Porters Portals

It has been so long I couldn't even remember how to sign in....15 minutes later and now I'm almost too tired to write anything. But I will.... The last two years have been pretty rough and as the saying goes...if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. So there you have it. Several times I would log in to write something and it was always something negative and dark...so I would delete and log out. Not everything has been bad, but the bad is what drains the energy...no energy means no writing. The highlights from the past 2 years.... I am now 51 and not liking that number so much. Yes, it's just a number, but sadly my body matches the number. Hard to keep hopes and dreams alive when you feel you have truly crossed over the hill and are cascading down the very bumpy other side. I have gained some grandsons...I now have 5 beautiful and wonderful grandsons. Oh  how I adore them! They range from 8 to 1 years old. I lost my dad. He passed...

Well I pretty much blew it on blogging in 2014. I would sign in many times and then delete what I typed. Couldn't seem to form any coherent thoughts....then I struggle to see clearly. Yes I need glasses and I am putting it off. Don't judge! Ha! Then my PC crashed....I did get a laptop later but I don't seem to type as well on it. Much better now than before though. So here I am in all my typo glory...ready to ramble on.. In June a few days before the school year came to a close there was a shooting at our high school. It was an emotional and overwhelming day. School was just a few minutes short of starting when an announcement came over the PA system the school was in a lock down and students were told to go to the closest classroom. They didn't take it too seriously at first until messages started being received over cell phones and ipods. That morning I chose not to watch the news and then I got a text from my oldest girl..."mom, we are in a lock down." I a...

My birthday has come and gone and I am now in my last year of my 40's. Seems rather odd saying my age...49...it just doesn't seem right. It's not that I am so 'young at heart' but I did get kinda stuck in my 30's I guess. Though my mind and heart are still not caught up to my chronological age, my body has. Aches and pains and failing eyes. gads! I have managed to lose a few pounds since January 1st and keep doing some sort of work out. I have not been consistent but I am doing something most days. I reinjured my back in November and I am still struggling through that. It's pretty frustrating not being able to do what I normally do or as long as I normally would do something. I am still hopeful it will get better and it will go back to it's pre-existing condition. I know my extra weight has contributed to the problem. I have been able to walk farther on the treadmill without wanting to throw up due to the back pain and I can walk through the grocery st...

I have many times signed on to write a blog post and then there are too many interruptions or I feel I have nothing of value to write...so I end up signing off. It's been several months since I posted last. Our last three foster placements were all transferred, either to other foster homes or family. It was a huge challenge this time. The last wee one we had (or was allowed by us) to have the power to keep our home in a turmoil. She was only 3 years old (turned 4 while she was here) but she had a very challenging personality that did not mix with the majority of my household. She, for good reason, had a very negative spirit and could throw the biggest screaming tantrums I have ever experienced. If she didn't have such a negative effect on my family, I really believe she could have been loved through it. She did get returned to a parent and in this case I believe that was a good thing. So, we only had her 4 1/2 months and I hope we were able to plant some seeds of love and joy....

Just as I entered the joy and comfort of summer...the state began calling. Two cases and three kids later we had 8 kids in our home. It quickly became rough. Almost overwhelming at times and that's not even the kids. It's everything involved in having kiddos placed. The priority is getting the kids, who are scared and overwhelmed settled in. Then the next step (before you can blink an eye) is the phone calls start. All the people who are wanting this and that from you and the kids. It felt pretty much non stop. Phones calls in and out. Appointments and parental visits. I had reached my limits...at least I felt I did. The kids were 5 (with delays and speech impediment),1 yr old needy baby, and also a 3 year old girl from another family. I won't go into details of all the requirements and requests, but it's taxing...especially when you already have a marriage and 5 kids, 3 dogs, cat and home you are managing. Not to mention other emotionally draining events happening with...

