Porters Portals

The heart of this foster mom

2011-10-17T14:03:00.000-07:00

The state called today...another baby needing placed. It is such a bag of mixed emotions for me. I don't know if everyone goes through this or it's just me or it's just because I am still relatively new at this compared to others. Since my first placements all stayed. BUT...how I feel is nervous as all get out. I also feel a little excited and I also feel very sad. Nervous because I have no idea what is coming. Will the baby be cranky?Will the baby be overwhelmed with what just happened. Will the baby be needy? Alot of questions. I feel a little excited because I just love babies and I especially love baby girls. Getting to get them all dressed up and pretty. Then there is the feeling of sadness...know that a broken person just created a broken family. Especially in this case...knowing that as I am typing, the state is on their way to remove the baby from custody. So very very sad. So, I can't be all just one emotion. I can't be all nervous. I can't be all excited. I can't be all nervous. BUT I can't be this one thing...faithful. I can rest all that I am into the great 'I Am.' He knows all about this little one. He knew she would be coming our way. He knows what she needs, what her mama needs, and all her family. He is the only one who can do anything about it. I will be the tool to care for and love on this little one until....until....until whatever happens happens. I do appreciate the opportunity to pray for all of them...all the family involved. I pray with all my heart the little one is not scared when she gets here. That will be heart wrenching. I pray...I mean PRAY and ask God to bless her with peace as soon as she comes through our door. That her heart and mind will feel at ease. He will do this...I believe He will. To be continued......

I didn't look back

2011-10-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

The state came and took 'the baby' today to take her to her new, possibly temporary home. I am honest and will say I was a little sad when they called yesterday to tell me. I felt like she would stay...but I guess it was just wishful thinking. It is out of my hands and I don't know her future or what she truly needs. Only one does and that is the Almighty Living God. This is the door he opened for her so, I prayed her through it. All week I have prayed for her and her situation. I have prayed alone in silence, prayed alone out loud and even prayed at 'Worship' practice with some of my brothers and sisters. That tiny baby girl is covered!!! If anything evil tries to come against her, it will not break through the barrier of Gods mighty angels. His hand is over her. So thankful I have Him to put my trust in.

So, she is gone...the crib is empty. Forgot one of her bottles sitting on my kitchen counter drying...that tugged my heart a little. I know this ministry isn't about me...because 'me' wouldn't have let her go. This ministry is about God's business and I am a tool...and....that's a great thing! "Oil me up Lord and use me!"

So put the baby into the car, kissed her, talked to her, shut the door and walked away. I didn't look back...just have to keep looking ahead because God's got more in store.

Not about me!

2011-10-05T23:39:00.000-07:00

We have a foster baby with us right now. She is almost 3 weeks old. Oh my goodness she is tiny and so precious. It is so bitter sweet. I know this is Gods ministry, I know we are in this to help keep children loved, blessed, and safe until they can return to their healthy parents...but oh how this will be a challenge for me. Letting her go. Better sooner than later...but already my kids are madly in love with her and each day I can feel my heart absorbing her more and more. A woman I really appreciate and she is founder of 'Project Hopeful' always says..."it's not about me" or "remember...it's not about you!" I totally agree...it isn't about me. It's about my God and it's about this baby who needed a safe haven until God allows her to go where ever she needs to go...but my heart ....is me. That part is me and that part of me can feel the sadness creeping in. It's the lack of faith, because I worry about where will she go...to whom is she going. She is not being returned to bio mom...but they are digging deep to find a family member for her to go to. That's the part that is tough for me. If it was mom...not as painful...digging in the woodwork to fine someone,.....anyone related that she can go to...that doesn't set well with my spirit...but it is what it is. I am doing what God has called me to do. I will love on her, pray over her, and feed her and keep her safe, warm and clean. God will help me through the hump....feels more like a mountain though!

Post Coooonnnnncerrrrrt!

2011-10-05T23:31:00.000-07:00

Oh goodness...what a great time we had. My girl was so excited....and so was I! We met some friends at the church where the concert was being held. We met them at 5, ate some dinner and had great fellowship. At 6 we were able to enter the building. We stood in line to get our girls t-shirts. My friends 3 girls each got 'The Afters' t-shirts and my girl got a 'Casting Crowns' t-shirt. The concert started right at 7.

We were in our seats and ready at 7. The first performer was Lindsay McCaul. She was amazing. We both LOVED her voice. We bought her CD. The next group was 'The Afters,' my girl fell in love with them! The next group was 'Sanctus Real.' THENNNN...Casting Crowns came out and sang the new song (and movie) Courageous! They were fantastic. During intermission Mark Hall invites youth leaders to attend a meeting...I knew this was coming so I grabbed my girls hand and led the way. All the while she is saying...where are we going, whats going on. I said trust me. We got to the room, listened to an assistant talk about 'Global Youth MInistry' and then Mark Hall comes walking out. We were just steps away from him...my girl was so star struck! I loved it. He had great things to say about leading and ministering to our youth...and do you think I can remember any of it? NOPE!!! I hate that. He said something so great...I loved it...wanted to write it down...didn't...now can't remember what it was. ugh!
All evening I kept looking for Marks wife...have always wanted to meet her. She seems to be a pretty amazing woman. She is mom to 4, the youngest is adopted and has some health issues. She home schools her kids and she is CC's road manager. Wow! Would loved to talk to her. Never saw her........it wasn't until until about 2 days later I saw a past Tweet she had posted and it was a picture of Mark Hall talking to US! She was standing back behind us and I didn't even know she was there! DANG! Wouldn't have had the nerve to walk up to her and talk to her...but would have been cool just to see her.

Pre Concert

My girl with 'The Afters'

Casting Crowns unplugged

All the performers up singing 'Until the Whole World Hears' Yeh...I rocked this song!

Picture Taken by Mark Halls wife Melanie, you can see the back of my girl and I . We are in front and she has her hand on my back.

We are ready to rock!

Waiting in our seats

Mark Hall, pic not taken by me

Our friends

Listening to Mark Hall speak about Youth ministry

With Lindsay McCaul, and Josh from 'The Afters jumping into the shot' LoL

My beautiful girl with my Favorite Christian Rock band!
LOVE this pic

So we went back to our seats, part 2 started....CC is amazing. AMAZING. I love their hearts for our creator. I love their hearts for missions. I love their hearts for service. I love their hearts (and great talents) for music. Oh and Mark Hall is funny too...that's an added bonus! They reconfirmed why I love this group so much. I now have a great liking for 'The Afters' and I really like Lyndsay McCaul. She was phenomenal!
GREAT GREAT evening....provided by GOD!
We were ready to leave and saw we could get autographs from The Afters and Lyndsay..so we did that. Then we heard CC would be coming up to give autographs! We were thrilled...I Was amazed at how God was blessing us. I have met them before but oh how I wanted my girl to get a chance to meet them...and she did. We left that building at 11:15....it was worth every drop of sweat and achy feet. God is so good! What an amazing blessing! I pray groups like we saw that night never ever lose sight of what a gift they have been given to be able to live their hearts desire and share with others the glory and beauty of praise and worship music. That was not the road chose for me...but I sure can dream...and Mark Hall has no idea what amazing harmony I did with him that night!!! :-)
p.s. just realized I posted a video as a picture...sorry!

Cooooonnncerrrrrt!!!!

2011-09-30T07:18:00.000-07:00

I am thrilled to be taking my 8th grader, AR to see Casting Crowns tonight in concert. I just love that group. Love their music and their ministry. Good people! I won tickets a few weeks ago (which is amazing...I never win things) and I could only choose 1 other person to go with me. Well my AR girl likes Crowns music too so she gets to go as well...but I have been trying to win more tickets...not success yet. I still have one more try though Mark Hall himself. He gives away Meet and Greet Tickets the day of the concerts. If I was to win those, I would take my other 2 girls. I would love for them to experience great worship music.
Hope to get some fun pictures and post them on here. What a refreshing thing to look forward to and it's great to see my girl so excited for something. Now I gotta figure out what to wear!!!! lol

Just don't know...

2011-09-25T18:12:00.000-07:00

I just don't know why I can't seem to blog anymore. I think about it often and many times I sit down and have plans to and then I get to reading other blogs and before I know it...I'm out of time and am needed as a mommy or wife. I like to think it's because I have "so many kids," but I know there are some blogs I read and they have the double the kids I do and manage to stay current. Oh well...that's just the way it is....

Our summer FLEW by..................way too fast!!!! I was not ready to see it end. I am not ready for the short days, early sunsets. I like the sunshine. I am not a fan of the heat, but I do like the sunshine. However...the clouds are back and so is the rain. It was pouring rain out today when church let out. We were drenched before we reached our van. None of us had jackets because it was still pretty warm out....we will need to get in the habit again.

Some changes for us...all the adoption paperwork has been submitted, now it's just wait for the State to do their part and then the attorney will contact me with a court date. Bio mom has been attending church regularly and also attends a women's bible study. She has been dealing with emotions and has been honest and shared them with me. I am glad she is learning to lean on God. I am thankful she is trying to get her 'walk ' right. Also bio grandma attends church pretty regularly. She doesn't attend the bible studies but that's ok....she on the track for healing. Bio mom also has a newish friend she brings with her to church and ladies study...seems VERY nice. So, we are waiting for the news of the court hearing. The kids will keep their last name and hyphenated our last name on theirs. I think that's a great idea.

I had a grandson born in June in Honolulu Hawaii. Broke my heart not to be there. He was a VBAC birth. I was so proud of my girl for going all the way this time. She had C'section last time. He is a beautiful little boy. Very much more hispanic looking than his older brother...both are gorgeous!

Which brings me to the current news. I won tickets to see CASTING CROWNS!!! Whoohoo!!!! My favorite Christian Rock band! Love them and love their music. I will be taking my middle girl. It will be a blast. The concert is September 30th. Mid October I will flying myself to see my Hawaiian kids. To hug and kiss them non stop!!! I can not wait! I miss them so much. I can't wait to hold my grandson for the first time...makes my heart ache to think about it. I know it will be here before I know it.

Summer vacation was too short. School started off FULL, rocky, crazy, and tiring!!! Hope it calms to a dull roar soon.

Hope if there is anyone left reading my blog, I pray you were blessed this summer. I pray you are blessed this fall.
Here are just a few random shots from our Summer Adventures...

Summer Vacation part 1

Seeing the finish line...

2011-08-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

Met with our certifier yesterday and was told we should be getting a call from the State office regarding the adoption of our 2 foster kiddos. Today, the State called. We were approved for some adoption assistance which is great news and we will be receiving the paperwork in the next day or two to fill out for the "vendor" attorney. So, I am thinking the adoption should be final within the next month. In this case, it still always feels bittersweet. The bio mom now attends church with us and it appears she cares for us and trusts us, so to be happy with finalizing the adoption feels .....odd. The bio mom wasn't too thrilled with us hyphenating our name with the kids' last name...but she didn't create too much fuss and said she understood our reasoning. What's seems funny (lack of a better term) about that, is their last name isn't her last name. She still carries her maiden name. She does state though she is thankful she gets visits at all. She will get a visit once a month and she sees them at church weekly and sometimes twice a week. I know in my heart it is right. I pray I can always be a positive and Godly influence in her life. I desire so much to see her be victorious. I know she can be. Pray for her. I will call her TKA. Pray she can stay on the Godly path. I pray she grows and matures in the Lord. That she will in turn be able to be a Godly influence on her kids.
That's the newest new...not ready for school to start. Thankful our schools do not start until after the holiday. I like having my kids home. I like having the flexibility to do what we want when we want...but come it will.
We are blessed. We have our struggles....life is not easy...but we are soooo blessed. I am thankful and proud to call these two my kids.

Heart Break

2011-07-24T23:32:00.000-07:00

Man...the heaviness that lays on my heart for the children of this world. It's crazy how they suffer. They suffer because those who should be responsible are not. Those who should be loving and selfless are not. Every country has them. Kids abandoned because of birth defects or disabilities or parents hooked on drugs or because the child is such an inconvenience for them, making their life feel so pathetic that they take it out on the innocent by beating them. The list goes on...so many...too many. The heaviness in my heart at times feels too great. I pray, I give money when I can, I share with others but the one thing I desire to do is give them a home...yet...I can not. It takes two...and in this case only one is on the 'ban wagon.' So...I continue to pray. I continue to share. I continue to cry. So many faces. So much beauty. Such treasures.

Look over this website and let your heart be broken. Let your feet be moved. Let your life give life. Save Teri Lyn...and others like her. Look and be changed. Look and be moved to action.

"Father God...protect these babies until they get homes. Give your people...your chosen the strength to go against the tide. The courage to stand before giant$. The compassion to use what gifts and finances they have, not to go on yet another vacation, buy more clothes, get a new car....and so...but to save a life. To give life to those who are emotionally and physically dieing. Father you have blessed so many with so much. May they use it to save these children...Father, give these children your peace and comfort while they wait. Allow your angels to minister to them. I love you God. In Jesus' name! AMEN!!!

Some of the waiting children
also...Northwest Adoption Exchange
and...http://www.adoptuskids.org/Child/ChildSearch.aspx

Yesiree, she is 3

2011-07-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

"Yeehaw" Our beautiful and precious gift from God turned 3. I can't believe it, as usual, how time flies. We had a great celebration, even included the bio mom with our family and church family. BG had a great time. I am so thankful for the joy and beauty she brings to our life.

BG loves Jessie from Toy Story so that is the theme she picked out about 2 months ago and has talked about it ever since. So...that is what she got. A Jessie birthday. This little one has to be one of the prettiest little cowgirls I have ever seen.

'May the Lord Bless you and keep you, our precious baby girl, this day and for always'

Happy 235th Birthday America

2011-07-07T13:55:00.000-07:00

July 4, 2011

God has Blessed America

2011-07-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

I do love the 4th of July. It has always held such precious memories for me. I am originally from Oklahoma. Was born there in 65 and we took the Oregon Trail in 71. We landed in our new hometown on July 4th, 1971. As we were driving into town we were stopped in a small line of cars...a parade was passing through. When the parade finished we drove down the street and my parents saw my aunt heading to her car. That is the aunt we lived with for a while. Lived with her until we found our own home. Every year after that we would get awaken in the morning by a person driving through town, calling out on a loud speaker to wake up and come to the pancake breakfast. Later in the morning we would head downtown to watch the parade. One of the highlights was a company would drive a log truck with the biggest tree on it I had ever seen. It was probably a normal sized old growth tree...but it was ginormous to me. Kids I would go to school with would be in the parade because their parents would part of the 'family business in our small community. All through the day there would be events. Events such as the greased pig race, running races, 3 legged races, gunny sack races and such. I tried a gunny sack race once...didn't win. They had fireman competitions that were fun to watch. Especially the fire hose competition. They had to shoot a firehose at a target and try to push it towards the other team while the other team is pushing it towards them. It was great fun for the kids because the water spray was fantastic. There was also a small circus that came to town every year. They had a trained bear and the woman was a little on the larger side but boy could she balance on a ball. LoL The circus came with pony rides too. I remember I got to ride on one, one year. It was exciting.
I don't know what we did in the late afternoons. Bbq maybe? Not sure. But in the evening we would head back into town to the river, the Willamette River and find a spot to sit and then wait for the fireworks to start. I must say...I didn't like that part so much. I don't like loud noises especially explosions...so most of the time I would spend so much time plugging ears and covering my head. Also older kids would throw firecrackers into the bystanders. So...that part of the 4th was a love hate. Overall...love. A few years ago...maybe 01 or 02 I had an aunt move into a home into that same town. Her home sat next to the river. We went there that 4th of July and oh my what fun. Watched the parade, enjoyed family, walked through town, listened to music and then the fireworks. We sat in her yard and the fireworks went off over our heads. It was spectacular. Loved it. The most amazing time.
In 92 my then husband and I moved to Eastern Oregon...a town called Vale. For the 4th we would go into town for a parade and later in the evening would watch the rodeo. The rodeo was fun. I really enjoyed it. The first night they would have what was called the suicide race. At the top of a bluff horses and riders would line up, a cannon would go off and down the side of the bluff they would come. All you could see was a dust trail. Within moments they would reach the river near the rodeo grounds, they would have to cross the river and and ride into the arena. Horses would fall but not get hurt. For 3 years in a row the same young guy would win. He had long hair, his shirt was always unbuttoned and he would come flying in way ahead of the others. The last year I was able to be there he had stiff competition. It was a young girl. She flew into the arena right at his heels...come to find out, she was his sister. Good times.
Now that we live in a suburb of a big city, we don't have a parade to attend. We stay home and just enjoy hanging with family. Usually my parents and my adult kids...along with all the kiddos still at home. It's nice. I love it. Funny the different paths your life can take.
Why do we do all this celebrating? Celebrate the birth of the United State of America. The land of the Free. We are free indeed. Free to worship, free to vote, free to have a voice...so much freedom. Freedom to choose whom you will worship. I chose to worship the living God. The Alpha and the Omega. The Creator of the all things. That is who I choose to worship. The one who I have the freedom to publicly worship. The one who allowed this nation to be built. Every year I share the one song that means so much. It has such simple lyrics...but means so much.

GOD BLESS AMERICA.

God Bless America, land that I love. Stand beside her, and guide her, thru the night with a light from above. From the mountains, to the prairies, To the oceans, white with foam God bless America,

My home sweet home.

I am grateful for his blessings. I know this nation is turning against him and with that will come consequences, but I will continue to be thankful and will continue to pray for our nation and our nations leaders. I for one and eternally grateful for the freedoms I have as an American citizen and especially the Freedoms I have in Christ.

June 25th 40 year Anniversary

2011-06-27T22:09:00.000-07:00

My oldest sister just celebrated her 40th wedding anniversary. I have a few memories of that day. One of those memories is thinking "she looks so beautiful." I have always adored my sister. Today...my sister is still so beautiful. She gave my parents their first grandchild, my nephew. She then went on to have two more children...the youngest was a girl. That girl stole my heart. Oh how I adored her...maybe it was because I loved her mama so much. I idolized my brother in law. He was a dairyman, which meant he was around animals. How cool was that. Because of him I got to be around dogs, cats, cows, chickens, and horses. It was until many years into my adult years I discovered he never actually liked me...isn't the ignorance of children bliss!?!?! Though coming to that realization, that didn't erase the fond memories I had/have. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. This couple meant the world to me, for so many years. Though we don't get together much anymore, I know I can call or go see my sister and she would still love me and make me laugh. She is a treasure. She had 3 great kids and 6 wonderful grand kids. It's amazing what young love can do!

