strong will, but about a week and half ago she took a turn for the better. Huge improvements. Now who knows how the transfer will affect her. Which brings me to a rant.... I understand how the state wants to find 'family' for kids that are removed from their homes...but it's too much. They are paying 'family' members to care for these kids. So called family that doesn't even know the child or has only seen them once or twice. Such as second cousins, Great aunts of the abuser and so on.....I could be wrong but I feel if kids in state care didn't come with assistance that some of these 'family' members wouldn't be so willing. I pray I am wrong...truly...I worry because my heart is deeply seeded with the little ones. I want them to be loved and cherished and cared for. I worry they will become a fixture within the home. Also this policy/law has made it to where kids are now experiencing more transfers within the system. Instead of being placed in a foster home and then staying there until they can be returned to their parent/s, they are then transferred to another home, causing more trauma. It's mess...and there is no easy answer. I feel for the parents who feel trapped within their lifestyle, I feel for the state workers who are torn between their hearts, their job, and the judges. Then I feel the deepest for the wounded little ones. They have no power, no choice, and suffer the greatest of the consequences. PRAY for them...pray for the innocent all over the world. School starts next week and I feel I need another month. I am not ready and neither are my kids. I dread with all my being...now isn't that an encouragement to my babies!!! sigh! I love my kids being home. I love my home being homework free. I love have the flexibility to be spontaneous. Summer break is soooo short! On a high note, we western Oregonians had a great summer. We actually had sunshine and heat, but not too much heat. It was fantastic! Hate for it to end. It was beautiful. Had alot I could have updated but my time is up....so sayeth my little ones. Three day weekend ahead...praying all families are blessed and safe. Gods peace on each of you

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