The exchange student we had for the month of January was amazing. She fit our family perfectly. We were so nervous and yet again...God called us to it...and He worked it out perfectly. She was so sweet and gladly accepted our crazy house and our affection. Two days before she left we were in my car alone and I mentioned how she would be leaving soon and I couldn't believe it. She started to cry. Oh my goodness...that touched my heart. I figured she was ready to go home. The day she left, she sobbed and sobbed and didn't want to let us go! We all cried. Even my baby girl. She was so broken hearted to see Mayu (My-oo) leave. It was so difficult. We have stayed in touch. What a blessing. She calls me Mom. So I consider her my other daughter. God is amazing at the plans he makes and the blessings he has in store for us. Ones we would never imagine in our wildest dreams. I never imagined myself having a exchange student. I never imagined falling love with a young girl from Japan...

February is already on it's way out! I just can't seem to say it enough...time sure flies! I have tried reducing my activities in order to create more time for family and my home and yet there doesn't seem to be more time. God knows what He is doing. Times are hard and will get harder. If the days were long and seemingly never ending, our hearts could not endure. Watch the news for an hour and see the truth in that. The family is going great. Alot of illness this year...stomach flu and resporitory stuff. There is never a moment goes by that someone is blowing their nose, sniffing, coughing or clearing their throat. Quite an orchestra! But other than that all is well. I have lost 17lbs and gained back about 4. Fatigue has returned. I felt great for a while and then wham the energy was gone. So frustrating. Last week was not a very good diet week. I do so much better when I plan our meals in advance and have everything purchased. So easy and yet many times I just don'...

Like is but a breath, a vapor, a mist...the bible refers to and what truth once again. As I look over a few pages of my blog, starting at my last entry which was August of last year, I can't believe the time that has passed and the events that have unfolded and it is all in the blink of an eye. Some of that is good....most of it not so much, especially when it comes to my kiddos. Oh how I desire for them to stay little and young.  When they become adults (I know, because I have two) it seems that time slows and then you can catch a breath and enjoy the pace...then what happens? They give you grandchildren. It's back to the races as you watch your sweet grandchildren spring up before your eyes. But, what amazing beauty God has blessed us with. Life is full of sadness and heartache and tragedy....but the thread of beauty is always there. Sometimes blatant, sometimes subtle. blatant would be to hold a newborn and sit in awe of the miracle that you are beholding. Subtle would be to...

I just don't know how other mom's do it...how they manage to find time. I had hoped to write more during summer break...I even cancelled all appointments for the month of August...too the month off from Worship Team at church and yet...summer vacation ends this week. I am, again, profoundly sad. I am not ready for my kids to go off everyday to the places called 'school.' I like them home. I like for us to get up when we are ready and not because the alarm insists. I like that my kids have to be called in for dinner when the sun is just beginning to set and not because they didn't finish their homework or because it's dark before dinner. Yeh...snivel whine! I should be saying how happy and thankful I am that my children have a free education. That my daughters as well as my sons can get an education. I should be saying I am grateful my children are healthy. I should be looking forward to only one child at home during the day. I should be excited that I only have ...

God is Awesome...His love is amazing. His grace is bewildering! I love the Lord and gave Him my heart...and several years after that I gave him my life...and yet there are times when I take it back and do what I want...and then fail miserably. With that said...it always blows me away that MY GOD, MY SAVIOR will still bless me. I don't mean bless me in the midst of my sins...but will bless me in spite of my sins. This brings me to this post.....When I look at the face of this amazing, beautiful, precious little girl...I get blown away....HE chose me to raise this precious one. There are thousands upon thousands that God the Creator could have chosen to raise these kiddos in my home...but He chose me. He chose me to raise this little girl...HE chose ME! I do not take that for granted. I am so thankful and so grateful. This little one came to us when she was 2 months old....she became ours 1 1/2 years ago....yesterday...she turned 4 years old. FOUR!!! This little being makes me laug...