Their 3 kids

Their 6 grandkids

The whole brood

Papa's favorite team...more ways than one

Lester and Angie today

Ain't Happening

2011-06-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

Finding time or mental focus to write these days just isn't happening. I don't know how some of those other moms do it. So I have decided to post random pics in those times I am not up to writing. Now that summer break is here..maybe...just maybe I will actually be able to focus and get my thoughts out on paper (screen).

My first random pic is ......ok...picS!

My DAD! In honor of Fathers Day

My dad married my mom when he was 19 years old...this August he turns 78 years old. Hard to believe. In my mind, I always remember him as the man with the dark hair and black rimmed glasses. Sitting on our front porch smoking a cigarette. He was grumpy, he was a hard man, he was judgmental, he was hard on my older siblings (me being the youngest), and he wasn't always the best husband, but I will say...he was a good dad. He always provided for us, he never left our mom, and he didn't beat us or molest us. In this day and age...that makes for a great dad. I am thankful for him. The man he is today is a far cry from the man he use to be. Age is partly to blame for that but there is also something else...grand-daughters. He was able to be around two of his grand daughters when they were born and as they have grown. When he was around my daughters I would look at him and think..."who the heck is that? Who took my dad and left this man behind?!" Especially my 3rd born...my second daughter (pictured below). She stole his heart and laid the foundation for when her sister was to come along 13months later. I am thankful for the relationship they have had with him. These days we tease the girls about having been replaced by a new girl...our Baby Girl BG. She loves him and boy does she keep him in line. She has her Poppy wrapped around her finger.

The one picture I posted is of me and my brother. My brother was 4 years older than me and passed away when he was 12. That was the first time I ever saw my dad cry. That is one memory that doesn't leave my mind.

He is a good dad and I am thankful for him...yes, I am thankful for him.

The girl that changed my dad. This is her and my parents
at her 8th graduation this month.

'Wordless Wednesday'

2011-06-01T01:52:00.000-07:00

Catching up

2011-05-25T17:50:00.000-07:00

Not sure why life seems to be on an endless treadmill of trials, but it is. I remember years ago when the 'low tide' seemed to last for months before the next 'high tide' would come in...now...it seems I may get a day or two sometimes even a week, but that's stretching it.
Let me lay it out:
January
Car wreck, totalling my van and wrecking my nerves
February
My sister in law has a stroke and is diagnosised with diabetes
March
Japan has an earthquake, sets off a Tsunami, my pregnant daughter and 15mth old grandson are on the Island of Honolulu...ALONE...at night with warning sirens going off. She has no idea what to do or where to go. She finally connected with another Navy wife and they comforted each other and kept each company all night. What a sickening, helpless feeling for me as a Mama.
April
My foster daughter fell and cut her arm badly on a chain link fence. When
I heard her screaming and coming to the house, my heart felt like it stopped. As my
front door opened I was terrified as to what I would see. It was bad, not as bad as it could have been but the worse injury I have ever seen. We spent 5 painful, stressful, exhausting hours in the E.R. and she had 14 stitches.
May
My Beloved Mother goes in to have her heart checked because of some symptoms she had been having, she then had to go in for a 'stress' test and it came back saying there was 'obstructions.' She was then scheduled for a heart Stint. The day of that procedure the doctor came out and informed us she was going to need heart bypass surgery...TRIPLE bypass. My heart literally fell into my stomach. It was scheduled for the following Thursday.

The following Tuesday my adult son came home from work with severe stomach pain and then vomiting. A trip to the ER, released a few hours later and only to return the next night. Two people in my life with serious medical problems..I honestly didn't know how I would hold up. I was in the midst of other huge trials in my life and then all of this came along. My son spent 2 weeks in and out of the hospital, 4 E.R. trips and finally he was diagnosed with Vasculitis and was put on Prednisone. My mom came through surgery like a champ. She was released from the hospital 4 days after surgery. Remarkable and quite terrifying!!! They are both doing well. Life is a little more uncertain for both of them, but they are doing good. PRAISE GOD

And through all this...I survived. I aged 10 years, this was HUGE stuff to me and I felt on the breaking point with all of it...I know there are worse things and I won't even speak those things, but for me...this was right on the cusp of too much. I don't like the cusp. Now to look back and see if I have learned anything. I am still in the midst of a huge trial so it's hard to find time to seek out what lessons were learned, but I won't give up. I do believe God is trying to break this spirited hard head, for whatever purpose...I don't know. There is a purpose to everything.

My daughter is in Hawaii due to have my grandson any day. It has been a rough road for her...and for me. Because the 'loads' she carries I carry along with her. My heart breaks that I have not been able to share in this pregnancy with her. My heart breaks that I can not use our money to fly there to be with her. My heart breaks that my grandson could be months old before I meet him. It doesn't seem right. This is not the kind of mother I am...this is not the kind of life I imagined with or for my kids. We were always so close. This is hard for me...this is hard on me!!! Aspects of my life I hate...other aspects of my life I adore and wouldn't change it.

Took me an hour to write this with MANY interruptions. I love my kids...I adore my kids...I can tell that I am tired because so often I think about a vacation...away from my kids. To get away from all of this. Away from my home, my kids, my dogs and yes...my marriage! I guess I need a retreat more than a vacation.

That is the scoop...appears it's going to be a loooong year!
Come Lord Jesus, Come!

Hoarding?

2011-04-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we bought our two boys a bunk bed. Oh what excitement filled the air. The younger of the two thrilled he would now have a 'top' bunk and the older of the two was thrilled because the lower bunk is a full size. It was getting late when the husband and son returned home with the bunk bed and we still needed to eat dinner. I wanted to wait to set up the bed but seeing the excitement in the face of my boys I decided to let them go ahead and set them up. I won't call it a mistake but I will say it is a challenge. Kids went to bed late, youngest boy slept on the couch and now my living room looks like a room from a 'hoarders' house. ugh! The problem is, we ran out of time last night to finish. I could finish it today but last Saturday I took a fall and fell on my hip onto a a wooden doll cradle. Very hard to lift and bend. So...I am handicapped at the moment. So so frustrating. I would love to just get it done. This is, however, a sign of what is to come. We will be rearranging 5 rooms. We have kids switching rooms and we will be turning the family room back into a bedroom. That means the family 'stuff' will be coming out to the living room. Not too happy about that...not looking forward to it at all...but it's for the kids. Kids present and maybe future kids. It is a home after all. It is going to take days to get all of it done. Oh how my kids have an abundance of stuff. We sort out and sort out and it just seems to never end. The kids are all excited though to get it done. I am excited to get my baby into her own room....actually not excited to get her 'into' her own room but to fix up her own room. Should be fun and she will be so excited.
So, today I will live in the house of a hoarder-dont-wanna-be and hope no one comes by to visit.
p.s. I just couldn't make myself post a pic...it's way too horrific. <lol>

What a week...

2011-04-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

I said what a week but actually it all started on Saturday and a trip to the E.R. My little MK had an encounter with a chain link fence and she lost. The sound of one of your little ones screaming makes your heart stop. The first thing that happened was I heard something that didn't sound right...the kind of sound you stop and listen and you hear it, but really you don't...I think it is the heart that hears it and not the ears. So I stopped what I was doing and listened with my ears all the while heading towards our front door. Then I could hear a blood curdling scream as I got closer to our front door. My mind started to whir at this point. Before I could get to the door my little girl MK came flying in screaming that she got hurt. On her forearm was a hideous gouge/cut that ran width of her arm and just as deep. A trip to urgent care and then a trip the Emergency Room and 5 1/2 hours later my poor girl had endured serious pain of people checking the wound, an i.v., a wound washing, injections of lidocaine (which are horrible), and then the stitches. It was such a horrifying day. Trust me, I know, it could have been worse...it wasn't life threatening but in our world (our "playground" as our pastor would say) it was horrible. My poor dear ended up with 14 large stitches. It will be a pretty nasty scar. The things I was very thankful for was the GREAT nurses the Lord had there for us. I am thankful for the pain of the i.v. that delivered morphine to ease her pain and fear. I am thankful for medical care. Thankful for the meds that helped her with her pain and enabled her to sleep. Thankful my heart did not explode! She is doing well. She is back to school and enjoying the limelight...still sore but back to herself now.

On much more pleasant notes the day of the accident I learned that my 35 yr old niece is pregnant. She has a daughter who just turned 10. I was so surprised. Then yesterday a family friend who is the mother of 5 beautiful girls had a baby boy! So happy for them. Baby news is always exciting.

My girl K is due to have my grandson last part of May. I have come to the realization I won't be there for the birth. That pains my heart greatly. I at least wanted to be there to care for toddler grandson while mommy and daddy were at the hospital. I have prayed and prayed about it and it appears that God is making preparation for them...without me. Makes me sad, but I accept what God desires for my girl and for me.

Romans 3:22
"There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished—he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."

Justified Freely, Redemption through Christ Jesus! We are redeemed because of one thing.

JESUS!!!!

An amazing Mother's Day this year

2011-04-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

So the 'Ultimate Blog Party' stuff wasn't for me. Too complicated, too time consuming. I just don't have enough time or energy to give it that much thought. I am not e-savvy so it takes too much time to figure that stuff out especially when you have made the decision not to pay anymore into this 'stuff.' I stay with my 'free' blog page....limited as it is...it works!

An Amazing MOTHER'S DAY

From one of my favorite blogs, Kelly's Korner, it's the infamous 'Show Us Your Life.' The topic this time is Mother's Day/Father's Day ideas. We don't make huge deals out of these holidays, usually just having a mild, quieter day is gift enough. We do sometimes give each other our favorite meal. This year for Mother's Day it will be different and I am excited. Our worship team has picked 3 hymns (plus our call to worship and 'new' song we always do). The 3 hymns are comprised of 3 people on our worship team who have shared with us what their Mother's favorite hymn was. Two of the Mom's have since passed away and one of the Moms is a mom in our congregation. She is in her 80's. That will be special...BUT what is special on that day to me is MY MOM, 3 of my daughters, and myself will be singing together. We will be singing an old hymn...one of MY mom's favorites. What a blessing that will be. I hope I can keep from crying. It will rank in first place next to the year my mom, my 3 sisters, and myself went to the coast for two nights. Oh what fun that was! It was amazing!!!!

Another aspect of Mother's day this year is my daughter due to have her second child...a son. My oldest daughter...a mother of two. How crazy that seems. I won't get to be there and that breaks my heart but we will be able to skype. Maybe she will have him on Mother's day...that would send me over the top! lol

So that is our plans for Mother's Day...haven't made any for Father's day yet. Maybe I will put my kids on that task!

Just in Case....

2011-04-04T13:05:00.001-07:00

Ultimate Blog Party 11

Just in Case you are new to my 'world' (blog) I would like to say "WELCOME." A little about me and my blog. We are nothing incredibly exciting or feat defying. We are a Jesus follower, a Mom, a wife, a kids church leader, advocate for loving and raising kids of all kinds from all places in all means. I share my everyday life. I share my regular ol'thoughts. Either about facts or about feelings. I am not trendy and I don't have time to stay up on or figure out new gadgets. I have in the last year been striving to minimize aspects of my life and focus on God, Love, Family, and basics. Not to be caught up in the fast moving flow of worldly 'stuff.' Not that I am against it, it's just not for me these days. I worked many years and now have the opportunity to stay home and work here. I work to care for my home and my family. Putting God first. You will see glimpses of my life and you will meet all honesty with me. So, that's me and my blog in a nutshell. I would love to get to know other blogging moms out there...I like to pray for others so if you have a request...shoot me a note. This week is the Ultimate Blog Party I have never joined one before and thought I would give it a try. Sounds fun. If you came here from there, leave me a message letting me know and where you are from!! Enjoy and above all....be blessed!

We MUST

2011-03-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

We must fall on our knees and faces and lift up our prayers to the Living God, the Creator. Intercede for this little beauty and for his family. His God created his family and the darkness of this world is trying to interfere. The heart of the 'judge' can be changed. This battle can be won.

Please read No Greater Joy

God is listening, He hears our prayers and He knows our hearts...now show him our actions. Live your faith.

Yarrrr

2011-03-24T16:41:00.000-07:00

My niece and nephew (he happens to be the 'Captain') have been part of a band of pirates here in the Portland Oregon area for a few years now....and, well I won't waste your time with words...enjoy the video and spread the word.

Pirates

We Are The Moms

2011-03-24T13:47:00.001-07:00

We, as a family, had a huge step in the right direction this past Sunday. The bio mom of our two (pre) adopted kiddos came to church. It was fantastic. I could see how happy she was to be there and I think it proved to her the trust she can have in us to 'foster' a relationship between her, us, and the kids. There are certain people in my family that didn't think we should be that open. That we should give her the least possible, the every 3 months visit, but God says we are to love. Giving her the least amount of time with the kids possible is not showing her love. Giving her all the time possible with the kids and with us and loving on HER is showing HER love...showing her Gods love. So, she came to church service and the kids were thrilled. It went great. She now has my cell number too which I gave to her willingly. Now we have an open line of communication. That thrilled her beyond words.

God is the creator of ALL things. He loves all of us equally and for that I am thankful. The bio mom made some mistakes in her past...haven't we all? Her mistakes in the kingdom of God are no bigger than my mistakes. There is, after all, only one sin that can keep anyone out of heaven, the sin of unbelief. So pretty much...her and I are equal. We are suffering different consequences of our past mistakes but we are the same. We share the same kids. We love the same kids. We are equal. We are the Moms of MK and LB and we are ALL children of the KING!

A Lovely morning in Oregon

2011-03-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

It is a lovely morning here in Oregon. The sunshine greeted me this morning which was great. It made want to throw open the blinds and welcome it in. Don't get me wrong...I love rain, I really do...but boy that sunshine sure picks up the heart. It's a little cloudy again but at least the wind isn't blowing horribly.

Lot's to do today. I gave 3 haircuts this morning, waited to do my house chores until the showers were done, then in a bit a run to Target, then later we are attending a wedding. The kids are very excited about that...well the girls are that is. It should be a nice time of fellowship. The groom is Cuban and I hear there will be 'Cuban' food there so I am interested in trying that. The husband will be happy there is food there...he won't care what kind. So everyone should enjoy that part of it.

My girl in Hawaii still doesn't have a laptop and that does not make me happy. I miss seeing her and my grandsons face and talking with them. I love to sing 'our' little song to baby W. He loves when Nana sings him his song and he always claps and says "yea" at the end. I love it. I did send him a video from my phone of me singing. I heard he liked that. I ache so badly to see them. I am praying {begging} God to provide a way for me to get to that island to see my kids and welcome my new precious grandson when he arrives. Nothing is impossible with my heavenly Father...just have to figure out if that would be His will for me or not. He does know what is best.

I slept in this morning and have now spent too much time on the computer so now it's time for my shower. This country is so blessed....I am so blessed!!!

I have posted a couple of pics of the kids I take to church on Tuesday nights...they are great kids!!! The second picture is of them being 'normal.'

Changes are a comin'

2011-03-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

We have had some changes come about in the last few months and I know more are on the horizon. The biggest change is that of the status of our 2 remaining foster kiddos. Their parents made loving difficult decisions to leave the kids with us. Believing it was what was best for them. I was stunned. It is such a bittersweet change. My heart breaking for their parents and for the kids and yet happy and blessed that God chose us to raise them. What an honor. They are amazing kids. Beautiful on the inside and the outside. They will, of course, stay in contact with their parents. I know in my heart their parents are their parents and always will be. I am not replacing them. I will now foster a relationship with them to keep them all connected. They all love each other very much and I know that will continue. The kids accepted the news pretty well. I think it was a little bit of a surprise especially for MK because she has looked to the day when she would return, but yet she also received it with relief. Happy a decision had finally been made and that they would no longer be flopping around in limbo.

Today is a big day. I meet with bio mom to work on some visitation stuff. We had a rough draft already which she accepted and today we are going to discuss more and get more detailed. I am not sure at this point if bio Dad has ever made contact with the mediator. He is struggling with other life issues right now, sadly, and it has been challenging. Praying he can pull himself back up for the sake of the kids and for his own sake as well.

So, in the next few months we will be an official family of 8. The kids want to add our last name to their name which I think he so endearing. I didn't expect it and didn't pressure them one way or another....but that is what they want and it will be great.

God has chosen me to birth 4 amazing kids for which I am so thankful and now at this time in my life...he has birthed 4 kids from my heart. My step son and the 3 the state delivered into our home. I love them so deeply and I am so thankful for each one.

Now to wait on the Lord and see what is coming next...one just never knows...does one...none but the Lord!!!

In a mere moment

2011-03-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

I still have a hard time these days organizing my thoughts enough to write something coherent. But I push myself to write because I for one enjoy reading blogs and get tired of opening someones blog seeing the same post for days, weeks, months. So I will attempt to write something somewhat sensible.

