Porters Portals

YES...we have a date. The adoption of our precious BG will be on October 5 th downtown Portland. We are having an 'adoption ceremony.' I have no idea what to expect but don't even care. Just want to be there and see it made official. This judge has known BGs bio mom for several years. I am glad it will be her signing the official document. Please never think I am being cold and callous in regards to bio mom, because I am not. She is a constant thought in my mind. I feel sad for her. My heart has broken many times over her....but right now and in the next month it will be all about my baby girl. Because God has chosen us to raise this amazing child. God has placed her in our family and though I am sad about the bio's life choices or her history I am choosing to rejoice and celebrate the gift God has given us. This little girl is amazing and I know I have done nothing in my life to deserve something so amazing. I am thankful and grateful that for whatever reason or r...

We made it to Hawaii and I have returned...alone. I had never been to Hawaii so it was exciting to see it and get to see a few historical landmarks and some traditional Hawaiian spots, such as Waikiki...BUT just as I thought my heart was weighed down the entire time. It didn't help that my little guy had a bad rash on his bottom that made him very uncomfortable and cranky and that my daughters monthly friend returned the day after we arrived there. Then the day I was to leave she developed a bladder infection. Yeh...all that really helped me want to leave...not! I needed to stay to care for them. But I did my duty and I loaded my bags, made my way through security with tears streaming down my face and then got around the corner and had a cry fest. I wanted to sob...but I at least controlled that. I only cried a few tears as my plane left the island and I left my precious kids behind. It's been hard to shake the sadness...I hope it passes. I do...I want to be happy for them and...

So, I did finally find out what the 'call' was about and it wasn't that big of deal. Something a 'loving' family member accused me of years ago and decided to resurrect it when I started fostering. The state didn't take it too seriously but had to follow up on it. I explained everything and they were satisfied. I won't go into details, just know I am ok and even more important...the kiddos are ok. All is well. The 'dark one' tried to stop what God set into motion but it didn't work. God was victorious again...like duh! Of course He was! He IS the Alpha and the Omega...the creator, the savior, the everlasting Almighty God! I am glad though that little bump in the road is done...for now! The liers and the backstabbers REALLY need to move on and get a life!

My daughter K will be leaving for Hawaii tomorrow and will be taking my precious grandson also. I do have the blessing of going along with her, but oh how my heart is heavy and will even say that it is broken. I will miss her so much but my grieving is over my grandson. The thought of missing him grow and change is so hard. The thought of not kissing and snuggling him at least once twice a week is heart breaking. He will be a different little boy when I see him next. God willing that will be December...when he is one. Then I won't see him til next summer. It's just so much for my heart. I hope to enjoy our time there...but I already know that my heart will be so heavy.

Yesterday I got up early to 'spiff' the house up in preparation of a visitor...a visitor of legal sorts. The Legal Assistant to an attorney for one of my kiddos. So I am 'spiffing' the house and get over to my desk where I see I have a message on my phone. Weird...I didn't even know I had missed a call on Monday or Tuesday. So I listen and suddenly what, if any bliss I had while cleaning pretty much came crashing down. It was our state certifier (now I share this story as not a way to air dirty laundry but to allow you the opportunity to share in this experience and to learn along with me) and she said she had received a report she needs to discuss with me. Nothing extremely serious but needed to be addressed. There are probably some out there that would hit delete and let it go. Oh no, not me. I have a weakness (well several...but this is the one being addressed), I worry. She didn't give me any clue as to what the 'report' was so I can't even t...

So all along I have been blaming myself for the blogging slumber. Thinking I was in a funk...a foul mood. Nothing good to write about. Can't keep a thought and so on and so on.... Could this possibly be the reason I have trouble blogging?

I have contemplated for quite a while opening our home to more kids. Is it the Holy Spirit nudging? I kept telling myself we can't because we don't have a large enough van. I also knew we couldn't fit more bodies around the dining room table. Well...we found a table. It extends to 8' long. So...I continued to think...well we still don't have a van or money to buy one. Then one Sunday I thought (again...was it the HS) turn the family room into a bedroom. So no w I am wondering is God testing me? Because I have held onto that family room. It's actually a larger bedroom we turned into a family room. I like it so. It's where the t.v. is. It's where the toys are. It's where all the family pictures are hung. I really like that room. So, is God testing me? Is he waiting for me to step out in faith before he opens the door to blessings? I don't know really. I want to know this is from him. I have so far turned our entry area into a dining room, to accomm...