This is a quickie to say I am still here...still following the Lord...still loving my family...still doing the best I can on a daily basis. I am hoping to start getting some plans and schedules in place to help me get ahold of life a little better...knowing full well my Lord is still the one in the lead. I hope to blog a little more often...it amazes me how there are so many women (and men) out there who blog reliably and are also soooo busy...I don't know how they do it. Maybe having organized thoughts isn't as hard for them as it is for me...LoL Here are some pics....thanks for visiting  My beautiful Easter Girl  Our first camp trip of the year  My family had the opportunity to meet Jackson Galaxy (Host of 'My Cat From Hell' Animal Planet)  Two of my grandsons wrestling on a beach in HAWAII!!!  My handsome son and his beautiful family My daughter and son in law

We Western Oregonians are sure having bi-polar weather. We had two days of clear, sunny, and pleasantly warm. Then we had a wind storm. We then had 2 or 3 days of solid pouring rain and in the middle of the night...we had snow! Today is mild and sunny with a nip in the air. Last week I would stoke the woodstove up in the morning to get the chill out of the air, the sun would pop out soon after and begin to bake the roof. By 2 p.m. I let the fire burn out and I would open the windows. Crazy. I do, however, love the cool/cold days with all sunshine. I did alot of spring cleaning, with the help of my beautiful mother, during that week. The sunshine sure helped. The daffodils are blooming, the Daphne is budding, and other spring flowers are just popping their head out of the cold sun starved soil. I have seen pictures of the gorgeous "I love spring" forsythia. Love that stuff but don't own myself. Maybe again someday. It is such a celebratory bush. Having survived the cold d...

2012 already? Geesh...I didn't really have a grasp of 2011...but I can say with confidence I am glad to see it go. A year I really didn't want to hang onto anyways. In October I went to Hawaii and stayed with my adult daughter and 2 grandson for about a week. Then we all flew back to Portland. Dreaded that 5 1/2 hour airplane ride as much as a root canal, but it went great. I had alot of people praying us over the Pacific. We had an almost 2 year old who was in full 2 year old form and a 4 month old. I was afraid that half way home we may just get chucked from the plane due a screaming toddler...but we weren't and he only let loose a couple of times. Thank you Jesus...and that is sincere! After arriving home we got a call soon after, that the state would be transferring our newest foster baby to a relative...We were told originally that we would have her until January and there was no family "suitable" for her to be transferred to.  So, when the state called it ...

The state called today...another baby needing placed. It is such a bag of mixed emotions for me. I don't know if everyone goes through this or it's just me or it's just because I am still relatively new at this compared to others. Since my first placements all stayed. BUT...how I feel is nervous as all get out. I also feel a little excited and I also feel very sad. Nervous because I have no idea what is coming. Will the baby be cranky?Will the baby be overwhelmed with what just happened. Will the baby be needy? Alot of questions. I feel a little excited because I just love babies and I especially love baby girls. Getting to get them all dressed up and pretty. Then there is the feeling of sadness...know that a broken person just created a broken family. Especially in this case...knowing that as I am typing, the state is on their way to remove the baby from custody. So very very sad. So, I can't be all just one emotion. I can't be all nervous. I can't be all excit...

The state came and took 'the baby' today to take her to her new, possibly temporary home. I am honest and will say I was a little sad when they called yesterday to tell me. I felt like she would stay...but I guess it was just wishful thinking. It is out of my hands and I don't know her future or what she truly needs. Only one does and that is the Almighty Living God. This is the door he opened for her so, I prayed her through it. All week I have prayed for her and her situation. I have prayed alone in silence, prayed alone out loud and even prayed at 'Worship' practice with some of my brothers and sisters. That tiny baby girl is covered!!! If anything evil tries to come against her, it will not break through the barrier of Gods mighty angels. His hand is over her. So thankful I have Him to put my trust in. So, she is gone...the crib is empty. Forgot one of her bottles sitting on my kitchen counter drying...that tugged my heart a little. I know this ministry isn...