Events of late have been mentally and emotionally 'whelming.' From marriages within our family breaking up, long term employments being terminated, dear friends and family with serious health problems...then the 'Over' whelming part...that mere moment in time when core of your being is jolted...the earthquake in JAPAN. It took me several hours before I began to worry about Japan and the people there because one, I didn't see any of it on the news and two, because my pregnant daughter and my grandson were on alert in Hawaii for a tsunami. She was all alone because her naval husband was 'underway' and it was dark outside and she didn't know what to do. My heart absolutely sunk into the soles of my feet. I was utterly helpless. There was nothing I could do....but pray. After about a half an hour of wracking my nerves I decided to go to bed. My heart and my brain could not handle anymore. I know some would think I should stay up all night with my girl on the phone...but I could not. I would have had her freaked out. I knew I needed to let her focus on the news and assess situation. I told her to call me if anything changed. I headed off to bed and while I snuggled into my bed with a heavy spirit, I laid it before my creator in prayer. I feel asleep after a time...while praying. It was a restless night and I woke early. I sent my girl a text not knowing if she would be awake or not...she wrote right back and she was fine. She had the one and only person on that island that she knew come and stay with her. Her friend was more afraid then she was. They were a great comfort to each other. I was so thankful that God brought them together. I sat at my computer and cried. I was thankful they were safe...I was thankful my girl was not alone. What a relief. The next day as I saw the news stories and the videos...then my heart broke for Japan. Only God knew what was coming. Only God knew how to help those who would die and those who would survive. Even today....I still feel at a loss of what happened and what I could possibly do...I pray. Father be their comfort. Be the living God that they will see and will cling to. The God that saves and gives eternal life. You are the only god that can not be destroyed. The only god that can not be ignored. "YOU are mighty to save." I pray that we your people will be more mindful of you. That we will live each day as if it is our last. We will live each day as if it may be our 'neighbors' last. Help us God, those still walking this earth who serve you, to seek you. To continue to learn your word and to put it into practice. That we will share and live the 'Good News.'
Pray for Japan, pray for those who travel to help Japan. Pray for the unbelievers, pray for the believers.
God bless each of us.

Finally...

2011-02-25T16:38:00.001-08:00

We finally had some winter weather. It didn't last long, but it was sweet while it was here. Yesterday we had a snow day. We got 3 to 4 inches of snow....enough to cancel school and go outside and roll around. I love Western Oregon for this reason. We usually don't have ongoing inclement weather. I remember once we had a bad freezing rain storm and we were without electricity for 3 days...but the worse I remember. I lived in Eastern Oregon for 4 years and the first winter there was horrible. It was the worse and longest winter they had, had in years. Lucky me! Oc

tober came and the snow started to fall. It was exciting and awesome at first...but when January and then February and then March came around and we still had a bunch of snow on the ground...I was done. Not only was I new to that weather but we had moved onto a farm. The fences were in disrepair as the cows soon found out. I had to feed them everyday and break the ice off the water. It took us a while to get tank heaters, and water pipe heaters all hooked up running. Oh the whole other aspect was driving...thankfully God had blessed us with a 1 ton 4 wheel drive Suburban before we moved there. I would have been housebound many times and then I would suffered 'cabin fever' as well. It was an interesting winter...I learned alot and one of the most valuable things I learned while I was there...I much prefer the Oregon on the West side of the mountains.
Here are a few pics from our 'Snow Day' excluding the 2 teens who preferred to stay inside.

I will be honest and say I did pray and ask God to give us at least one day of snow...and He was gracious and did. Thank you Father. We had a great day.

Name that star....

2011-02-20T18:17:00.000-08:00

I was blessed to attend a worship seminar yesterday with 4 other people and what a blast I had. I haven't participated in anything like that in a long time. The speaker of the seminar was very gifted and I enjoyed it very much. Out of the many things that touched my heart yesterday, this one thing I want to share.

The bible says God named every star. EVERY star? That is what his word says. There are more stars than we as humans can count. They use to say there is a trillion...now they know it more. So, let's think about a trillion. the speaker said if you count 2 numbers per second up to a trillion...how long would it take? Do you know how long??? 15 THOUSAND...YEARS! wowza! Do we serve an amazing Almighty God?

YES we do!!!

Blessings that go 'BAM!'

2011-02-20T18:05:00.000-08:00

You know how you have a request on your heart that you know only the Father in heaven can answer? You know how you lay that request at his feet often and wait to see what the outcome will be? There is ALWAYS an answer to that prayer. Sometimes the answer is no, sometimes the answer is silence, sometimes the answer is yes...and then the yes is fulfilled in the darnedest way....
That is what happened to me in January. First of all I ended the year sick...and began the year sick...fun fun! Then 01-11-11 came. Me and 3 of my girls were on my way home from a 'science lab' my girls attended, we had just went through a signal light, traffic came to a sudden stop and 'BAM'....the cargo truck behind me used my van to stop. He was going about 40mphs. Wow...it packed a punch. Scared me and my girls pretty good. I have always known I don't do well in emergency, think fast situations and that day I proved it. God knew this about me and had a young, kind, helpful man in front of me (I ran into his Subaru wagon...but didn't cause any damage to his vehicle). The cargo van behind me pulled off to the side and never came to check on us...I think he was pretty dazed and to make matters worse he was driving his 'work' truck. I was shaking so bad I found it hard to find my information. It also happened to be a cold day, a 32 degrees kind of afternoon. Me being the mature, well experienced woman that I am, I called my mommy and daddy and said "help." So they came and helped me with the girls. It took about an hour to swap info and wait for the tow truck. Though my van didn't sustain much damage in the front (A slight buckle) it wouldn't start, so I had to have it towed. The pictures I have don't show all the damage, but most of it. Glass shot from the back half up through the van, but fortunately my girls were not hurt. We spent a couple of days very sore and me very down. This is when the answer to prayer came about...

One of my hopes and prayers I have had was for a bigger vehicle. I, of course, had my plan. We would pay off my husbands truck come May, then go and buy a bigger van and keep my mini van. It was, after all, paid off, had new brakes and tires and we had never had a problem with it. I knew as soon as the wreck happened...my van was totalled...and it was. It was a sad day when the wrecking yard came to tow 'her' away to the junk yard. She deserved a better resting place than that. sigh. I knew and acknowledge that the Almighty God had my life in his hands. I knew everything would work out. I knew God was allowing everything to fall into place...and yet the heavy weighed in my heart. Dumb huh...over a vehicle. It wasn't just that I was attached to the van, it was the hope and plans of having no car payments were paid off on my husbands truck we would be able to use that money to pay off some other bills. It was a little bit of fear of what vehicle we would get next. Say...a 'lemon.' My heart was a little heavy...but on the upside my spirit was willing. I didn't drag myself around wounded. I focused on God and prayed for the sadness to go away. For HIS plan to be revealed. I knew we couldn't afford a 2nd car payment...so I wondered how...

We did have a very nice rental van for 2 weeks. My kids LOVED it. DVD player, heated seats and many bells and whistles. I told the kids we were on a "van vacation." They were sad to see it go.

I would sit at my desk and wonder how it would all work out. We would have to use what little the insurance company would give us and buy a used van, knowing full well that any van we bought would be older and high in miles and have issues....BUT...for one of the first times ever...I really did give it over to God. I said...I have NO idea what to do or how this will work out. I need YOU to reveal this to us....and He did! Long story short, we found a newer used van (more money than I would have ever considered paying at this time) and the 'bank' gave us enough for the new 'to us' van to pay off the husbands truck and our payments were cut in half. Amazing. And so...what did we end up with? A new to us mini van? NOPE...we ended up with a beautiful 12 passenger van...just what we needed (and wanted). There is so much more to this story.... but I will end this lengthy post with this. I am not sure why God allowed us to go through what He did...but I know, He knew best. I know this van we are driving today is directly from him.

Tuesday night....I had 10 kids in the van to go to 'Kidz Klub' at church...it was a beautiful sight!

Some days I miss my mini van, but I am thankful for the blessing that God gave us...plus it has FM radio and a CD player....to me that is better than gold.

I will admit every time the thought of having a bigger house crosses my mind...I push it out of my thoughts. If he allowed a wreck to happen in order to get the bigger van...It makes me nervous to think what could happen to get a bigger house....lol

Now...to see if God has plans for us for more kids...........

Whew...yep, I'm here

2011-02-07T22:10:00.000-08:00

I wrote this before Thanksgiving, threw it into drafts because I was nervous to share my frailty...today I just reread it and decided to go ahead and post it....

11/14/10
Life in the Porter household is going...well...it's going...and it's going quickly. It seems the time flies faster than a greyhound on a race track. The days go oh so quickly and I don't seem to accomplish much. It's frustrating. I know some of it is my fault (going to keep it real). I am not always a good steward of my time. I spend too much time on the computer and on returning text messages. I work on curriculum for the kids group I direct at my church and I also spend time trying to figure out how to help my girls with their homeschool/virtual lessons. Three hours of their lessons and I am spent. It's not fun. It's not exciting and some days I have had to repent because of my anger directed towards my girls for not doing their part. Education sucks anymore. Finances suck. People suck and well pretty much...you would think my version of life sucks...BUT it doesn't. I have beautiful healthy kids and grandkids. God is good all the time, even when we are not. He is gracious and loving. Though I may not hold up well all the time...ok, most of them time....I do know I am blessed. I do know God has a purpose for me and I do what I can to fulfill that purpose.
We have had a few bouts of this and that. From stomach flu, to respiratory virus to allergic reaction to earrings. Otherwise, we have been pretty darn good. I have elected this year to get everyone a flu shot...well most everyone. I didn't get the baby one. They have to have two separate shots...and to be honest...I can't do that to her. My huz hasn't had one yet and doesn't appear to be wanting...he is now getting over a nasty respiratory illness. I like to think that 'my' flu shot kept me from getting it. I am hoping these darn shots will helps us to keep from getting so sick this year. The schools are full of so many bugs and the come flying home to us. Here's to flu shots...cheers!

Sometimes I feel pretty trapped in life...like a prisoner. It's not that I don't like my job.."wife, mother, superhero." It's the poor finances, it's the lack of energy, the lack of self control over food, and it's the lack of knowledge. All of that makes me feel like a prisoner. A prisoner to this flesh that I can't seem to conquer. I feel pretty pathetic the other day when I watched an Oprah episode I had recorded on my DVR. It has Ingrid Betancourt (look her up online...incredible women with an incredible experience) She has a new book out called, "Even Silence Has an End"

On the Oprah show she made statement...I tried to get it all down..it went like this..."A letter from Paul to the Romans, he was talking about a vision he had. He was suffering alot, and he hears Jesus say "my grace is sufficient for your needs." He doesn't need anything else to overcome his pain than the grace of Jesus. The more fragile he was the more stronger he was." That struck my heart. I know what passage she is referring to... I have read it and heard it many many times...but that night...it struck me. God spoke it into my heart. God knew where I would be at this point in my life. He knew what condition mentally, physically, spiritually I would be in. He also knew what part he wanted me to play in His kingdom on earth. It is through my weaknesses he shows his grace...he shows his mercy...he shows his power! His grace is all I need. I may want more. I want an easy fix for finances...after all it didn't take a lot of work or time to get them this messed up. His grace is sufficient daily. I want to be thinner and healthier. I want self control. I will continue to work on it...until my die most likely. So for now I remember...HIS grace is sufficient. As I let go and give myself over to him....I can and will be a witness unto Him. I may not have it all figured out... I may still be overweight, tired, broke before payday, and so on....in my weakness' God will use me. I'm not hiding my shortcomings in the name of Jesus..I am laying them at His feet. He knew what I was and what I was capable of before He chose me. So in spite of my frail flesh...He will bless others in spite of me. Praise God. He will bless whom HE chooses...HE will bless how HE chooses. I love my creator. Praise be to HIS name!!!

A New Year?

2011-01-06T06:48:00.000-08:00

Really? Can it really be 2011? Seems so crazy. I for one was ready for a new year though and so were many of my family members. 2010 wasn't an easy one for many, so glad to see it go.
With this year I don't have any resolutions...mainly just a desire to increase my bible study time and to truly and fully live in the love and direction of Jesus. Wanting, desiring to truly be more like him. I want to be one who fully lives by faith. I will find victory in when the difficult times come, when I feel the life which I lead is crumbling, I can stand firm in peace knowing that God has it in total control. That if anything which appears to be 'bad' is happening to me or my family, I will know and understand that God has a plan. I want to let go of this flesh that gets angry, and sad, and depressed when the trials hit. I want to be like 'Joseph' in the bible and know that I am where God wants me be GOD has a better plan and purpose and is fulfilling that plan and purpose. THAT is my desire for 2011 and forever.
I am blessed with a husband who loves his family, who has a job, who wants and appreciates a wife who stays home. I am blessed with 6 fantastic kids who are healthy, and spunky, and beautiful. With all that....I have already started out the new year amazingly!
So, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

She is OUR daughter

2010-10-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

We made it, she is our girl. The judge signed the papers. We were surrounded by family and friends. It was beautiful. It was hectic, chaotic, surreal and yet beautiful.

My family and I met my parents, a family friend, and one of my sisters at a 'MAX' stop (that is our rail transit) and we headed to downtown Portland. At one point my husband told me what time it was and my heart fell. I knew in that instant we were going to be late. LATE? To our daughters adoption ceremony? I couldn't believe. I have not felt that sick to my stomach in so long. Once off the MAX me, my daughter in-law and two of my girls walked (pushing strollers) as fast as we could to the courthouse. When we got there the line going through security was L-O-N-G. The jurors were coming back from lunch. Oh how I wanted them to realize how much more important our business in that court house was! (lol) so we took our turn. Both my daughter in law and I beeped...ugh! I had to remove my shoes...she had to remove her belt. We got through, took the elevator to the second floor and flew down the hallway to the courtroom. We go flying in and my pastor greets us...says, "they haven't asked for you guys yet." whew!!! To my surprise....there were so many of our church family there! WOW! Also in attendance was our caseworker and one of our favorites SSA's (the person who transported BG to visits). It was breath taking and touching. The judge comes and asks for me to come forward...but I had to inform her not everyone was there. Yikes! That is unsettling..she moved onto some cases. Then the rest of us straggled in. My husband with his boots untied, sweat on his head and his belt in his hand. If I had not be so over the top flipped out...it would have been funny at the time.

Finally, my husband and I were called forward, the judge signed, the judge stated BG's full new name and everyone cheered and clapped...pictures were taken. The judge handed BG a stuffed animal and me a box of cookies and napkins. Less than 5 minutes and it was over. We headed to the hall where there were laughs and more pictures. My kids were all so happy and excited. Later BG kept saying in her 2yr old voice "Mama and Papa adopt me." we would say, "Yes baby...Mama and Papa adopted you!" Sweet baby.

The following Sunday we dedicated her to our Almighty God in front of our church family. It was sweet and special and she cried through the WHOLE thing. Lovely! She is two after all. We had a lovely happy reception afterwards. The events of that week were glorious. I can't explain (those who have been through it know) how it felt to have that finalized. She is Gods first and ours second! But let me talk no more...let me introduce our baby to you...

Phoenix Marie Porter

(she will still be referred to as BG)

p.s. We only changed her last name.

A couple of others....

2010-10-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

Yes I have other kids...I know I usually post pics of the baby...so I thought I would take this time to post pics of the others....

October?

2010-10-06T08:04:00.000-07:00

Seriously? October? How..when did that happen? I just can't believe it. Sometimes this whole 'time' thing is really hard to wrap the brain around. Life goes by so quickly. Most days I wish it didn't, but there are those days when I am glad it does.

There hasn't been too many exciting events in the Porter house, aside from camps, school starting, stomach flu, and things like that. Just 'run of the mill' stuff. We had 2 monumental birthdays this summer. A 16th and a 13th. Yikes! There is exciting events in our very near future though. The adoption is only but a day away. Our entire family is over the top excited about that. Will be glad when the document is signed. Then I can take a deep breath. Today my baby has a final state conducted visit. There has been no indication of possibility of bio mom taking flight with BG, but yet my heart feels cautious. There will be 2 case workers present so that does give me some comfort. I am not worrying, but I am praying. Will be glad when she is back home to me and in my arms. Then the visits will be quarterly and bio mom will have to make initial contact. I am praying for bio moms heart. I pray she will come to know Jesus as her savior. I am praying her heart will not be crushed to where she can not see the light. I pray she will have comfort in knowing her daughter is in a loving home. A home that adores her. A home that prays for both of them. It's an emotional week, tinges of sadness but oh so rich with joy.
The other event soon in coming is Christmas. It will be marvelous Christmas. One where our 'new' daughter will be celebrating as a Porter. Also, my eldest daughter K will be coming home and bringing my precious grandson with her. They will be here for Christmas and WA first birthday. He is just too precious for words and oh how my heart aches for him. To learn that my daughter, his Mommy, is expecting a baby again made me a little sad at first. Sad that my girl will have so much work to do. Sad her poor back would go through this again so soon. I am happy she is ok with it. I am happy that she doesn't have to work and she has her own home. I know she is happy to be with her husband, as well she should be. He will hopefully be there for the duration of this pregnancy. I will try to be there for the delivery, but those darn babies have minds of their own.

Homeschooling is challenging. Last year we went to a virtual school through our local school district. I was told by a parent that the kids are pretty self reliant. They can just cruise at their own pace. Well....we joined late last year and I didn't get a whole feel for it. I needed something that would free me up. Something they could work on for themselves. I feel we have just be given 500lbs of bricks. My girls are not able to do their work on their own. They need so much assistance. I thought it was just my girls, but the advisor told me yesterday the curriculum is difficult. The majority of kids need constant assistance. sigh. We will manage. I feel I have no choice. I won't send them back to public school, private school is not an option, and we can't afford Christian curriculum so we will stick it out.

So much on my mind anymore but never time to write it all down....well write it down and make sense of it.

Tomorrow...will be a great day! Adoption day. So far it sounds like many friends and loved ones will be attending. Watch out Multnomah County Courthouse...you are being invaded by many who love BG!!!! GOD ROCKS!

Adoption Court Date

2010-09-10T07:15:00.000-07:00

YES...we have a date. The adoption of our precious BG will be on October 5th downtown Portland. We are having an 'adoption ceremony.' I have no idea what to expect but don't even care. Just want to be there and see it made official. This judge has known BGs bio mom for several years. I am glad it will be her signing the official document.

Please never think I am being cold and callous in regards to bio mom, because I am not. She is a constant thought in my mind. I feel sad for her. My heart has broken many times over her....but right now and in the next month it will be all about my baby girl. Because God has chosen us to raise this amazing child. God has placed her in our family and though I am sad about the bio's life choices or her history I am choosing to rejoice and celebrate the gift God has given us.

This little girl is amazing and I know I have done nothing in my life to deserve something so amazing. I am thankful and grateful that for whatever reason or reasons God placed her with us and as of October 5th, she will become a Porter!

'Thank you Father, the Almighty God!'

I Returned

2010-08-26T22:50:00.001-07:00

We made it to Hawaii and I have returned...alone. I had never been to Hawaii so it was exciting to see it and get to see a few historical landmarks and some traditional Hawaiian spots, such as Waikiki...BUT just as I thought my heart was weighed down the entire time. It didn't help that my little guy had a bad rash on his bottom that made him very uncomfortable and cranky and that my daughters monthly friend returned the day after we arrived there. Then the day I was to leave she developed a bladder infection. Yeh...all that really helped me want to leave...not! I needed to stay to care for them. But I did my duty and I loaded my bags, made my way through security with tears streaming down my face and then got around the corner and had a cry fest. I wanted to sob...but I at least controlled that. I only cried a few tears as my plane left the island and I left my precious kids behind. It's been hard to shake the sadness...I hope it passes. I do...I want to be happy for them and about them. I truly do.

It was an interesting and exhausting trip. I did enjoy being the Nana Nanny. My little guy slept with me the first two nights and then slept in his portacrib my last night. I rocked him to sleep each night and fed him breakfast each morning. I sat in the back seat of the rental car when we would go places and oh how I love that little face. He has a way about him...he is very contemplative. He stares into your eyes and he has the sweetest eyes ever. I love that little man...I miss him so much.

So, I am waiting on the Lord. Waiting to see what the lesson is. Man...the trials I have been going through are exhausting. Many of which I don't share with anyone. But let me tell you...I feel like an empty vessel most days. That is not the way to live and I waiting...waiting for wisdom, waiting for change. Waiting on the Lord. That is the best I can do.

No big deal

2010-08-25T23:49:00.001-07:00

So, I did finally find out what the 'call' was about and it wasn't that big of deal. Something a 'loving' family member accused me of years ago and decided to resurrect it when I started fostering. The state didn't take it too seriously but had to follow up on it. I explained everything and they were satisfied. I won't go into details, just know I am ok and even more important...the kiddos are ok. All is well. The 'dark one' tried to stop what God set into motion but it didn't work. God was victorious again...like duh! Of course He was! He IS the Alpha and the Omega...the creator, the savior, the everlasting Almighty God!
I am glad though that little bump in the road is done...for now! The liers and the backstabbers REALLY need to move on and get a life!

My girl is leaving...

2010-08-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

My daughter K will be leaving for Hawaii tomorrow and will be taking my precious grandson also. I do have the blessing of going along with her, but oh how my heart is heavy and will even say that it is broken. I will miss her so much but my grieving is over my grandson. The thought of missing him grow and change is so hard. The thought of not kissing and snuggling him at least once twice a week is heart breaking. He will be a different little boy when I see him next. God willing that will be December...when he is one. Then I won't see him til next summer. It's just so much for my heart. I hope to enjoy our time there...but I already know that my heart will be so heavy.

What If's

2010-08-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got up early to 'spiff' the house up in preparation of a visitor...a visitor of legal sorts. The Legal Assistant to an attorney for one of my kiddos. So I am 'spiffing' the house and get over to my desk where I see I have a message on my phone. Weird...I didn't even know I had missed a call on Monday or Tuesday. So I listen and suddenly what, if any bliss I had while cleaning pretty much came crashing down. It was our state certifier (now I share this story as not a way to air dirty laundry but to allow you the opportunity to share in this experience and to learn along with me) and she said she had received a report she needs to discuss with me. Nothing extremely serious but needed to be addressed. There are probably some out there that would hit delete and let it go. Oh no, not me. I have a weakness (well several...but this is the one being addressed), I worry. She didn't give me any clue as to what the 'report' was so I can't even tell you how many scenarios have gone through my mind. Thinking...what if I have yelled one too many times at the kids? What if I did not make them keep their rooms clean enough. Is my room too dirty? What if I don't make them bathe often enough...is not every 2 or 3 days enough? What if MK was mad at Papa Larry because she got in trouble for talking back...did she tell them he was "mean?" What if it's because I have late bills? What if the kids told a lie (I doubt it)? What if it's because the day Papa L babysat he didn't feed them lunch before going of on a visit? When I asked him why, he said "they never said they were hungry." Ugh!.....So, yeh. I pretty much obsess over things. I DON'T like surprises so I try to think of every possibility. Sadly, the certifier only works Mondays and Tuesday....I will have to wait a week for the 'results'...I mean the phone call.
We are not bad people. I don't abuse or neglect my kids so why would something like this tap into my 'dark' side...that worry section!
It's still nagging at me...but I am going to try and let go of it. Focus on the kids today. I have plans to take them to some of our local waterfalls. It's free, it's close, and it's beautiful.
So today, Lord, help me to live Matthew 6:34 'Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." AMEN!!!

Ahhh...that's why....

2010-07-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

So all along I have been blaming myself for the blogging slumber. Thinking I was in a funk...a foul mood. Nothing good to write about. Can't keep a thought and so on and so on....

Could this possibly be the reason I have trouble blogging?

A Decision

2010-07-26T22:05:00.000-07:00

I have contemplated for quite a while opening our home to more kids. Is it the Holy Spirit nudging? I kept telling myself we can't because we don't have a large enough van. I also knew we couldn't fit more bodies around the dining room table. Well...we found a table. It extends to 8' long. So...I continued to think...well we still don't have a van or money to buy one. Then one Sunday I thought (again...was it the HS) turn the family room into a bedroom. So now I am wondering is God testing me? Because I have held onto that family room. It's actually a larger bedroom we turned into a family room. I like it so. It's where the t.v. is. It's where the toys are. It's where all the family pictures are hung. I really like that room. So, is God testing me? Is he waiting for me to step out in faith before he opens the door to blessings? I don't know really. I want to know this is from him. I have so far turned our entry area into a dining room, to accommodate the new dining table. I turned the small dining room into our computer area. I will say it's worked out ok. I not terribly fond of it...but it works. So, I am waiting for direction. If we turned the family room into a bedroom and then by some miracle we get a bigger rig we could take in 2 more kids. TWO more kiddos...two more lives to have love and stability. It makes sense to move forward...but man it's going to be alot of work...and money. We have to have the cable guy come out AGAIN...at a tune of $76...again!!! I would have to consolidate stuff and part with things...which is a little hard but totally doable and wouldn't stop me. So, I am just putting 'it' out there. Pray for direction. Pray for my heart. Pray for Gods Holy Spirit to direct. Pray I don't listen to the Negative Nelly's and let them get me down. I wan to walk in Gods direction.

Thanks for your prayers.

A day at the beach

2010-07-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

We were actually able to escape for a day this week. It was nice. One of my favorite places on earth...the Oregon coast. Lincoln City to be exact. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing which made it quite chilly and the little one didn't like walking on the sand. She is funny about things. So she sat quite a while...which is very much unlike her. Then she rolled around the blanket some and then later she sat in my beach chair. Funny duck. The other two (we only took 3...the other 3 were scatter amongst family) had a great time. They were freezing half the time but would warm up quickly and go off again. The beach we go to has a small river that feeds into the ocean. It's called a river but looks like a small creek. Just perfect for Little ones to play in. We found our beach treasures, got a few sunburns (me) then after a few hours went to dinner at my favorite coastal restaurant....Mo's. The kids ate great. Little MK had clam chowder for the first time and loved it. She also had shrimp but we knew she already loved that. All of them ate well. We then checked out a Pier in a small town called 'Taft.' The kids got to see wind surfers and clam diggers. Lot's of new stuff for them. Headed home and they crashed out. Slept 3/4 of the way home. A nice quiet drive.

It was a good day. Hope to get some more of that action in the next week or two. I need it!!!

Summmmer break.....

2010-07-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

I want to write, I want to share, I want to get on here and spill my heart....but it seems my mind is always a jumbled mass of much! This jumbled mass seems to have difficulty forming a sentence. Difficulty just forming coherent thoughts. Nothing is wrong mind you...I can think but it seems with so much going on, the thinking is on overload and it tends to 'spark' inside this skull.

I enjoy reading other blogs and yet seem to have a hard time doing that even. Facebook....maybe it's facebooks fault. Short little tidbits. Teency bits of information here and there...it seems to fit my mental lifestyle....or has it trained me to find comfort in those teency bits of information? Nah...it's just me.

We have had our bouts with illness'. From strep throat, to colds, to stomach flu. Good times! not!

We are in the middle of the adoption for our youngest. She is legally free...I guess you could say she is an orphan now. Sad that it came to that. Sad her bio Mom wasn't able to straighten things out in her life. Thankful God chose us to raise this baby. Hopefully, and God willing, she will be the newest Porter this summer. I will be glad when it's legal and she is officially ours.

Speaking of summer. Oh how happy I was to think about summer. Couldn't wait for the break. Then it hit and oh how hectic it is. One set of obligations stops for summer and a whole new set starts. I am still enjoying the summer break though. A break from my kids schooling. A break from...well just several things.

I have done some outside work. Some flower planting, blackberry cutting, weeding and I planted 4 tomato plants. This week my husband has vacation and since we don't have the funds to go anywhere we will stay home and put energy into home projects. Yesterday and today we started a carport/storage shed cleaning and reorganization. We have purchased some new (to us) shelving to use out there. Hope to plug up some holes and make it a little more difficult for the pesky rodents to get in. They have ruin enough stuff. I would rather be on a vacation but I am thankful we have a home to spend time at. Very thankful.

Looks at though I will be taking the dreaded trip to Hawaii. Don't get me wrong...Hawaii has been been my dream trip for most of my life. I did a report on Hawaii when I was in grade school and have wanted to go ever since. I have dreamed and dreamed of going there...BUT...now I go for a different purpose. I have been 'enlisted' to go and help my daughter move there. I will be escorting my daughter (the one given to me by God with much prayer) and my precious grandson. I will only be there 3 nights. Most of that will be babysitting while my daughter and son inlaw spend 'time' together. It's a sad journey for me...one that I will spend my return flight fighting back tears. We will be going to Honolulu/Pearl Harbor. I am trying to focus on the good. Focusing on the fact my kids are not in a foreign country. The fact I am only leaving them until we can see each other again at Christmas. I am not losing them to death..MUCH to be thankful for. It is what my daughter wants. All of that should make me feel better...and it does. My heart is broke but at least it's not devastated beyond repair. So I will enjoy the long flight where I can hold, kiss, hug, and wrestle my grandson whom I adore. It will be a time my girl and I can have a few hours to focus on each other. Once there...maybe my little man and I can venture to a sandy beach and enjoy the palm trees and sand and water. Him and I can get a coconut drink and soak up some sun...yeh...that's the ticket!!!
So far this month we had a baby girl turn 13 (sad...very sad! lol) and a baby girl turn 2! Whew...big milestones. I am still always perplexed at how quickly time passes.

Lots on my mind and heart but not much I want to spew out on this blog right now. Trying to keep it light. Life is not light so we can choose to keep all that is heavy and difficult at the forefront or put it aside and move on. Focus on what is good. Not always easy but I have found it does help.

Philippians 4:8
'Finally brothers whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is true, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -think about such things.'

4th of July Pictures

2010-07-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

Geesh...

2010-07-08T12:19:00.000-07:00

I really dislike going so long between posts because I never know where to start....what to share...a little 'writerswhelmed.' .
I will start with facts:
Summer is in full swing. We have bug bites to prove it. Mosquito's are horrible this year. We have gone through 2 cans of bug spray in 2 weeks. I can't imagine those who live this daily.
A few have been to our lovely and local Multnomah falls once so far. Took my youngest kiddo and my youngest grandson. Their first time being there. We had lunch, which my eldest daughter paid for, and then we went and had icecream. A great day.

We had a family bbq at my nieces house of the 3rd of July...my middle daughters birthday. Nice seeing family and getting to hug on my brother. He brought newly acquired pictures of my nephew and some oldies of my siblings. As for my daughters birthday...she turned 13...TEEN. sigh...these kids...they grow up way too fast. She, for one, has been acting like a teen since she was 2 or 3...so there are no surprises. It's just sad that she looks like such a young lady now. She has gotten taller than me....not that it's difficult to do...but still! When she was born, I had her by C'section so we spent the 4th of July in the hospital watching, from the 3rd floor windows people lighting off fireworks. She is so dear to me. She is such a beauty inside and out.
Then we get to 4th of July. It was a little odd since it fell on a Sunday. We had to rise early because every year our church moves the time of our Sunday service one hour. Instead of starting at 11 we start at 10. So that meant we had to get up even earlier, be at church for worship team practice at 9, have church, then kill a couple of hours between church and the service we conduct at the neighboring nursing home. We finished at 2:30 and headed home to spruce up the house, prepare the grill, get the patio area ready and wait for our company to arrive. So, it all turned out great. The weather was cloudy and cool, the mosquito's were lousy but the fellowship with family was sweet. I am blessed to have a great daughter in law...one who happens to have great parents so it is nice when they join us as well.
From our house we can see professional fireworks pretty good that are set off over one of our neighboring lakes. Then my son and his helpers set off our store bought ones. In Oregon any fireworks that fly are illegal, but our neighbors like to purchase the illegal ones in Washington...so we get to see those as well. Quite pretty some of them. I was glad the day was done and we picked up the mess and the family members went home. My husband and I then sat out our patio area and enjoyed a nice backyard fire and the glow of the tiki torches and the few fireworks still going off. Nice relaxing end to a very busy day!
Happy Belated Birthday America. I am so thankful God as blessed us greatly and pray He continues to do so.
I will post 4th of July pics in the next post...easier and faster that way!

A loss

2010-06-20T08:07:00.001-07:00

We had some shocking news in our family the other day. My nephew, the only child to my oldest brother, passed away suddenly. His wife found him on Thursday. He lived in Carson City Nevada. He was only 33.
I am sad at the loss of life. I am sad that the namesake to my dad and my brother is gone. I am sad that the only red headed boy of my parents 16 grandchildren has left us. My greatest sadness is that my brother, my only surviving brother, has lost his baby! His one and only child. The one he was so thrilled and proud to bring into this world. The one he showered with love and gifts. The one who held his heart. It has brought a huge sadness over our family.
My brother and him had been estranged for a few a years and just last month 'friended' each other on Facebook. I was so happy that they had taken this step to healing their relationship...then this happened. It doesn't make sense to me, but I know God knew this was coming. God, I believe, allowed the door to reconciliation to be opened. Though in my mind I think why couldn't they have been allowed time to mend it, to see each other again...while on the other hand I am thankful my brother was given that time to at least connect.
Now my prayers will be for the health of my brother, his emotional and spiritual health. I am praying with all that I am my brothers heart will turn to the Savior. I pray the void that is in his broken heart will be filled with the true and living King.
My nephew, Edward Lee Morris III. Our hearts are broken over you. What a great impact you made on this family when you were born and now an even greater impact with your leaving.

A little down

2010-06-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

I have been a little down, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Hence the lack of posts. I miss posting but mostly I miss reading blogs. It was always uplifting to sit with a cup of coffee and read thoughts and feeling from different women in the U.S. Being down has affected that some along with the interruptions of the little one and the endless lists of appointments and house chores needing to be done.
I really dislike when blogs I get accustom to reading suddenly stop writing (not as much as when they put a password block on it without warning their readers) but never less....I understand when people have lack of time or energy to write...but as a reader I miss it. So I apologize to the few who read (or use to read) mine.
I am hoping in the next few months life within the Porters home will be calm or organized enough to where I can have a routine of reading blogs again.
As for me and my house, we are well. Busy, crazy, noisy and well. Thank you God!
Hope all is well with you.

Gods blessings!
MP

Names in The Lambs Book of Life

2010-05-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

I don't mean to be so neglectful with blogging as of late but it seems so little time and energy. I did have time to catch up on blog reading and once again...Kellys Korner had a 'Show us Your Life' I wanted to participate in....
Your Kids Names....

I have a formal name, Malissa, but my family and friends always called me Missy. So I decided that was what I would do with my kids. Give them formal names with a good nickname.
James Allen - Waaaay back in 85 I had my first child. My first love! I named him James Allen and usually call him Jamie or Jake. He was named after my Grandfather who passed away when my dad was 12. I gave him the middle name of Allen, after my husbands best friend.
Karina Rose - In 1988 I was blessed with a daughter. I was going to name her Alissa...but it just never set right with me. Maybe because it didn't have a nickname I liked. My sister and I sat around the table one day talking about it and she liked the name Carrie. So we played around with spelling and formal names and such and we came up with the perfect name Karina, nickname of Kari. I gave her the middle name of Rose, my Mom's middle name. Love it!
Anastasia Rae - Then several years later I was pregnant with my 3rd child, a daughter. I chose the name Anastasia, yes after the Russian Tsar daughter. As a child I was very fascinated by the story and by the beauty of Anastasia and at the time it was a very unique name. A month after she was born the Disney movie Anastasia came out. Not so unique now, but we could buy things with her name on it. We call her Staci which fits her perfectly. I gave the middle name, Rae....my middle name.
Amelia Renae - Then very soon after and while on birth control I became pregnant with my 4th. I was not happy to be pregnant again but accepted it was what it was. About 5-6 months into my pregnancy my husband left me. I was devastated at the prospect of having a baby and 3 children and working full time. I could not see how I would manage. Some encouraged me to adopt the 4 baby out. But deep in my heart, that was not an option for me. Another name I always loved as a child was Amy. Don't know where I heard it but I named my baby dolls Amy. I then had to decide on the 'formal' name. The one I liked was Amelia. When she was born, she was the cuddliest most affectionate baby I had ever had. She filled a void in my heart...and the name Amy fit perfectly...the meaning is 'Beloved.' Her middle name is Renae. I have a sister and a niece whom I dearly love with the middle name of Rene...so I used that and changed it some.
Phoenix Marie - we are in the midst of adopting our youngest. When she was placed with us I never liked her name. We only called her Baby girl. Now when we say it, it sounds more like a name than a term of endearment. Once it became clear we would be adopting her I started thinking about changing her name. I was excited...spent weeks praying and thinking about it. I wanted God to speak to me about her name. Afterall she ultimately belongs to him. Nothing came...one night I was flipping through a magazine when my niece texted me and one of the things she asked was if I would be changing BGs name. I told her, I think I had come to the conclusion her name would stay the same. About 2 minutes after that declaration I turned a page in the magazine and a full page ad for Phoenix college was there. It said "I am Phoenix!" whoa! hmmmm....could it? Would it? I will take that as a yes. So her name stays Phoenix. Now it's not final and maybe God is testing my faith and he will give me something different at the end...but I am pretty certain this is the name decided for her. As for middle name. She named after her Bio mama and its the same name of my best friends, one who has passed and one who is still living. It's a good name and it keeps her connection with her birth parent. So I am good with that. Phoenix seems to fit her now. When people ask her name it's usually the younger generation who like it....so that's good. She's beautiful and perfect no matter what her name.