We have a foster baby with us right now. She is almost 3 weeks old. Oh my goodness she is tiny and so precious. It is so bitter sweet. I know this is Gods ministry, I know we are in this to help keep children loved, blessed, and safe until they can return to their healthy parents...but oh how this will be a challenge for me. Letting her go. Better sooner than later...but already my kids are madly in love with her and each day I can feel my heart absorbing her more and more. A woman I really appreciate and she is founder of 'Project Hopeful' always says..."it's not about me" or "remember...it's not about you!" I totally agree...it isn't about me. It's about my God and it's about this baby who needed a safe haven until God allows her to go where ever she needs to go...but my heart ....is me. That part is me and that part of me can feel the sadness creeping in. It's the lack of faith, because I worry about where will she go...to whom is ...

Oh goodness...what a great time we had. My girl was so excited....and so was I! We met some friends at the church where the concert was being held. We met them at 5, ate some dinner and had great fellowship. At 6 we were able to enter the building. We stood in line to get our girls t-shirts. My friends 3 girls each got 'The Afters' t-shirts and my girl got a 'Casting Crowns' t-shirt. The concert started right at 7. We were in our seats and ready at 7. The first performer was Lindsay McCaul. She was amazing. We both LOVED her voice. We bought her CD. The next group was 'The Afters,' my girl fell in love with them! The next group was 'Sanctus Real.' THENNNN...Casting Crowns came out and sang the new song (and movie) Courageous! They were fantastic. During intermission Mark Hall invites youth leaders to attend a meeting...I knew this was coming so I grabbed my girls hand and led the way. All the while she is saying...where are we going, whats going on. I ...

I am thrilled to be taking my 8th grader, AR to see Casting Crowns tonight in concert. I just love that group. Love their music and their ministry. Good people! I won tickets a few weeks ago (which is amazing...I never win things) and I could only choose 1 other person to go with me. Well my AR girl likes Crowns music too so she gets to go as well...but I have been trying to win more tickets...not success yet. I still have one more try though Mark Hall himself. He gives away Meet and Greet Tickets the day of the concerts. If I was to win those, I would take my other 2 girls. I would love for them to experience great worship music. Hope to get some fun pictures and post them on here. What a refreshing thing to look forward to and it's great to see my girl so excited for something. Now I gotta figure out what to wear!!!!  lol

I just don't know why I can't seem to blog anymore. I think about it often and many times I sit down and have plans to and then I get to reading other blogs and before I know it...I'm out of time and am needed as a mommy or wife. I like to think it's because I have "so many kids," but I know there are some blogs I read and they have the double the kids I do and manage to stay current. Oh well...that's just the way it is.... Our summer FLEW by..................way too fast!!!! I was not ready to see it end. I am not ready for the short days, early sunsets. I like the sunshine. I am not a fan of the heat, but I do like the sunshine. However...the clouds are back and so is the rain. It was pouring rain out today when church let out. We were drenched before we reached our van. None of us had jackets because it was still pretty warm out....we will need to get in the habit again. Some changes for us...all the adoption paperwork has been submitted, now it...

Met with our certifier yesterday and was told we should be getting a call from the State office regarding the adoption of our 2 foster kiddos. Today, the State called. We were approved for some adoption assistance which is great news and we will be receiving the paperwork in the next day or two to fill out for the "vendor" attorney. So, I am thinking the adoption should be final within the next month. In this case, it still always feels bittersweet. The bio mom now attends church with us and it appears she cares for us and trusts us, so to be happy with finalizing the adoption feels .....odd. The bio mom wasn't too thrilled with us hyphenating our name with the kids' last name...but she didn't create too much fuss and said she understood our reasoning. What's seems funny (lack of a better term) about that, is their last name isn't her last name. She still carries her maiden name. She does state though she is thankful she gets visits at all. She will get a ...