Some names I LOVE and would love to have children or grandchildren named;
Alivia and Nathaniel. I could not get anyone to agree to Nathaniel. Nathan..it's a great name and one you don't hear often. Maybe one day....just maybe.
I do believe there may be an Alexis out there for our family.....but that's another story.

As for my adult kids, these are the names they have used for my grandsons and future grandkids. We have a Carter James and a William Arnold. The names they have picked out for future kids....Karson Daniel, Natalie Dawn, Evelyn Fae and Daniele Rose. Good names!

The best thing of all...is for all these names to be written in the Lambs book of life......GLORY!!!

Black, White, Tan

2010-04-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

In 1998 I was pregnant with my youngest (my 4th) and I became a single Mom. It was one of the toughest years of my life. I had no idea how I was going to survive. I was left with a car payment, a mortgage, a credit card bill, a job making $8.50 an hour, 3 kids with one on the way. It was pretty dismal. But God showed up, in a matter of speaking. He was always there but he was put on the back burner so I could 'run' my life. So when I hit bottom, what did I do? I looked up. I asked Him for help. At first I just survived. I would rely on him and then fall back into old habits of relying on myself. But he never let me fall far. I had a healthy beautiful daughter join our family. A daughter who's name means beloved, and that she was! She filled a hurting heart. I then transferred into a different position with a great increase in pay, found a wonderful daycare provider (who is now a dear friend), paid off the credit card with a hefty tax return, met some new friends and grew a deeper relationship with my niece who would hang out or let me hang out with her and all my kids. It was a dark time that lightened in no time at all.

Over the course of 7 1/2 years I, with God's mercy, became a stable God loving person. I had known him since I was 8, gave him my heart. In 1988 I gave him my soul but never fully gave him my life. In 2003 I had given him my life. My 4 kids and I were happy and I was making a living for us. BUT...this heart of a woman felt something missing. That deep seeded feeling of not feeling complete. I would lay out my desires to God. The Desire to share this life with a God loving spouse yet always completing that request with "thy will be done." I wanted what God wanted for my life. I would also qualify it by saying "But if you choose to give me a life partner, this is how I would ask I meet him...just so that I would know he is from you." lol...I know, sound quirky but it was my heart. I had made so many bad mistakes I wasn't going to risk this strong will independent woman making another stupid heart related mistake!

In 2004, I was a member of a very large Portland Area church. I was participating in the music ministry. At this time I was part of the Christmas program, a vocalist in the choir. It was grueling. A lot of music to learn and hours and hours of practice. But it was glorious. I loved it. We had a Friday night service, 2 on Saturday and there would be 2 on Sunday. The first service of the morning went great and I was expecting my best friend Amy to be there. After the service I went looking for her. I was in a hurry for we had 1 more service to finish out the season. As I was coming to the end of the hallway and had given up finding her in the multitude of people I became aware there was someone in front of me and coming towards me, not moving out of the way. I then look up and there was the huge smile. A big man with a bald shiny head and a big smile. He struck up a conversation with me about the music. Before I knew it I was taking his email address (to send him some church info) and just before we parted he asked if he could meet me for coffee. It totally floored me. One I had never been 'asked out' before and second this was what I had asked of my Lord. That if he had planned a spouse for me, I would meet him at church! Well...to be honest I wasn't actually flattered, irritated is more the word. I was there focusing on the worship and here was this guy trying to set a date! But I was cordial. It took me almost 4 weeks before I emailed him. I didn't want to step out of Gods will. I wanted to be sure I wasn't opening a door that God didn't want open and would be difficult to close.

His side of the story is this, when Larry was watching the choir sing he was looking at each member to see who he recognized and that's when he saw me. He said he couldn't take his off of me. "You were glowing..." he said. Then a soft voice in his head told him, "she's the one." He said, "she's the one what?!?!" "The voice said, "she's the one" but he just let it go. After the service he went to leave, he looked up and there I was coming towards him. Out of the 1,000's of people there, what were the odds of me coming towards him? He knew he was suppose to talk to me and that's why he didn't step out of the way.

We did eventually meet for coffee, then later we met for lunch and then we were together as much as possible. We dated a year and then married. We joined our lives and the lives of my 4 kids and his son. After 7 1/2 years of being single, God married me to Larry on January 16, 2005.

It has NOT been all peaches and rainbows...but we are where God has us. We are learning and we are changing. Old dogs can be taught new tricks! We can learn to live Gods way and not our way.

God now has me at home raising our kids, caring for our house, and taking care of business. We have lost two kids to adulthood (while gaining their spouses and grandkids) and added 3 kids to our well blended family, three foster kids. We are in the process of adopting one of them. God had his plan in motion and we have been willing pawns. "Move us Lord where you choose. Keep us in the game until there is a check mate!" If in 1998 if someone had told me where I would be today....I wouldn't have believed them. It's a God story!

Our blended family and our two best friends!

Yep...

2010-04-20T10:04:00.001-07:00

Yep...I'm having a hard time blogging these days. Between going crazy with appointments, reading for state required training, caring for the kids and house I just can't seem to find the time to write. Actually it's more that I can't seem to keep a thought and put it in writing. Scattered thoughts all the time. I even have a hard time reading. My mind flits from one thought to the other. The house is always a mess it seems so it beckons to me constantly.

The weather is getting nicer and I have not worked outside on the other nice days we had until yesterday. I finally worked outside for a couple of hours on Monday. It felt so good. Aside for interruptions, kids asking for snacks or playing with friends and whatever, I was alone outside. Just me and my little messy sanctuary. The birds, the breeze, the train. I enjoyed it. I needed it. It is far from how I would like it to look but it is ours and I enjoy being out there. I miss having a farm. I miss the sounds of cows, chickens, horses, and peacocks. Yes...I had peacocks on my farm. I miss the sounds of pheasants. I loved this time of year. Flowers blooming, baby animals being born, eggs being laid. Farms are exciting in the spring. A drastic contrast to the work that goes into them in the winter. So, yesterday I enjoyed my little spot on this earth. My little back yard. Cleaning off the winter yuck. Praying to God the snacks had not decided to come to visit quite yet. When I got up this morning I had to look out back just to see what it looked like and it looked so much better. A small feeling of accomplishment. But back inside today...computer work and housekeeping.

I miss reading blogs, I miss being able to share whats on my mind or heart by writing on my blog. But I am thankful for my home. Thankful for my family. Thankful that I have ALL I need.
Yep....God is good!

A current picture of my newest Grandson. What a sweetie. So far his eyes are still blue...though both parents have brown eyes. No sign of changing either. That's an exciting treat.

Easter Saturday and Resurrection Sunday

2010-04-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

I am participating in a Blog Hop with 'Where Laughter Lives.' We are sharing pictures from Easter. We had a great Holiday. My adult kiddos, my two grandsons (though the 3 mth stayed asleep in his stroller the whole time...what a good boy)and all my at home kiddos had a great time on the Easter Egg Vacuuming. It's not really a 'hunt' it's always more like a giant kid vacuum. Then Resurrection Sunday each kid woke to a basket partially full of yummy stuff. We had one sick one during the night Saturday night so I stayed home from church with her. Poor baby. So sad she couldn't go to church to wear her new dress. Then hubby came home and watched sick girl while I went to a nursing home with a few of my church family to have church service with the residents. I then went on to my parents house where I met my other kiddos and we had a nice easter dinner. The weather over the weekend was pretty nasty...but nothing too unusual for the Pacific Northwest. Being with my family, my beautiful kids and grandkids is always an honor and blessing.

Resurrection Sunday

2010-04-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

I am one of many to proclaim on Resurrection Sunday 'He is Risen' or 'Christ the Lord is Risen Today' in order to share the truth of my King, my savior. He does not die every year for Easter, He does not lay in the grave. No....I know the truth....Jesus Died once, was buried for three days once, and then rose from the dead ONCE. He took MY sins upon HIM ONCE! I accepted HIM into my heart once....NOW I praise His name daily over and over. I serve others because of Him over and over. I will share about him every opportunity I get. I will share the love of Jesus to all I meet. I will use Resurrection Sunday aka 'Easter' as another way to proclaim HIS truth in every venue possible...because hearts are open. I believe every day of the year...not just on Easter. I believe in the one God sent. I believe The Creator is also our Savior.

Thank you Jesus for loving me/us to give your all. Thank you for saving. Thank you for conquering. Thank you for living. Thank you for loving us still today. Jesus you are Lord. Lord of the Heavens and the Earth. You are Lord of my heart and I THANK YOU!
I believe this every day! I believe! I will sing praises to you on Easter. I will sing praises to you EVERYDAY....because..."I Love You Lord!"

New Homeschooling

2010-04-01T09:52:00.001-07:00

Starting this week we are schooling with a 'Virtual' school. We signed up last fall for a school called 'Clackamas Web Academy,' but the school was full. They had a few openings and asked if I was still interested. YES! I thought it would start this coming fall but no, they started this week. It is totally free, it is based local, they have teachers, and they give each student a lap top. They have labs they can attend and they also have field trips and celebrations together.
My girls love the program so far and they are excited about the get togethers with the other kids. I am excited I won't be knocking myself out to work up lessons, correct work, and walk around feeling like a failure because I didn't work up a lesson or I didn't correct their work. I also don't have to spend 100's of dollars on curriculum (what a rip off...personal note).
It is not Christian based and I know there are those who would have issue with that....and that's ok. I have issue with Christian based companies ripping off Christians with their curriculum. Ok...so anyways. At least they are still at home with me. I can filter what they learn by explaining our side or point of view. They are still home for me to have daily devotionals and bible studies with them. They are still home for me to love them and build them up. I know my God opened the door to this...just at the perfect time. I am very thankful. Now I am praying they are up to the level they need to be....just my insecurity shining through again. I want them to learn all they can and enjoy doing so. I want all my kids to see learning is a joy and not a drudgery. I am not raising my girls to be future wives...I am raising them to be strong, intelligent, secure women of God. That will make them a great wife...if that is what God has planned in their future. Whether they are a Vet, a Doctor, teacher, nurse, cashier, missionary, or mother, they will be loving, gentle, kind, serving, and faithful followers of the Most High God.

Spring Break Coming to a Close

2010-03-27T13:57:00.000-07:00

Sad to say Spring Break is coming to a close. I have loved having the kids home. I have loved having no appointments, no state visits, no morning alarm clock, and no watching the clock constantly. The week went quickly. We didn't have money or time to take a trip out of town so we stayed home and I tried to do something at 3 of the 5 weekdays with the kids.
Day 1 we spent with Papa Larry. Just hung around the house and enjoyed being a family.
Day 2 we went to a new (to us) park in Portland. It's called the Rose Garden Children's Playground. After we left there I took the kids to the Oregon Rose Garden but none of them wanted to get out...so I got out and took a few photos. We picked up Taco Bell on the way home. They were thrilled with that.
Day 3 we went to a new (to us) park in Sandy Oregon. It was awesome. the kids loved it, I loved it and what a beautiful setting. It had a slide the little one loved so I didn't have to spend my time chasing her through the playground. She learned to go up the stairs and down the slide all by herself. She must have made 25 trips down that slide. The bigger kids had plenty of slide and bars, and such to keep them busy. BUT then they discovered the creek. They played in that for 45 minutes or more. On the way home I picked up subs and then we looked and looked for a park to stop at...to avail. Then I spotted a small church with two small play structures and a nice grassy area and one picnic bench. Perfect. The sun was warm and I sat and watched the kids play...now that was nice!!!
Day 4 we went to a new (to us) museum called the World Forestry Center. Had a great time even though the exhibit for that day was 'Reptiles' We then decided to walk next door to the Children's Museum and after some play time there, we went to the zoo. It was rainy, cold, and windy...but we didn't care. We just wanted to hit a part of the zoo we didn't see the last two times (thankful for membership) we were there. We then headed home.
Day 5 We stayed home and had family come to visit. The kids wanted to go...I kinda wanted to go...but the house needed some cleaning and then the 'adult' kids needed mommy time too. Plus I need a grandson fix! So we had a good day of visiting and kids playing outside. I did rent them the movie Planet 51 and bought them Chocolate Chip cookies...so that was a treat.
So we have today, which is half over and tomorrow which is church day and then it's back to school, visits, and .......the same'o same'o....but I guess that's ok. At least that means everyone is well, we still have our home, and nothing has changed.
I am thankful for the time we have had and sooooo look forward to summer break!
Random pics!
*You will notice a couple of kiddos missing from some of the pics. The day we made our trip to the Museums we left baby with Grandma because weather was nasty and we decided to take the city rail line called 'Max.' It's an hour ride each way. Also our oldest son was at his bio mom's all of spring break.

Spring got me!

2010-03-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, so in a previous post "In the air..." I shared how I had no motivation for spring. How I didn't have a desire to even go into my back yard and all the reason for that. BUT...then....the day was sunny, the skies were blue, the yard was dry and it was calling out to us. I came home from a field trip with my 3rd grader and my babysitter (my mom) was there folding some of my laundry. I asked her if she wanted to go outside so we could take the littlest one out to play. She did...of course. My mom loves being outside. So we did...I got two lawn chairs set up and she got the baby's shoes on. We headed out and before I knew it...we working on cleaning up the back yard. Attacking the old fall leaves and the blackberries. We never did sit in the lawn chairs. We cleaned up the yard...it looks sooo much better. Though the grass, what's left of grass, may need help...or not. At least it's easier to see snakes in the dirt than in the grass. The best parts of all of it? The time the my mom and I had to share and the fact my littlest one and the dogs had a GREAT TIME! Then my older and oldest girls show up with my grandsons and...well...it was great being in the back yard with spring like weather!
Thank you heavenly father for the inspiration and the encouragement! I needed that!
p.s. can't post pics...having technical difficulities.

'Smile'

2010-03-18T22:37:00.001-07:00

Just feeling a little emotional tonight...not sure why. So I decided to look through a few of my pics and post some that lighten my heart and make me smile!
Blessings

Blessings

Next step

2010-03-17T22:14:00.001-07:00

We received some documents from the state for the next step of the adoption. We need current back ground checks and we need medical forms filled out. How much I weigh would be covered under HIPAA wouldn't it??? LoL! So I need to get those completed and sent back in. I was told by our caseworker, our certifier has 3 months to gather all the adoption information. It has been one month. I have already put off for a week the completing of the paperwork. I need to get on that!!! I have not received word of the 'show cause' hearing for the bio dad. That happened last Friday. Just curious if he showed up or not....but I guess it doesn't really matter if I know or not. I just need to focus on getting our part done.
I love this baby girl so much. Everyday is a precious gift with her. She is such a character. She makes us laugh every single day. My parents kept her for two nights last week and that is all they have talked about since. They had a blast. She was so good for them which I am so thankful.
We received some great news this week. My two homeschool girls have been accepted into web school...called "Clackamas Web Academy." they will be issued a laptop and they can somewhat work at their own pace here at home. We have been assigned an advisor. They have teaching labs, field trips, and celebrations. The girls are excited. I am a little nervous. Something so new. Sadly I just bought 4 work books for them last week and they have only completed one or two pages in each. Sigh! That's money out the window. That's what I get for not going to the Lord in prayer first. Just being compulsive! When will I ever learn.
The advisor will be coming to our home tomorrow and we will know more then.
Spring break is next week and we can not wait!!! I love when the kids are out of school and hanging at home. I am praying the Lord will open the window of blessings for us next week. I have a couple of activities that won't take any money...just gas money. I am hoping more things will come up. It will be nice.
I am sure I will be posting updates on that...I am praying for all good updates!!!

In the air...

2010-03-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

Spring is in the air. You can feel it coming. People are all abuzz. It only took 2 nicer days to really get people going. Then the temps dropped to the 30's and the rain came. People are starting to hit the 'nurseries' for seeds and soil.

I love Spring but I am just not feeling it yet this year. Our back yard is a mess. We moved into this home in 06. We paid have the yard leveled and planted. We put in a patio area, a small garden area, and worked hard to get everything healthy. It has been nothing but a failure. It's too dark for a good garden, a mole/gopher ran rampant last year, and this year? I have no idea what is back there but there are teeny tiny mounds all through the dirt (use to be grass) and most of the grass is gone. The blackberries have taken over the back fence and the bushes are overgrown. Blah. I don't mind the overgrown bushes and blackberries so much, but the grass? I don't know what the heck is up with that. I had so looked forward to our little one playing back there this year. Sure we can replant but I have to investigate what happened first. So, it's kinda a drag.

Also as I have shared openly MANY times...I hate snakes and our back yard is haven or a rest area for them. Behind our fence is a huge area of blackberries and behind that a train track. So, pretty much a snakes paradise back there. It has gotten to where I can barely stand going back there during the summer because i know I will see one. I am sure there is a Godly lesson in this. Something HE is teaching me and maybe I am being resistant to the lesson. I don't know. I do desire for this creatures not to have any affect on me...but they do. Not sure how to overcome it. So, spring is on it's way and so are the snakes. drag.

I try not to post with a downer attitude so I will end with this. This year I have a little girl who can walk so this year will be a time of learning. It is time for her go and explore more of the outdoors. Where there is dirt, bugs, grass (there are small patches) and leaves, flowers, clouds and such. All things of wonder. Time for her to play until she is wore out! Oh and of course there is the water fountain she will play in. It's small and not a drowning hazard...but just enough water to throw dirt and rocks in. Maybe with her around the snakes won't dare come around. Maybe she will be the guard. The guardian of the Porter property. Should be a lot of pics to post this summer.

Spring break is next week and I can NOT wait. No school for us for an entire week. We can sleep in (at least a little) and we can go and do things. Maybe we will have a day where we can all go outside and do clean up. The kids like helping with that. I am hoping to get to take them on fun outings. The zoo, a children's museum, and such. Most things are financially out of our reach but I am hopeful for a few activities. Even if we can just go to some parks, they would love that.

So spring is in the air....it's just around the corner. Are you ready?

Our history... our present

2010-03-13T08:48:00.000-08:00

Something that has been heavy on mind for some time now is our elderly...more specifically our Widows. I read blog after blog about orphans and adoption but, honestly, I have not read any regarding our charge of widows. I love our older generations. I worked as a CNA at a nursing home (nope not a retirement center...a nursing home!) and the only bright side was caring for and getting to know those who had lived this life and were finishing out their days. The story's they have are beautiful, fascinating, and sad. ALL worth listening to. I still enjoy our older set, but I am guilty of not taking time to get to know them or to minister to them.
In recent weeks the Lord has laid on my heart to start reaching out to them, the widows. Start by writing them a letter. Letting them know they are thought of and how I would love to get to know them. I write one letter a week. So far it has been 2 weeks and the response is....beautiful. I plan to get together with them as time allows. That will be the trickier part...but not impossible. I will make it happen. They are important. They are not used up and useless to society. Their love, their experience, their knowledge is of value...Great value!
I don't do this out of obligation, I do this because God brought to the surface of my heart something I enjoy and I know is so very important.
Take the time to love on our elderly, take the time to love on and assist the widows....even the grumpy and protective ones. Let them not be forgotten or spend day after day alone. See what they need. You are never too old or young to help. No matter how old you are...there is always someone older. No matter how young you are, you can bring life and love into their lives. See how God would move you...it is after all part of HIS great design.
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

Made the mistake...

2010-03-12T06:53:00.001-08:00

I made a huge mistake this morning. I made the mistake of thinking what a nice and easy day it was going to be. Yep...I let that thought creep through my brain for several minutes. I enjoyed the thought of fewer kids at home, no appointments or meetings. Just a free flowing day of little ones, laundry, a few dishes, and some reading. Well that did it...that stepped over the line. Must have been the thought about me reading. No sooner did that pleasant thought bring some relaxation to my body did I hear these words...."my tummy is hurting!" Suddenly the door was closing as quickly as it had opened. The weight falling back onto my shoulders. I spouted some quickly thought up reasons for this 'tummy ache' such as maybe your are just hungry, maybe you need a drink of water, maybe you need me to rub your tummy, maybe I need to send you to Grandmas so 'I' can still get 'MY' day! Ok...I didn't really say that last part
With just 4 words my day has hit a 'U' turn. The one who never gets sick is the one who is. She had even bigger plans than I did. She had a visit with her bio mom after school and then Grandma (my mom) was going to pick her up for a sleepover. Now not only are there tears from her tummy hurting but there are tears for HER day as well. Maybe we should both just crawl back in bed and start over...afterall it was my mistake!!!
Update: After I wrote this, the tummy went away and she went to school. All was well. So all my cyber whining was for nothing! :-)

'The 12 Project'

2010-03-05T23:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes something so basic, so simple, and so amazing comes along. I just read this idea on another blog....'The 12 Project." I love this idea and have already set the reminder on my cell phone!
Every month take a family photo...at the end of the year make a book of the pics! How fantastic is that!?!? I love this blog world!

Blessings!

Peeking through the portal into my day

2010-03-05T07:52:00.000-08:00

Show us your life from Kelly's Korner is featuring what a typical day is like in our lives....

My days have some regularity to them and yet not. Everything can change with just a phone call or text message or the knock on the door. I haven't been homeschooling lately like I should. My brain has seemed to be on hiatus and the girls have finished some of their text books so I am looking to get new ones. I have also been babysitting my 2mth old grandson 3 days a week for the last 3 weeks. That really switches up my day....juggling two babies.
The kids listed by number are not numbered by age. Just numbered by schedule.

6:15 alarm goes off. Potty dogs and I either jump in the shower or go and check facebook until time to wake up first kiddo.
6:30 I wake up kid 1, get her breakfast, check e-mail while she eats. Then I fix her hair.
7:00 send kid 1 to bus. I have prayer time.
7:15 wake up kid 2 and kid 3 usually wakes up also. Help with breakfast, pour myself coffee. Finish email or facebook if not changing, holding or feeding 'baby kid.' All this is always done with interruptions. Which brings me to 'baby kid.'
7-7:30 'baby kid' wakes up. Change her diaper and or clothes if we had diaper leakage during the night. Sit in desk chair and hold 'baby kid' until she is ready to eat. Put in high chair and feed her or recently she has been feeding herself cereal. Give out vitamins. Send kid 3 and baby kid to play or watch t.v.
7:30 wake up kid 5 and 6 (they are the homeschoolers...I wake them a little later so the kitchen and bathroom aren't congested).
8:00 warm up cold cup of coffee. Read blogs or do my make up and hair. make sure dogs are fed by kid 3. Blinds are all opened. Sometimes radio is turned on and or woodstove stoked.
9:00 have prayer and bible study with Homeschoolers. Then either work with them on their studies or get them going on their studies. Bathe 'baby kid' and kid 3 (separately) and get 'baby kid' dressed and ready for the day. If it's a bio mom visit day then I pack diaper bag and get 'baby kid' ready to go. Wait for call from state to see if visit will happen or not. They call by or at 9. 'Baby kid leaves for visit at 9:30 one day and 10:30 another day.
9:30-10:45 work on Kidz Klub lesson or homeschool lesson, keep track of girls progress, help with questions.
10:45 feed kid 3 lunch and ensure he gets ready for school.
11:15 take kid 3 to bus or have homeschoolers take him to bus (tell them this is P.E. lol)
11:30 Clean kitchen, start load of laundry
12:00 feed kid 5, 6 & 'baby kid' lunch.
12:30 lay 'baby kid' down for nap if she is home...otherwise wait for her to return home. Sometimes she will be asleep and will lay down and other times not so much!
12:00-2:40 We finish up our afternoon with home school, laundry, computer work, bill paying, housework, this and that. Sometimes trips to the library or grocery store.
2:40 Kid 1 and 3 arrive home from school. Then it's snack time and homework.
3:45 Kid 2 arrives home from school.
3:45-5:00 time is spent getting snacks, helping with homework, working on computer, finishing some house chores.
5:00-6:00 cooking dinner
8:15 Husband comes home from work, eats dinner, watches t.v., goes to bed.
8:30 Kids 1, 3, and 'baby kid' go to bed
9:00 Kids 2, 5 & 6 go to bed.
9-10 I watch t.v.
10:00-11:00 I am on the computer either for fun or for bills and lessons. Sometimes stay on even later.
There are several times during the day I am playing with the baby, changing the baby, getting snacks for the baby and so on. Letting dogs out and in. Text messaging with my husband, my adult daughter and my daughter inlaw. Talk to or see my mom almost daily.
My chores and activities are flexible....It's the school times and kids visits that are not. I feel I spend ALOT of TIME watching the clock.
My life working with the state includes many phone calls, emails, home visits, and court dates. But I don't mind.
I love my life as a SAHM! I pray I never have to give it up...again.

Addition to last post

2010-03-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

I reread the last post this morning and realized I left out some critical info. I shared how the kids love their parents and their parents love them but what I left out is this. The state did have great reasons for removing these two babes and I know what those reasons are. I didn't want to leave my post sounding like these kids had a great home with great parents and the state stepped in and removed them. I was making a point earlier that the kids were not physically abused, they were not emotionally neglected. There was love there in their foundation. They were are loved. Sadly we as humans make devestating choices, choosing to sin, and those choices have devestating consequences. Many times sin in our lives has consequences that carry on into months, years, and sometimes generations. I hope I can be used by God to help break that cycle.

>God bless the kids in State care.

>God bless the parents who are working at getting on the right track.

>God bless the state workers who are pulled by many strings and are required to jump through many hoops....who many times are 'damned' if they do and 'damned' if they don't.

>God bless the foster parents who are caring and loving on these kids. Who are fostering....morally.

Another chapter?

2010-03-02T07:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we had another 'Caretaker Committee Meeting.' This time it was for the other two foster kiddos in our home. This one was very different for me. I didn't have a sense of desperation like I did with our baby BG. I love MK and LB very much but I feel very torn for them in regards to where they spend the rest of their childhood. They know their parents. They have regular weekly visits with their parents. Their parents love them. These kids had a loving foundation, you can tell by how they interact with us. But the state knows the situation better than I. Since I don't know the past events and I don't even know the current condition of either parent, I will put my trust in the Lord. The Lord has us working with the state, so I must trust the state will make the best choice for the kids. I do know in my heart I would want them to return to their Mom if living conditions were ideal, but if they can not return to either parent I know I desire for them stay part of our family. So, going into the meeting yesterday I had a calmness this time. I presented our case to them...our home...our family....our routines. Plans we would make to keep them a part of their bio family and then we stepped back and let them decide. They agreed we are the best placement for the kids IF they do not return to their mom or dad. The 'if' in that statement is pretty big. It is unknown at this point if they will be returned or not....but at least we know, if they are not returned they will stay with us. Another chapter will be written. That is great news!

So now the waiting (on our part) begins. We wait to see what the parents do. We wait to see what the state does. We wait to see how the attorney's work it out. We just wait and what I love about all of that? I'm totally fine with waiting. I feel so at peace. I'm not concerned either way. OH how I desire to feel this way about every aspect of my life. It is a great feeling...it is so freeing! It is the way it should be in our life. This is how God desires our faith to be.

So, we wait. We love on these kiddos. We continue on as a family. We focus daily on the day that is at hand. We praise God! We wait on the Lord!

A new addition

2010-02-26T19:05:00.001-08:00

I would love to say it's a new baby, a child, a new (to us) 12-18 passenger van...but hence, it is not. It's a new pet for my daughter. We didn't need anymore pets and I especially never wanted a 'reptile' but...this one was free with the entire set up. So...how could I say no? In response to that question my Mom would tell me "just say NO!" haha...but I guess that's just me. I do know for a fact there is one creature that will never be in our home, invited, and that is a snake. But I bent on this one....we now own a Fat Tailed Gecko named.................drum roll please:

'SPYRO'

Random Pics

2010-02-24T08:44:00.001-08:00

Want to post...can't seem to find the time or focus to do so. I have deleted 3 postings because they sound too whiny or boring. So...I decided to take an easier route and just post some random pics. Pics of a birthday party, a visit to the Oregon Children's museum, the Oregon zoo, Valentines day, and a few favs.
Blessings on all who stop by to take a gander!

Random pics.

2010-02-24T08:30:00.000-08:00

Top, R to L

All the kiddos at the Oregon Zoo, A, S and AC, BG playing in the sandbox for the first time, AC and BG playing an African Drum.

2010-02-19T22:51:00.001-08:00

This week has been full of heartfelt heaviness. I won't go into detail but there are several family members that are struggling with huge issues, it is so heavy to carry in your heart. I pray, I try to release, but the heaviness stays...always reminding me to pray. As the week drug on the issues put on weight...by today I could have stayed in bed all day...if it wasn't for all the kiddos getting me going each day. Praise be to God for those major distractions! Then came the end of the week...ahhhh Friday. I still love Saturday even though I don't work out of house. Friday came and we had been invited to my son and his wife to their house for dinner. They invited her parents, my Mom (Grandma) and me and my family. My adult daughter was also there. It was a great time...it was a GREAT way to end a hard week. We laughed and talked and ate and watched the kids have a great time. So...a giant thank you to my father in heaven for that blessings. For bringing to a close a difficult week and for ending it with a great dose of LOVE! I needed that!!!
forgot the camera or there would, of course, be pics to post!!! sigh!

Ways to help

2010-02-12T08:23:00.000-08:00

I am a reader/fan/stalker of the The Livesays Blog. I began reading their blog just after the floods in Haiti's. I had never been interested in Haiti's until I started reading their blog. Then I became intrigued. I then started reading the blogs of women who were in the Gi-normous game of waiting to adopt a child from Haiti's. What a crazy (ahem) system. But then it happened, actually one month ago today, the earthquake brutalized Haiti. I did not hear until the next day and when I did I went right to their blogs to see if they were ok...or if the adopters knew their children were ok. It's been intense to read along as they have struggled to survive their ordeals. My words make it sound so trivial and minor...I recognize that it was not and still isn't.

Today Tara posted names of smaller organizations you can help....check them out!
Real Hope for Haiti
The Apparent Project
Providence Ministries
Joy in Hope

We were CHOSEN!

2010-02-07T23:05:00.000-08:00

We attended the 'Caretaker Committee Meeting' this last Friday and after a half an hour interview, and then a half an hour wait...we were notified that we were approved for the adoption of our youngest. Praise be to God! We are so happy. I do not look forward to the adoption hoops we will be going through but it's ok. She will be OUR daughter and she will have a permanent home that is stable, loving, safe, and loves the Lord!

We are doing the happy dance!!!

I better stock up on a lifetime supply of popcorn!

A Dear Friend

2010-02-01T08:47:00.000-08:00

Last week I received news of the passing of a dear friend. She was so dear to me. She was one of the greatest people to have ever walked this earth. I loved her so much. She was so good to me. She made me feel so loved, she would make me laugh so hard, she took me on some great adventures! She left this earth too soon. The hardest part of it all? Not knowing if I will ever see her again. It causes such a deep sadness. I miss her and I will continue to miss her. I hope she knew how much she meant to me! I tried to make it clear....I hope it was!
You will be missed by so many Lynda....you left us too soon! I love you and I always will.

Lynda Kae Heathman

April 22, 1947 - January 18, 2010

A loss for words?

2010-02-01T08:19:00.001-08:00

Could I really be at a loss for words? No...not really. Just at a loss of time and energy to have organized thoughts that I can put down into words.

The week last week was oh so busy and not just usual busy. Some big stuff such a lawyer making a home visit, certifier coming to inspect our home, court hearing....and such. So I was pretty taxed this weekend. But today...today is a huge day. Today we go before a committee to see if they would agree we are a good placement for our foster baby. I know this is in God's hands. I know God already knows the outcome. I know God knows what is best for this precious baby girl and knowing ALL that I am still nervous. Things come to my mind such as...will they think we are too old. Will they think we are too unhealthy because we are overweight. Will they think we couldn't handle another child financially. What if God doesn't think we are the best for this little girl. All those thoughts just wretch my heart. She is a part of this family through and through. She is a part of my heart just like the other kids. The thought of not being a part of her life anymore seems to be more than I could stand. BUT again...I know God is in control so I must release it to Him...I must. I trust in Him and I have NO control or power over the situation.

So this afternoon, my husband and I meet with 3 committee members, the caseworker, the certifier, and I don't know who else. It will be nerve wracking being put on the spot with questions...so I ask God for wisdom and peace. Today will be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives..one way or another. I am praying God would grant us this gift. I pray his mercy on us but above all things, desires, or thoughts I pray GOD'S will be done!

UPDATE:
We met at the office and was informed due to a "technical problem" the 3rd committee member was not there. That was the "technical problem." so we had to reschedule. Though disappointed...I trust that God had other plans for whatever reason. Maybe the first person who was scheduled to be on the committee wasn't the 'right' person...who knows, but God and He is all I care about! It's His baby...we are His children...and this is His plan. So we will meet on Friday morning....God Willing!

Please help Mekdes Shimeless

2010-01-30T10:06:00.000-08:00

After reading my dear friend Heathers blog....I wanted to try and do a little more to help....hence this post.
Please read the post about 'Mekdes' and see how $much$ God would have you give.......

Pray for Daniel.

2010-01-20T08:19:00.000-08:00

So, I have a son...no a step son....well actually a nephew who I consider a son. In 1983, just a week or two after graduation I became an instant mom to 3. A young girl who never even had to clean her room, didn't really know how to cook, but here I was a Mom! The youngest was a beautiful blonde haired boy...9mths of age. The situation wasn't right, or was it righteous, but it was what it was. Sadly we can't change the past. It wasn't the easiest of times but they were beautiful times. The baby was beautiful and stole my heart. His name was/is Daniel. He was such a good baby. He was however pretty sickly. He had the worse sinus problems and I knew NOTHING, I did my best to care for him. He would wake up every night miserable. I would hold him until he could go back to sleep. I taught him to walk, to potty, to talk, to tie his shoes and so on. He was such a sweetheart. Always so good. As a young boy he really got into being a cowboy. He loved to wear his cowboy hat, help us on the farm and that boy was such a good worker. He would work hard and work for hours. He showed pigs at the county fair...one year taking best in show and best in showmanship. It was a good year. He made over $300 that year.

Then the ugly side of life happened. His parents made bad choices. His mom (being me), got too self centered and gave up on marriage. It was a dark time. When I went my way I took my 2 biological kids and wanted to take Daniel...but I wasn't allowed. I tried so hard but hurt and anger took a selfish stance and wouldn't allow it. So, now not only had Daniel lost his first mom..he lost his second one too. To make a long story short, Daniel took a nose dive and there was nothing I could do to help. My hands had been tied. My hands are still tied. This is the condensed version.

After many years of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and living life on the edge...Daniel the sweet cowboy, turned broken man, landed in prison. Oh how my heart broke. Many days and years I have cried over that boy, unable to do anything...but pray...and now the ugly consequence to those choices. State prison. I would lay in bed and cry and cry over him. Sad and scared of what would happen to him there. Sad over my choices that started this ugly snowball. So I have prayed and continue to cry.... but I hold hope. Hope for him and his future. I pray with all that I am that God has spoken so loudly to Daniels heart that his heart has changed, I beg God that Daniels broken heart is healed.

Why do I write about this today? Because today is Daniel's release date! He gets out early. Praise God. I am so thankful and yet nervous. I feel so desperate for him. I so hope this road is one that he will experience true freedom. Freedom from hurt, anger, and rejection. A road He has chosen or will choose to walk the Almighty God and it will be full of joy and peace and freedom.

I am not a part of his life still...that has not been allowed by his jealous and selfish bio's. But I have written him letters. I sent him pics and told him how much I love him. So I will be happy he is out. I will be hopeful for his future. I will continue to pray. I will continue to love him with all my heart. I will watch him from the sidelines and know that he was my first born....he was born of my heart!

Pray for him....Pray he gets the start he needs. Pray he gets a job. Pray he keeps housing. Pray his heart has heard or will hear God and pray his life will be lived for his savior. Pray for that little cowboy turned handsome renewed man. Pray for Daniel.
Pictures to come later
p.s. as I was writing the list post....I received a pix message...Daniel is out. Praise God

Growing Up=Growing Old?

2010-01-20T07:56:00.000-08:00

Some special kids in my life...I look at these two pics and think what the heck? How did they get so old and I stayed so young!?! Ha...right! Them getting older means...I'm getting older. Don't they understand that? Don't they know they need to STOP!
I love these kids. They mean so much to me. The first pic was taken about 7 or 8 years ago...the second pic taken on this last Thanksgiving! The first pic they were still in school and being footloose and fancy free. Pic two they each have (or going to have) at least one child...my what a few years changes in the lives of people. I know that from my life alone....I was a single working mom of 4...today I am a SAHM with a husband and 6 kids. A few years from now? Who knows??? Oh...there is someone who knows.....

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

Not much...

2010-01-20T07:46:00.000-08:00

Isn't much happening these days in the Porter home that I would want to take time to repeat on this blog, but I did just want to post something.....anything.
I am blessed beyond reason. I have a nice home and such beautiful kids. My husband is a work in progress which is better than a husband who has settled to stay the same. My parents are wonderful and I have a great extended family. Oh have I mentioned that all my family have homes...and we all have food, water, and clothing. I praise God for that.
These days we are working (the husband that is) and we are schooling, we are going to school, we are practicing piano, we are going to church, we are in Kidz Klub and Youth Group. We are in the process of going forward in the adoption of our youngest. We are still working on reunification for the other two. We are praying for Haiti's. We are praying for orphans. We are taking each day as it comes and God willing, we will have tomorrow to try and get it right again.
He never gives up on us. Praise God.

Deuteronomy 31:8b "He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Drafts....

2010-01-17T16:07:00.000-08:00

I have several posts in the drafts of my blog. I start out full steam and then fizzle out. Sometimes because I start off whining and then decided it's too whiny to share or as I type I realized the message was meant for me! Many reasons I don't always finish a post...then something happens...a mass devastation, and it makes everything I was writing about so unimportant.
HAITI...a country and had never given much thought, until I stumbled on some blogs. This last year I have been following a Haitian missionary family and some parents in the US who are in the process of adopting. What was just a far off country with little meaning to me became a source of curiosity and enjoyment. Getting to know the bloggers and seeing what Haiti's was like. Riding the emotions of the bloggers from stories of their homelife or stories of adoption or stories of ministry. All of it trapped my heart. So much so that a day and half after the earthquake happened...I found out about it....and fear gripped my heart and tears stung my eyes. People I don't truly know...people I felt connected to in a weird cyber way...were possibly dead, injured or trapped. Even those who were in the midst of adoption...oh how my heart ached for them. I couldn't open the blogs fast enough or look at stories online quick enough. I am so glad they have survived...but I know their suffering is not over.
So much to pray for....they do not know me and probably never will but I will pray for them as much as I can. I can NOT even imagine what it is like. I can not imagine no medical care for my children. I truly can not comprehend what it would be like to sleep outside with my children because our house was not safe. I can NOT imagine what it would be like to not be able to give my children food or water. In less than a minute to have my entire world turned upside down.

Money and prayers.....nothing more I can do. Remember to pray even after the news reports stop reporting. Man...this is huge...but God is much bigger.

'Firsts'

2010-01-09T23:42:00.000-08:00

I am an older mom. I have been down many roads and have been going down different roads for many years. There isn't much I haven't been through yet in my life or the lives of my children. I have raised 3 step kids who are all adults now and have their own children. I have two grown children who have started their families as well. I still have several at home of various ages. So I have experienced and witnessed many things. But this I know...when your child is going through something for the first time...you have to be there for them %100. It's not always easy believe it or not, but worth it. I can't tell you how many teeth I have had to pay for but with each one I have to have excitement for that child. I can't tell you how many homemade gifts I have recived...countless...but each one is the greatest gift of all time. I'm tired these days and my enthusiasm is waning....but I give it my best. I show them this is the single greatest moment of all time.

Tonight...my step son 'A' went to his first formal. He is a High School Freshman. It was planned in December but due to poor weather it was canceled, so it happened tonight. Now in my heart I wasn't real excited about him going to a dance we spent too much on tickets, dress shirt, shoes, tie and portraits...but it's his first and so, I had the camera out taking pictures like I had never done this before. I sent him off with a smile on his handsome face. I listened to his stories when he came home and I will ooo and awwww over his pictures when we get them. Because this is his life, his time, his 'firsts.'

There are some first though, my heart will be deeply grateful for. Firsts that nothing can compare to and that is when each of my children, grandchildren and great grand children come to know Jesus as their savior. When they make that commitment and then go forward and get baptized. That will be 'firsts' I will never and can never tire of. Those are the 'firsts' I pray for. All these many 'firsts' are fun and exciting but are not eternal. The first time they can truly understand the saving grace of our Lord...that is eternal. A first forever.

So i will enjoy their 'firsts' and I will pray and hope and wait in anticipation as they have their names written in the 'Book of Life.'

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that who ever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life"...John 3;16

Cousins Meet

2010-01-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

My Son James, My Grandson Carter my Daughter Kari, and my newest Grandson William

The other day my son and his family came home from a long vacation. They finally met the newest addition to our family. What a beautiful set of kids......so dear to my heart. If only I could lock them in my heart and keep them there to keep them safe! Multitude of prayers......

2010

2010-01-01T10:08:00.000-08:00

Holy cow...is it really a whole year since last New Years? I can not believe how fast 2009 flew by...but I am not sad to see it go. It was a pretty rough year. So, it's a new year a fresh start. Who knows what this year will bring. My hopes are....in no particular order...just my random thoughts.

1. The baby in our home becomes our legal child.

2. Two of the other children in our home will be reunited with their bio parent/s and if not, that they too become our legal children.

3. My husband and I would attain a good grasp our finances.

4. My marriage would become what it should be in Gods eyes.

5. We would have an abundant and overwhelming drive to eat healthier.

6. I would regain organized control over my home and homeschooling.

7. Singing ministry would finally take root.

8. My adult kids would get stable in their finances and their homes.

9. Grow and strengthen my prayer life.

10. My husband would stay on the path....

11. My children would stay healthy.

There are many things...but this is a good start to that 'Hope List!' So 2010 is here...let's get rolling...God is on the move....

The new babe...

2009-12-29T10:23:00.000-08:00

So our Sweet William has experienced many first in few short days with us. Christmas, meeting family, going home, and as of today...his first snow. Our precious boy is healthy and happy. "Thank you Father for the blessing of a new life. Thank you for giving him the breath of life. Thank you for blessing our life and our family with this new little boy. Bless him oh God with Guidance, wisdom, health, happiness and love. May he live a long life, one full of Family, Friends, and LOVE!"

William A. H.
Getting ready to go home from the hospital

Meeting his aunts and uncle

A big ending

2009-12-29T10:04:00.000-08:00

So our year here in the Porter house is ending with a big bang! Not only did we get a new grand baby but we also got a new son in law. My daughter, the new mommy, married her love on Monday the 28th. Our pastor conducted the ceremony. It was quiet, small, and yet sweet. My poor hurting girl (remember, C section just on the 24th) after a crazy morning, came hobbling into the church to put on nylons (which she ran in the process) and a pretty black dress she bought while pregnant. The husband to be came in, threw on his Navy uniform and realizing he forgot the white shirt that goes under it (and show at the top) and his dress shoes. But they did it...they became husband and Wife.

Meet Mr. and Mrs. Hernandez...

The circumstances for which any of these past events in their life happened may not have been of Gods design, but I know God can turn all things around. I know He can use these past events and ones to come into eternal life changes. I know that God can & will use them for his Kingdom purpose.

'My Father...MY God and Savior, I ask you to bless this new marriage and this new family with your Love, Grace, Mercy, Wisdom, and peace. I pray they would follow you and your will all the days of their lives. I pray they rest in you and your provisions. I pray their days would be filled with love! God bless Raul, God bless Kari, God Bless William! In Jesus Name...Amen'

My favorite day of the year...

2009-12-24T22:17:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve....this has always been one of my favorite days of the year as far back as I can remember. That's the night we would attend church and be reminded of the sacrifice of our King...being born part human in a lowly state. The night I would receive earthly gifts like Baby Dolls, Barbies, nightgowns, slippers and such.....BUT today I received one of the greatest gifts...a treasure really! Today in a hospital in Portland Oregon my grandson.....

William Arnold

arrived at 1:15 via C'section. Too precious for words. Tons of black hair. It was a grueling labor towards the end but all turned out well. She is now laying comfortably in her hospital bed, holding her first truest love and enjoying every moment.

Here he is....prebath...better pictures later.....

Waiting....

2009-12-22T09:26:00.001-08:00

Still waiting for the grandson to arrive...looking more and more like a Christmas baby? I will suffice it to say 'she is HEAVY with child.' Waiting for Christmas to arrive....I can wait, the kids barely can. I love the week before Christmas. It's so full of excitement and joy (ok...for many or for some). I enjoy the lights and the warmth of the decorations. I love receiving cards. It makes it a joy (the only time of year) to go to the mailbox. I love the music...it plays 24/7 in our home. I quite often find the kids playing around the Christmas tree. Not with it but around it...with Barbies or Batman or whatever...they just enjoy being near the tree. Enjoying the soft glow of the lights. Waiting to see what comes of the trials God has allowed us to be in the midst of. Waiting on the Lord....sometimes it's a joy...sometimes it 'longsuffering' that I have faith will turn to joy.

Random pics of recent......

Christmas Party and the arrival of our Sailor...My girl is very happy. Her love will be here for the birth of their son...um that would be MY grandson (teehee)!

Win an HP

2009-12-09T20:02:00.000-08:00

Kelly's Korner 'blog' is a pretty amazing blog. Such fun and interesting stuff to read and pics of her gorgeous family. NOW she is recieving amazing products to review which and has turned into give aways. Today her post is an HP giveaway...go check it out. Yep I am posting about this to increase my dim odds of winning one....but not like I haven't posted about Kelly's blog before. There are others, like Boomama on her blog giving away an HP also. So....here we gooooo.......

Soon....

2009-12-09T08:25:00.000-08:00

My 'adult' daughter K is expecting my grandson on the 27th BUT...just last week I told her I 'felt' like she wouldn't make it that long. I have felt she would have him early. We went to her check up on Monday and she is dilated 2cm and her cervix is thin...sooooo....I'm thinking our little guy will be here way before Christmas. The dad is still in training at Great Lakes Illinois and will be coming home on the 18th but I don't think my grandson will wait for that date either. I know this is a heavy burden for them because they so want to share the end of her pregnancy together and especially the delivery...but as we know...these babes make their debuts when the heavenly father says it's time. So this 'Nana' is on alert. The baby shower is Saturday so it would be respectful of the little guy to wait until that's over but if not I'm ok with that. I'm ok with all of it...it's those pesky parents who want plans to go as....welllll...um planned.

So....soon I will be posting pics of my new little precious guy. The newest love of my life....so stay tuned.....

Shortcomings

2009-12-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

The last few writings I have posted have been kinda trivial...probably just because I wanted to just focus on simpler stuff, but it's not because there isn't heavy 'stuff' on my mind and heart.

Daily I 'work' at keeping my focus Godly. The waves just keep crashing in...pounding. Then there comes the rogue waves. They can be killers but fortunately I have my life vest on. Jesus keeps me afloat. Doesn't mean I don't get big ol' doses of salt water in my face but He keeps me from sinking.

What has been hard this week, and it's not the first time, is the weariness of treading . Oh how I want to be free....free falling! Just floating through the air knowing that I have 100% confidence in the one who gave His life for me. The one who suffered unbelievable torture and pain. The trials I suffer are NOTHING compared to what others suffer....NOTHING! My kids are not starving, my kids are not ill and dying. My kids drink clean, clear water. We are not living on the street or in a homeless shelter. We are not being woken at night with bombs exploding. We are free to worship our God openly....and yet I allow the trials I suffer to rock me to the core. I have faith, I speak faith, and yet in my inner most being I can not always REST in this faith.

BUT each day I hold onto the one who created me...that each day, each year the faith I have fills me fuller and reaches deeper and deeper inside of me. Someday I know I will attain that level of faith I desire....that day will be the day I then breath my last breath and then come into the presence of my savior. The 'race' will be finished.

Just this morning this is the Scripture the Lord brought me to:

James 1: "Consider it pure joy, my brother, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

The testing of faith is what develops perseverance. I want to be mature...in Jesus. I want to lack nothing. Full peace. Full freedom.

So as I wrap this up...what appeared to me as my shortcomings are actually my immaturity in my faith. That each time I find my self splashing around in a trial and feeling like I should be stronger..., it is then I am persevering through and gaining strength...I am gaining maturity. What I see is I am not expected to be perfect out of the gate, I am to take each trial and allow it to build me up "consider it pure joy." The joy is not the trial but the next rung we take in getting through that trial by our faith. Faith in the Father, Faith in the Savior, Faith in the Holy Spirit. The faith that we are saved by GRACE!

Ephesians 2:8 "For it is by Grace you have been saved, through faith and not from yourselves it is the GIFT of God, not by works so that no one can boast."

A gift...it is through the Grace of God we have been saved eternally. The faith we have in that...in HIM is what gets us through. Persevere through the trial with Joy because we know God has saved us...what more do we need aside from eternal life? Nothing!
NOW...... Now I need to meditate on this truth day and night....before during and after the 'trial.' Meditating on it until it reaches my core and replaces my insecurities. Reaches my fears.........until it fills me up and overflows!

"I've got the Joy Joy Joy down in my heart.......to stay"

Great Game but moving on...

2009-12-05T07:53:00.000-08:00

So the Civil War game was fantastic...we knew one of the Oregon teams would be going to the Rose Bowl....we were neck to neck the entire game and then.....our top receiver was injured...broken leg! Poor guy...his senior year too! So long story short...we lost but not by much. 33-37.....I love Oregon so I am happy at least one of our teams will be going to the Rose Bowl. It was a fun night with family and a great game night for Oregon. That will be the last of my football talk for the year.....now on to Christmas!!!!

I LOVE Christmas! I am not a huge decoration fan....maybe I am just too lazy to set it all out just turn around and put it all away again. I love to look at them though. I had a fake tree for a few years...LOVED IT...then I remarried and he insisted on a real tree. We have had some great times going out to the tree farms and picking out a tree (we never go to the same farm) and cutting it down. The kids have loved it but to be honest....I miss the fake tree. No mess...you can put them out as soon as you want and leave up as long as you want. No fire hazard and once the initial cost is over...it's free. My husband came to me and said this would be the last year of the real tree...so now I will be on a mission to find a nice fake tree. The kids were bummed but they will see how fun it can be.
I love Christmas for the music, the movies, the lights, the love. The Christmas story is the most beautiful story. I have loved it since I was a kid and still do. It amazes me the faith Mary had to accept Gods will for her. How scary to think you will give birth to a child though you are a virgin and especially in those times when women would be stoned for looking at a man who was not their father or husband....twice. But she willingly accepted Gods plan for her. God chose her out of the entire universe to carry his son. Wow...and as the prophet said, a knife would Peirce her own heart as well....
So, Christmas is coming and the Christmas music is already playing in our home...just about every room actually. The kids have their radios tuned into the local Christian station who started playing Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving. It's great, we love it.
This month has started off hard...but I will not give up my faith in Him and His plan for our life. For a young virgin girl who was visited by an angel said "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered "may it be to me as you have said." indeed, may it be as you have said Lord.

Civil War

2009-12-03T09:32:00.000-08:00

So I'm not a huge sports fan. I do enjoy sports if one of my kids is participating or if I am watching the Americans win in the Olympics but other than that...nope. It's just annoying noise on the tv. BUT there is one time a year I enjoy football on TV and that is 'CIVIL WAR' time. That is when Oregon State University Beavers vs University of Oregon Ducks! We have a couple in the family who are Duck fans and a couple who are Beaver fans. Well, today is the day. Today is Civil War so i have plans to gather the 'huz,' the 'boy,' and myself and duke it out in the family room. The huz and I have a bet even....we win a 2 hour uninterrupted nap if our team wins. Big stakes!

So this evening will be the annoying noise of a TV football game on and the sound of my huz and son whining in defeat and me yelling with victory as the BEAVERS conquer the field!!!

!Go OSU!

Looking for....

2009-11-29T22:48:00.000-08:00

I thought about posting about family traditions, and I don't think there is much I can add to traditional Christmas except to say we have a nice dinner on Christmas Eve, a beautiful Christmas Eve service at our church where I sing 'O Holy Night' and then we come home to open presents. On Christmas morning the kids' stockings are awaiting them full of goodies and surprises...usually too heavy to hand on the mantel. BUT....this does bring me to my posting. For several years I have had stockings for myself and 4 of my kids that was home made and given as a gift to us. They are knitted and personalized with our names on them. Each stocking has a different picture on them. Through the years things have changed. I am remarried, I have a step son, each of my adult children have significant others, I have one grandchild and one on the way and 3 foster children. We so would love to have personalized knitted stockings for all the newbies! I can not find anyone who can knit them.
SOOOOOO...this post is more of a request...do you or someone trustworthy you know, know how to knit these and could make me some? Of course i am willing to pay for them if I have great references about them. I thought it was worth a shot......My adult kids love them and really want some for 'their' new families.
So, shoot me a reply if you can help out with this 'Family Tradition.' Here is an example of the stockings. In this pic they are full of goodies and laying on a couch...not the greatest quality pic but gives you an idea.

What I am Thankful For and What I Would Be....

2009-11-25T12:02:00.000-08:00

Wow....it truly is not an easy task to document what a person is thankful for....truly thankful for. We go from being thankful for our home to being thankful for water and sooo on but the truth is...I am thankful for my home and I am thankful water....oh so very, deeply thankful. So I will give a run down.....these are in now way in order of thankfulness.....

Jesus
The Bible
My parents
My grandparents, though they have all gone 'home'
My kids
My home
My dogs
My husband
Jobs
The State of Oregon
Clean yummy water
Clothing
Our wood stove
All the free wood my husband has gathered
My siblings
My nieces and nephews and the greats too
My grandson and the grandson on the way
Education
Books
Washer and dryer
Showers
Hot water
Missionaries
International orphanages
Humanitarian organizations
Thanksgiving Dinner
so see the list could go on and on....life is amazing!

There are a few things I WOULD be thankful for....

Self control with eating and exercise
Spouse who would get on track and stay there
Vacation to Hawaii

AND this one...especially in honor of Thanksgiving!

No TV on Thanksgiving.

I can not express enough how sad it is that this country has allowed a beautiful holiday to be tainted with something so trivial as football. How a lovely family day is torn by the obsession with football. That is NOT family time. Never has been and never will be. But it isn't going away....except in my house. Football is not allowed on Thanksgiving...many in my family are THANKFUL that Thanksgiving is NOT held at my house. hahaha
So...that's my rant on that!

So much to be thankful for...so much! which that in itself makes me so THANKFUL!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

"The Lord is my Strength and my Shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for Joy and I will give thanks to Him in song." Psalm 28:7

"That my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." Psalm 30:12

Thankful

2009-11-24T08:03:00.000-08:00

Created and provided free by Rich Gifts

My Mutts

2009-11-20T08:51:00.000-08:00

Today on Kellys Korner she is highlighting pets. Ahhh that's near and dear to my heart. I want to share about a couple of my fourlegged friends. I have always loved animals and as a child I dreamed of the day I would get my very own dog. I was dog deprived growing up so I feel my love for dogs comes from my parents depriving me of mans best friend when I was younger (I had to blame someone! haha) As soon as I moved out of my parents house I got a puppy. I was young, inexperienced and broke. The puppy was free, adorable and dead within a year. That's what happens when you don't get them immunized. So I have had hard lessons to learn....many lessons over the years. have had many friends over the years and I have enjoyed them all. They gave me laughs and happiness and have taught me lessons, but I am going to post about my best friends. I will tell you about my two best friends Dolly and Sirion. Dolly was a mutt (a mix) Sirion however is a purebred dog...I just like to call him a mutt to keep him humble.
In 1992 I went to the Greenhill Humane Society in Eugene Oregon looking for a new buddy. I took my oldest daughter, who happened to be my youngest at that time, and we walked along the kennels looking at the beautiful faces of lost dogs....waiting for their new families to arrive. I heard a yipping coming from a kennel not too far down the row. There sat, as pretty as you please, a little black, year old dog. I checked her out and moved on....the yipping started again. We went back and there she sat all proper. Every time we walked away she would start jumping and yipping. Well....she stole my heart. It took us a week (due to paperwork and stuff) to actually adopt her and bring her home. We kept the name she came with because she was such a doll. She was a chihuahua mix...though she didn't look like a chi. She became my shadow. She was where I would be. We made a few moves over the years, living on a farm (she LOVED to chase the bunny's and look for mice) then back to the city, where she loved to ride in the car and to be held. She was spoiled her last few years of life by me and my parents. She loved going to visit at Grandma and Poppy's house. She was worse than the kids at getting excited to go there. She even had her own bed with big blankets there...they kept treats for her and she ruled their roost. I would let her out of the van, she would head down the sidewalk as fast as she could go...leash free...and right to their door. Also, she would wait for those moments when Poppy would go to put his socks on...she would burst with excitement and start biting at his feet because she knew that meant "bye bye" with Poppy.

In 2006 I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. I decided it would be best to put my best friend to sleep. She was nearly blind, her back was humped due to arthritis and we had potty issues. I went alone. I held her. I cried for her. It was done. She was 14 years old. I prayed and prayed that last year that I would wake up one moring and she wouldn't....but she held on and held on. Oh how I didn't want to make that decision...but I did...I had to. She was a doll. She had been through alot with me and I hated for it to end...but it did. I had her cremated and she sits on my shelf now with her collar and a picture of better days. Weird I know...something I would never have dreamed of doing...but one never knows what one will do! She was a joy, she was a heartbreak...she is a great memory. She was and is missed.

But now (I have to wipe my eyes) onto my current love. Sirion...my handsome buddy. In 2007 we had 3 kids, the worlds greatest cat, a belligerent, drooly Great Dane and a new home. For SOME reason I felt the need to add to our family. I started scanning the internet for a new dog. I spent a couple of months looking and praying (yes praying) and nothing struck my fancy. One day I was looking at the website of our local animal control and I saw this pathetic looking Weimeraner. Those type of dogs had never been my favorite...for one thing I never could pronounce the name! and this one had been starved. He was nothing but literal skin and bones. I felt so sorry for him but passed him by. I didn't seen anything that made me want a second look. The next day my husband and I were driving along when out of the blue he said want to go to the animal control and look at dogs. I almost skidded off the road. He was not in favor of another dog...but I did not miss my chance. So away we went. The second kennel we came to was the emaciated Weimer named Beau. Poor guy I thought. Then he looked me in the eyes and my heart leaped. But I moved on. We saw a couple of beautiful dogs and potential ones...but my husband and I were drawn back to the Weimer. We spent half an hour in there looking at him and talking....then another 15 minutes discussing the issues about him. He wasn't neutered, he was an adult, they had no history on him, would he be food aggressive. So many negatives...but I can't explain the draw I had to him. No I wasn't a sucker...there literally was a draw to him...something I couldn't ignore. Trust me I know when I am compulsive and when I have purpose.

We headed to the desk to inquire about him and was told someone had a hold on him. Ok...well that's good and started to turn away when a supervisor asked who had a hold on him. The clerk said someone in Seattle called and wanted a hold put on him. The supervisor said, forget it...we have someone here and now wanting him...let's get him a home. So he became ours. I won't lie...I did go home with buyers remorse...more like fear and it was a rough few months. Special diet, neutering, kennel cough, and the worse of it....separation anxiety. We had things destroyed. But I won't go into details about that. I will say he was never food aggressive, he put on weight, he overcame his anxiety with a kennel and constant love and attention. The best part? He has been the most amazing dog I have ever had. So loving, so gentle, so smart, so obedient, so handsome! I just love this dog. He comes to me when I call him "handsome." Once he was past his trauma of abandonment and starvation he settled. He went from being a dog who would not go potty outside unless I stood at the door to actually sleeping in a room different than the one I am in. He has been amazing with the baby. She loves him...he tolerates her... for food purposes! He is just the most amazing buddy. I know he was an answer to prayer. I know he is a gift to me. I know he will be another heartbreak...but for now...he is a great companion and I adore him. Sirion, meaning 'Little Prince' and that he is......

Checking it out...

2009-11-19T09:58:00.000-08:00

I am checking out a new blog called Lolidots and on this blog they have giveaways. Who wouldn't want to win something...I never do but I try. Most of all though, I love checking out blogs. Getting insight into other believers thoughts and how they live their lives. Most of the time it's encouraging. So, occasionally I will post about a new blog I am checking out and this happens to be one of them. They are having a giveaway of Kerusso products. I so love business' that help to spread the word of God and this company does just that. They also donate a certain % of their sales to Compassion International. One of the things that has me the most excited about Kerusso right now is the fact they have 'FREE Shipping' if you spend 30$ or more....I love free shipping. So, once you are done checking out Lolidots Blog, head over to Kerusso and Compassion International and see what gifts you can give this Christmas.

Birthday Girl turns 9 today

2009-11-18T17:20:00.001-08:00

So our precious MK turns 9 today. I can't believe a year has already passed since her last birthday. I pray daily her and her brother can return or remain where God knows is best. I am so thankful to have had them in my life and will not be sad in the least if I get to share the rest of my life with them. How precious they are! So here we are...another birthday! Thank you Jesus!

Tester

2009-11-18T17:10:00.001-08:00

Woohoo...I am so happy to have learned that someone I know and trust will be able to be my daughters 'Tester' for the state test. Since I homeschool we are required to test our kids every so often. I was a little worried about this. I don't know the people who are on the list of 'Testers' and that's a little unnerving. Well, now I know someone and I am so happy. We won't be testing until early next year but just knowing that is taken care of has lifted my shoulders.

Our 'tester' lives in Oregon City so if you are need of a 'tester' please let me know and I will joyfully give you her name and number!

Praise God!

His Good Purpose

2009-11-18T15:59:00.000-08:00

Life has been a whirlwind...again. Time passes so quickly and is so full. How thankful I am for my life though. Busy everday trying to create lessons for my girls and their homeschooling. Busy with the public school kids and their activities, homework, and half day kindergarten. Busy creating lessons for the 'Kids Klub' at our church. Busy trying to clean up this house on a daily basis. Working at cleaning out and up. Busy making plans for my home and plans for my life. It's just busy....but who's isn't these days!?! Those who serve God and those who don't.

The memory verse for the 'Kids Klub' kids at my church (Woodland Park Baptist, Portland Oregon) this week is...."For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose." So, the question is...is He working through me? YES! to act according to His good purpose? YES! I believe it in my heart. All things are set into motion within my life that God has allowed. Am I continually faithful to fullfill all those actions? Yes and no. I am not always faithful in my attitude or my stewardship of time management, but I do always get back on track to work on or complete those things that He has me working on. I may not always respond well, I still have learning to do, and I still have a stubborn spirit to get in check...but I am willing to allow God to continue to work on me and through me. Praise be to His name. Prior to Christ, I was who I chose to be and I did what I chose to do and felt empty and void. Now I am who God has designed me to be and I am doing what God has prepared for me to do "for we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10" and I am exhausted and... yet fulfilled. Is it hard....OF COURSE! Was being in chains or stoned for declaring Jesus easy? Our Father does not promise the road we walk with him will be filled with Daisy's and cotton candy clouds but He does promise He will see us through.... "and God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work" 2 Corinthians 9:8..... He will give us everything we need, His Grace is sufficient, His power is made perfect in our weakness. I am weak and I am wrapped up in a strong, stubborn flesh...but I am filled with a pure and perfect Holy Spirit.

I do have some regrets. I do desire to be healthier and be capable of so much more, but I am what I am now due to poor choices when I was younger. Even poor choices made after I became a believer. It takes a looooong time to learn Gods wisdom and to fully become the person God has called you to be. When you are a new Christian it seems everything will be perfect and great in your life but that is far from the truth. We will still live in this world, we still suffer consequences of other peoples sins and we still suffer consequences of our choices. But hey....We serve a living God. A God that is gracious and just. A God is that is all knowing. A God who will continue to love us and help us. How beautiful He is!

So, I am busy...swamped...exhausted....but oh so thrilled to have the life I do. To have this difficult husband who is allowing me to learn patience and trust. These kiddos who are allowing me to learn unconditional love and prayer without ceasing. My parents who gave me life and gave me love. So thankful to be serving a risen Savior. I am so blessed.

Fun never ends....

2009-10-30T07:56:00.000-07:00

The saga with the adult daughter has finally leveled for the moment. This is the one who is unwed and pregnant. We had an issue with the midwife she was seeing, neither one of us cared for her. She never acted like she had met my daughter before. She never would answer our questions. She never addressed the concerns my daughter had in regards to her back. So KR asked to be transferred to an OB. They said we had to meet with the midwife again to state your concerns...we didn't feel we needed to have another visit with said midwife but the "policy" was to meet with the provider and discuss the issues. Due to work schedules, we did not feel we should have have to waste our time and money on another appointment. Soooo, they made a decision to close her file and asked her to leave the clinic...per "policy." WOW...I had never heard of that before. So, it has been over a month since she had any prenatal check ups. Drama with finding a doctor who accepts her insurance. Drama in getting the 'old' clinic to fax her chart. BUT finally...we did it. I took a leap and suggested she go and see my doctor....my Gynecologist. I have not seen him in almost two years (yes, a confession) and yet he walked in from lunch while we were in the waiting area and he recognized and greeted me. The nurse recognized me also....before we left KR had received two hugs from strangers. One from the nurse and one from the Doctor. Made her feel much better. Hmmmm...it wasn't like that before. You went to the midwives for the tender and personal care. But I am sure it's like everything in this day and time, corrupt. Some have melded with the medical world due to liability and convenience. Enough said about that. I am sure there are still some great ones out there.

The peace I felt waiting for the doctor while sitting in the exam room was wonderful and unexpected. I didn't really give it that much thought, but it came and flooded my soul. Gods plan...I truly feel God closed 'that' door and opened this one. This doctor is a Christian and he makes it known. This doctor loves his family and talks about them at every appointment. So why didn't I have her go to him in the first place? Distance, time, and knowing my daughter wanted a female doc....BUT God prevailed and placed us where HE wants my girl and my grandson.

The update: The father of the baby is now in Great Lakes Ill. in basic training. He went there the first part of October. So my daughter is alone. She only has one good friend who is either at work or hanging with her boyfriend. She has no cable tv and she has no computer for internet service. My heart aches for my girl. I know she chose her path, I know she will survive but I hate that she is alone. I hate that she is going through the most beautiful adventure of her life...without the father of the baby participating. Not even sure he can make it for the birth....I know her heart wants him here. So I will continue to pray that God will keep speaking to her heart. God will continue to open and close doors for her. God will bring her around to surrender her life to Him...and if it takes loneliness....if it takes her Mom staying out of the way....then I will. Because I want God to be the center of her life so she can make it in the days to come.

I know God blessed with me with this girl baby...because that was my prayer so many years ago. Thinking she would be my last and so desired a girl baby. He chose to bless me in that way. I have continued to be blessed by her. And though this chapter in her life is giving more grey hairs then I would choose to have....I do not regret those endless prayers requesting that she be given to me. She is beautiful, kind, loving, and perfect! I am so thankful for her.

So, once again I will say....parenting the adult kids is much more stressful than parenting the little ones....but oh how thankful I am to share in their lives.

We will be having a LA Dodgers baby shower....we have ordered the invites....now to work out the details.....the work...I mean fun....never ends! Praise God!

My beautiful girl...8mths pregnant with my Grandson

Weekend Recap

2009-10-26T09:13:00.001-07:00

Feel the need...

2009-10-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

Just feel the need to talk. Nothing much on my mind...or maybe there is TOO much on my mind. Good opportunity to just ramble and to also share some of my pictures.

Had a review hearing for two of our kiddos. It was a referee and not a judge and I must say I was very impressed with her. She seemed genuinely concerned for the children. I must of stood up about 5 times to answer questions and share about the kids. Usually with our other little one, I get about 30 seconds air time. Tell them how wonderful they are doing and then that's it. No questions. So it was refreshing to see the concern. Neither parent attended the hearing....not sure why they didn't, but everyone in attendance was surprised they were not there. Nothing new came of the hearing which can be a good thing. We will just continue doing what we are doing. Pray Gods will be done, take each day as it comes, and loving on the kids always.

On another topic:

I hate Halloween. I never have liked it really. I have always enjoyed dressing up but I can do that any time of year. So, every year I can not wait for October to be over. The entire month I have to endure all the demonic decorations, tv shows, and movies. I also have to endure the endless questions from my kids as to why we don't celebrate it. I always feel so relieved when November 1st is here. BUT I do enjoy fall and everything it brings. It brings an array of color. It brings beautiful pumpkins and gourds. I love bales of straw and now you can sometimes find small bales....how cute is that. So this weekend we are planning a trip to a local farm and scour their pumpkin patch. I enjoy simply going and looking for pumpkins, drinking hot apple cider and looking at Indian corn and such...but now most pumpkin patches are like a county fair. Pay as you ride. Pay to ride a wagon. Pay to slide a slide....and oh my goodness one year there were helicopter rides. So, it isn't quite the same and we haven't gone for a few years. We usually go to a small patch down the road. It's just pumpkins, veggies, and flowers. Way lower key but we usually have fun. BUT this year we will venture into the wilds or marketing strategies and three ring circuses. Why? Because the kids will have fun and as much as I hate the overabundance of it I do know they are local farmers and I like supporting the farmers. I am so thankful the weather forecast is for cloudy skies because it hasn't stopped raining once.

Don't pumpkin patches allow for the best pictures ever though? I always get the best pictures of my kids at a pumpkin patch. Is it the colors? Is it the fact the kids are having a great time and have sheer joy seeping out their eyes? Doesn't matter the reason just that it is true! So, this weekend we will go and find the perfect pumpkins, make a huge mess at home with them and then the best ending of it all....roasted pumpkin seeds. Oh yeh...that's the other reason I go!

The Brave and the Strong....

2009-10-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

Here we are in October. The big occasion in our family for October is My parents anniversary. This is last years ANNIVERSARY blog...giving history and such. Well this year, my parents celebrated their 57th. How fantastic is that?!? The day of their anniversary was Sunday and a special Sunday at that. It was recital day for my two girls and for my MOM! My Mom is so brave. She is 71 years old and taking piano lessons for the first time in her life. Our piano teacher is also the organ player at church...so she arranged for my mom to play her recital piece during offering. My Mom was over the top nervous. She did lose her spot one time but otherwise she did just fine. As she finished and was coming down the steps towards the pews my husband, my kids, and my dad met her there with a beautiful arrangement of lavender roses and red roses. Surprising her greatly. It was sweet! That afternoon my parents took each other out to lunch. That evening was recital time and I was so proud of my Mom and my girls. They did fantastic. My Mom is a strong woman. Enduring so much in her life and she never gave up. Never gave up on her marriage, never gave up on her kids, and never gave up on her dreams. We have sang together several times at church and oh how this blesses my heart. My MOM blesses my heart. She does so much to help me (and my siblings). I truly do not know how I would manage without her. She not only loves and adores us but she has also embraced the foster kids fully. She loves and adores them too. She commented before how she never knew how you could love kids so much that did not come from your own bloodline...now she knows. She can and does love them just as much. They ARE her grand kids...she is THEIR grandma....100%

It was a blessed day. I thank God for the parents who gave me life. I thank God for the Mom who laid the foundation of faith so I would come to know Jesus as my savior and have life eternal.